I told my parents I no longer believe any teachings of JWs

by Fognomore 18 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Reopened Mind
    Reopened Mind


    It is difficult coming out of the fog of a high control group. So, first of all, CONGRATULATIONS for your awakening.

    I, too, am curious as to how your parents accepted your news. As for your wife, surely she suspects something. After all you said you hadn't been to a meeting in three months. When I started to wake up my husband was the presiding overseer. I agonized over how I would break it to him that I no longer believed. Thankfully he also was having doubts after doing some temp work at Bethel and he was wondering how to tell me! However, I have read several accounts on here where the outcome was disastrous. So please be careful. The best advice I can give is to listen carefully to what she has to say and build on that. You didn't mention if you have any children. That can complicate matters. There is a lot of good advice on here. Do your research and tread carefully.

    Reopened Mind

  • Giordano

    Fognomore I see you joined us 20 days ago. So Welcome to this Forum!

    I am sure you realize that everyone on this forum understands every word you have spoken as we have all been where you are now. I will share some information with you about proceeding.

    First off you will need to be cautious about what you say.

    You were hard wired to believe everything you were told from birth so it's not your fault that when you see the wrongs of many of those beliefs it wounds you. While the JW's are mostly good people the WTBTS as a corporation isn't.

    Now the first thing you need to do, depending on your situation and your feelings, is to decide how you want to exit this religion. Some people never officially 'exit' I prefer the term disengage which sounds like what you are doing.

    You have four basic choices in leaving: Get DF because your conduct violates the 100 or so rules in the Shepard The Flock book which you can read about at jwfacts.com under the heading of Disfellowshiping.

    Secondly.... you can Disassociate yourself by a formal letter or verbally to the Elders and it's done. However the same words will be spoken at the Meeting..."SO and SO is no longer a JW" let the shunning begin. And turning Apostate is the worst sin of all to a JW. Even pedophile's are treated better (more about that later).

    So no one knows what great sin you are being shunned for. Their first thought is immoral conduct. Because the congregation still believes....... they simply think you have sinned. Not that you took a principled stand.

    Third....... you can simply fade......do nothing that violates the religious beliefs of family, your close friends etc. Don't talk about this on Facebook etc. In fact it's best to not talk to your wife about this if she is prone to consult the Elders.

    Remember the two witness rule so you can't tell two or more witnesses who can report this to the Elders.

    Having a strong reason to fade is your best weapon for getting away and being left alone. There is an assumption, that I hope someone can clarify on this forum, that if a JW is 'stumbled' by something another JW says or does the sin is on them not the person who is stumbled. So the Elders can not really hold a stumbled JW accountable as long as you keep your mouth shut.

    So if there is not a personal issue with a JW that stumbles you....... I'd encourage you to learn, If you haven't already, about the growing pedophile issue that has come to light within the JW community. Their 'two witness rule' to the act of child sexual abuse prevents the Elders from throwing the pedophile out of the congregation.

    The Society is also culpable in the past for decades counseling the JW's not to go to the Authorities and report this crime if state rules don't making reporting this crime mandatory.

    There are a ton of law suits in play at this time suing the WT Society as well as pedophile Elders or some of the Elders who allow this situation to go on.And while their is no happy news about this it is being covered by non apostate news sources. One does not need a so called apostate source to document this.

    If you Google 'Jehovah's Witness Pedophile issue' you will get a ton of information. Look especially for information about the ARC (Australian Royal Commission). You can see the sworn testimony of Elders, Branch Elders and one of the Governing Body members actually lying during their sworn testimony.

    The documents that were presented were gathered by the branch under the law from 1950 on. There were 1006 cases of child sexual assault within the JW community and not a single case was turned over to the authorities.

    So it's up to you as to what path you take...remember all's fair in theocratic warfare. Refrain from blowing up your household, small steps and kind words work better then arguments with JW's who are not ready to entertain your point of view. The thing about pedophiles is simple........ it's a crime, a major one...... not just a sin.

    This will be your safe place as long as you need it.

    My best to you.

  • new boy
    new boy

    You have taken the red pill. You now see things the way they really are. There will be some losses ahead but some wonder gains too.


    Keith Casarona

  • Fognomore

    Hello everyone,

    I really appreciate everyones input and just to answer a few questions. My parents are JWs , but my dad has been having second thoughts and we talk. My mom is all in and that has been great for her. They took it " okay" but I feel like they did not take me too seriously. I feel they just feel like I am going through a rough time, and will change my mind. My mom I know will take it hard as she is a true believer. I think ( almost know) in my humble opinion that my mom was attracted to the " truth" as she went from one abusive situation to another. She does not know another way. My dad wanted my mom so he joined and married her and the rest is history. I have 30 + family JWs on my side and my wife probably just as many. I don't think I can blame the " truth" for all of her woes, but she did try suicide 2 X and we really never got to the bottom of why. At least I don't know. I feel that she has never healed from her past in a constructive way, but has avoided all of her true self and feelings by avoiding the pain and throwing herself into the JW way of life. It's a great way to stay busy, avoid emotional pain, but at what cost? She was hospitalized twice, and it took a long time to get better. I really feel that many many JW's are not equipped to deal with reality emotionally, but avoid thinking about it, and dealing with the tough issues. So overall they took it okay, but I don't live there so I am not sure what is being said.

    I do have three kids ( 3 boys) and my wife is very frustrated with me ( I can see it in action and words.) as with most she wants me to take the spiritual lead, study with the boys, make all the meetings. She did tell a friend of her's she was jealous as her husband was more active in the " truth". So overall , she cannot communicate about any negatives. Usually she just gets mad. I am at a loss for what to do. I don't attack people or the organization, but I just want to have an honest and upfront conversation about the " truth". I personally would not care if she wanted to change religions, become an atheist, etc. My worth it seems is tied to the " truth" which is very very sad. I could fake it if it was just me , but with our kids I need to be honest and upfront with them. I just don't want them to blindly follow the "Borg" because they are told too. I desperately want them to make their own choices and not go through the hell and emotionally damaging process of being raised a JW in its entirety. I have been reading allot and I am in agreement with the statement that raising a child in the JW is a form of " child abuse."

  • DesirousOfChange

    I found the best approach originally was to be 'confused" and seek assistance in explaining these troubling things (whatever they are for you). Then perhaps you will have wife and parents who will listen to you (as you are only confused and not apostate) and they may try to give some time to "help you" with your misunderstandings.

    Good luck!


  • Phoebe

    If it helps I can say how it was for me when my husband left the WT. He left years and years before me and the day he came home and told me he wasn’t going anymore...I can remember exactly what I was doing and where...it was that shocking to me. My world imploded. I couldn’t understand why he was giving up. I wouldn’t listen to him explain. I felt as if he was committing spiritual suicide. I then spent years and years trying to get him back in until finally, circumstances caused me to wake up too. So go slowly with your wife and be gentle. It’s such a big thing to do and I’m happy that you are getting out. It takes time for your family to adjust and all they’ll will be thinking about is how to save you from yourself.

  • ohnightdivine

    Congratulations on your awakening!

    It will be tough, for sure, especially right after you realize what the "truth" was all about.

    But, please hang on. It gets better with time.

    There are many folks here who are ready to support.

    In my case, I became "spiritually weak", "depressed", "busy with work".. until I faded. I am now inactive, but still maintain regular contact with my JW "friends". They need the field service hours, after all.

    I no longer absorb the lies being fed. I tune out when I occasionally attend meetings. No one has bothered me too much. Someday I will completely disconnect. But this situation is working for me now.

  • Onager

    Just one quick piece of advice:

    Don't write a letter!

    Don't write to your elders, don't write to the branch. A letter will not convince anyone and it certainly won't cause head office to change and rules or policies. The only thing that a letter does is put a massive sign over your own head which says "Disfellowship this person".

    I have two close friends who wrote letters of disassociation and they were both disfellowshipped. I found out from talking to a JW that an elder from their congregation had said to them "If only they hadn't written a letter, I could have done something.".

    How is it that I was talking to a JW last week? Because I didn't write a letter!

    When the word gets out, you may still be hunted down and disfellowshipped, but writing a letter seals the deal.

    Once you're happy to cut all ties and be shot of the whole stinking mess, go crazy if you want, but while your situation with your wife is unresolved, tread cautiously buddy!

  • DesirousOfChange


    Also, do not discuss any accusations against WT doctrine with Elders. If you speak with Elders (or any JW for that matter) you must only have DOUBTS or QUESTIONS. Further, NOTHING can be given them or referred to from apostate websites.

    If you speak with two Elders (or any JWs) separately about your accusations, they are still TWO WITNESSES to your "apostasy" and you can be DFd. It does not require that two persons hear your "apostate ideas" at the same occasion.

    Good luck on awakening your wife & family!


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