Was my dad awake?!
You're dad was running on the frozen ground before you were even thought of!!
Welcome on the board. Your father probably realized that his earthly time was gone and had felt that he does not need WT burden with him, but direct relationship with God through book of James and John. When people dying, they try to leave some message, which you do not pick immediately. Last time I ever spoke to my dad prior his death, we talked about Ecclesiastes 3 1-8. It was weird because my parents studied to be JW with my uncle and aunt, but prior baptism he retracted and never was JW. But he believed in Bible and my father remained deeply Catholic. Only my mom got baptized. So it was weird when he brought up that there is time for everything... He ended the talk with "don't worry, I will be back home soon, they are releasing me next week" He died two days later. I think he knew he was dying, and gave me a false hope so I won't be sad.
Your dad was wise and had the same doubts as we do. Interestingly our most controversy book ever was "Commentary on James" writen by gilead instructor Ed Dunlop. He was forced to edit some of the books comments and was disfellowshiped around the time of Ray Franz (Who wrote Aid to bible understanding)..the book has fallen out of favour with the Watchtower and is hard to find.
He gave you the keys to your freedom on his deathbed.
How many people can actually say that?
Thanks for all the encouraging responses. Someday I will post more of my story. But for now, I will mostly lurk--I am still info gathering, fact checking,etc.
Anybody have ideas on how "feel out" other JWs that you suspect are also awake, but still with the org?
maybe I should start a new thread