Wow. What a reaction. I've got to be honest. I don't mean this in a please-pity-me way, but it just feels so strange to tell someone a little bit of my past and get a positive reaction. I've mentioned this to a couple of people, but it's true. I'll give you a for instance. Jesika's father was an elder in my congregation and I told him everything in this post, plus quite a lot of other events and humilitations that make this seem as nothing. His reaction, and one I heard dozens of times, is one I'll never forget.
"Jehovah is far too busy in heaven to worry about your petty little problems. Your job is get back to meetings and quit feeling so sorry for yourself."
So it was with this backdrop of "loving kindness" from God's spirit directed organization that I started posting on this forum. And this is why it feels so strange to tell just a little bit of my past to other people and read of such kindness and genuine concern from you folks. It touches me in a way that is difficult to express. I am not a man who expresses emotion easily, but reading this thread put tears in my eyes. Just know how much it means to a frightened little boy who tried so hard.
As for what I've posted, this is a snapshot of my life from 1987-1991. That was a long time ago, and in a way, another life. My biggest breakthrough was when I just let the whole damn thing go. Instead of worrying myself into a frenzy of is-this-true-or-no, I made the conscious decision to relax and let go.
I understand what happened to me when I was little. I don't know everything, and sometimes simple intellectual curiousity wells up and I really want to know a couple of things. But what I understand is enough, and there is peace in that.
