I just left about six months ago and I'm going through the emotional whirlwind that comes with it. I would really appreciate some advice on how to keep this fade from turning into my being disfellowshipped.
I'm another born in, third generation. Most of my family is solidly in.I'm getting away with this so far only because they live hundreds of miles away from me. The local congregation could potentially kick me out, but so far they are leaving me alone.
The real problem is my family and also a few friends I've had for many years who also fortunately live in three separate states
My Dad is nearly 90 and in very good health, driving to meetings, going in service and so forth. I love him very much. Painful as it would be to lose everyone else, I can't risk being disfellowshipped or disassociate myself mostly because of him. It would be devastating to both of us to lose each other. What if he was about to pass knowing his daughter was disfellowshipped? I would grieve the rest of my life over causing that.
As all of you know it's nearly impossible to not talk about the JW world with anyone in because it is their world, and it was mine too. Sometimes I cry after talking with any one of them on the phone. I feel empty and alone because I'm being deceptive. I feel like a really bad person for this, even though I know it's the only right thing to do. The organization is thoroughly corrupt and heartless. I can't knowingly be any part of it. Yet, pretending isn't who I am, and I don't want to be that kind of person, but I'm forced to. I know that my sister thinks that something is going on with me. I know she loves me, but with the past convention talks and videos about pretty much shunning inactive members, she could feel she that being "loyal to the only true channel" is her only choice. Sometimes I try to think she is pretending too. I mean, she would be in the same position as I am, only worse. You can't fade if you're a pioneer for over ten years and your husband is an elder. It's so sad.
Is there anything that I can do or not do that could maybe prevent the worse from happening to yet another family, this time mine? I've already been greatly helped through this all these months by reading this forum. Thank you for listening.