My boyfriend and I broke up last night. We have been together 4 years. He has been my closest friend ever. My other friends and I have not kept in such close contact and I would hate to call them now just to cry on their shoulder. So I would appreciate your thoughts and any advice you may have to offer. We were on the phone from 9:30 to about 12:30 breaking up and he seemed like it didn't matter to him. That really hurt me. He was telling me it was hard for him that he really cares about me but it just seems like it is the best thing for now. He still wants to be my friend. We finally hung up and I was ok for a few minutes but I was just lying in bed unable to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about everything. Then around 2 am called me and just said hello. We were quiet for awhile not saying anything. So I broke the silence and said I couldn't sleep. He said neither can I. He told me he doesn't want to break up with me. He is just too horny that he wants to sleep with other women. (it is ok to laugh) For some sick and strange reason this comforted me. I wish I could explain the relief that just overcame my entire body. We started talking about it and I could tell he was crying over it and when I asked him he admitted it. I felt a little better about it for some reason that comforted me. We hung up the phone agreeing to try to work things out. I fell asleep without any problem after that. But I woke up this morning feeling sad and confused. I know we have to break up. Too much was said to be ignored. He already told me he thinks he should experience other relationships and I know that he was being truthful. He is not sure if it is only about sex or not. And as much as it hurts there is only one way to find out. This is what I just emailed him. Does it sound like I am feeling sorry for myself and trying to make him feel guilty?
*************************************************************************************************************************************** Hi *******. I am so sorry we have to go through this. I wish there was some way to make it easier. I really do understand that you think you should experience other relationships before you can really decide if I am the right person for you. It just hurts and it is hard to accept after all this time you and I shared. I want you to be happy even if that means that we cannot be with each other now or in the future. You don't have to feel guilty about it. I think you know that underneath my irrational talk I am pretty practical and understanding. It is not going to be easy for either one of us. I will wait for you but how long I do not know. I am scared to think of you spending time with someone else. But, it is a chance we both have to take. I do not want you to ever regret anything that has to do with me. And I don't want to live my life with you and always wonder in the back of my mind if you really want to be with me. From this point on I want you to know that it is ok if you see other people. No I do not like it and it hurts but I know it is something you have to do. I said I do not want to see or talk to you anymore but that is not entirely true. I know there will be times when I want to see you or talk to you, maybe too often. But there will also be times when I do not want anything to do with you. I hope you understand that. I am sorry if what I am going to say next makes you feel guilty because that is not my intention it is just something I need to say. What is really hard about this is that I let my guard down. I finally felt safe with you. The past couple of years I let myself think that nothing could ever break us up. That no matter what you would never leave me. I know it is not your fault and you are just going through natural feelings. Most people do. I know deep down we will both get through this no matter what the end result is. So do not feel bad. This may not be a once and for all break up. We might be an on again off again thing for a while or until we get it right. And by "Right" I mean a break up for good or us staying together. Well, I guess the bottom line is "We'll see what happens." About this weekend, I do want to spend some of it with you. Friday I guess since I already told Vincent I would pick him up. After that I guess we should just take it one day at a time. You tell me you don't know what you want but you do. You know that you do not want me because if you did that would be clear to you. So maybe you will change your mind later I do not know. I am sure there will be a lot of things I will say to you that I do not really mean. Please try to understand that that is just my emotions talking and getting the better of me. Do not feel obligated to call me tonight or in the future. I will call you if I need to talk and you can do the same. I will take Vincent to your house tomorrow and maybe you and I could just hang out. Feel free to make other plans though.Love,
Sandy