i agree with scully for the fact that you were lied to. it is an illegal contract. No God in their right mind would expect someone to live in such a situation.
take it from someone who is in a unloving marriage, I have come to terms with the reality that I can leave when i want, and not feel guilty. [ but im not being abused physically, had i been even once, id have been gone long ago.]
you have a real reason to end it, not even God would disagree. God knows that one is a liar and does not follow the duty of a loving mate, so why would God want someone to stay in a spiritually destructive situation? Am I better than God? I would be If he doesn't allow a person to be free of oppression and great sadness.
The God I know wants people to be happy. how can someone be wholesome and fulfilling in their worship when its tainted with sadness and fear? they cannot.
most people know, and fully understand, that a divorce doesn't happen unless there is a real problem, and other people generally dont keep a bad attitude about it. its wrong to assume and to gossip.
in the hall i had gone to, three people got divorced and remarried were only disfellowshipped for maybe 8 months, after all they were immediately repentant, and they did not have sex before they got remarried. and are currently going to meetings.
three of my own family members had to get out of real bad marriages [abusive situations] [all jws] and got remarried, and were DF for a little while but not long. the reason is this, no one chooses to end a marriage unless its destructive, spiritually damaging, and, simply, wrong to stay in it! no one deliberately gets a divorce because they think its not a big deal and who cares. so , a person already feels grief over the whole thing. and that is what in itself is the punishment! [the bible says that too!] we don't need some goofy shunning added to the problems.
here is what a lot of people dont know, YOU can request to choose your own body of elders to hear your case.
my mother did this years ago, when the local elders disfellowshiped me for getting pregnant, I was an unbaptized 18 yr old, who had not been to meetings in two years! or service, in like 5.yrs. she knew an unbaptized person who hadn't been to meetings should not be DF. she was pretty upset about it, as she was all i had for help and she was not going to let me fall into homeless poverty and loose her first grandchild. so, knowing the elders wouldn't listen to her,because they did not like her forward personality,
she chose two elders from other congregations whom she knew better, and a circuit overseer she had known. and she met them at the assembly hall so she could explain to them what was going on. and they advised the elder body in her cong to change their decision. and so they eventually did, but they waited long enough to make it look like it was their idea. it was about 6 months only! and the only thing i did was t o go to meetings with my mom. yea it was pretty weird. announcing the reinstatement of an unbaptized irregular person, lol!
so dont be afraid, just get it over with, get the divorce, [definitely stay separated], take the needed time alone and improve your situation, and return to a good place. move to another area if you can too.
we cant help anyone else if were a mess right?
and if you want to, get remarried, just dont have sex until you are.
your not pleasing men, your pleasing God, and God never said you cant get divorced. and guess what else, were not under the law of Israel, and all those rules were for them.
but the principal is this, love one another. so by being loving.
maybe by getting a divorce your giving a 'gift of freedom' to the other person too.
[some people have such pride they will suffer rather than be the one to make the first move.I think that's what my husband is doing, forcing me to be the one to make the move, so he looks like the innocent party.]
I wish peace for you.