When does it end? My marriage is 90% great for the most part, except when it come to this cult

by goingthruthemotions 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Crazyguy
    If your marriage is 90 Good then your doing better then most. Just stop going and let your boy stay with you and start teaching him and showing him that the Borg is crap. As he learns he maybe able to help you wake up the wife. Most important thing is to stop supporting her in her beliefs.
  • TheListener

    My marriage was really strained while I was forcing myself to attend after I learned the TTATT. Once I stopped it wasn't long before the kids stopped too. Our marriage improved once we both got used to our new situation. It's not perfect and I will come on here and vent from time to time but all in all I'm happy.

    My advice, as worthless as it is, would be to stop attending meetings, don't frustrate her with telling her how bad the WTS is and back the kids up in not going as well. I decided very early that if my leaving the witnesses and supporting my kids leaving the witnesses were a marriage-breaker then so be it. In my case my marriage survived, many don't.

  • BluesBrother

    OK , I live in a divided household too. Fortunately , things seem a little more laid back around here than others experience... Sis Blues has come to accept my disbelief and we have an understanding not to argue about it...usually !. She is not a clone of the WT and is often very critical of the modern Society and it's methods.

    It was not always like that . At first she went through the trauma of having a husband "leave the Truth"..but in my experience, with patience and common sense - it does get better , in time..

    Good luck..

  • dgeero

    Don't give up on her. My wife was very upset and threatened divorce when I came clean about not wanting to be a witness. Fast forward roughly 2 years later and my wife is now awake. This doesn't always happen but there are success stories.

    I found when I stopped trying to deconvert her and I just let the cults tactics work for themselves she started noticing things on her own. I had planted those seeds and her natural reason ability did the rest.

  • Check_Your_Premises

    I was an unbelieving mate for several years. We are now both happy and JW free!!!

    Don't let them conflate your love for each other with love of the org.

    Keep showing her in every way you can, that you love her; In or out.

    Nothing will ever change that.

    Make sure she knows you will respect her; in or out. Don't let them put you at odds. If a wife senses you have a problem with her because of her decision to be in the org, expect her to dig in. If you have no issue, she can be at ease. Do everything you can to cultivate a mindset that you are at peace with her as a JW, and love her all the same.

    The hardest thing will be the children. The desire to keep the org from getting their hooks into them will give you a sense of urgency and make you want to fight. Don't. You will be better positioned to help the kids IN THE HOME. For a whole range of reasons not even related to the WT. Imagine your wife's new JW husband and the influence they will have with your kids. Don't let that happen.

    I can talk more about how to be OK with a JW wife with respect to the kids. You just have to cover a lot of bases.

    Let her see that you won't grow horns, go crazy, get killed by Jehovah for leaving.

    Love love and love. All you need is love.

    Then if she trusts you, and feels safe with you, at some point she may be willing to discuss your feelings about the WT and why you left.

  • snugglebunny
    I think your marriage has a good chance because it all took place before you entered the cult. Although I know many couples who have left the JW's together and who have split up following their departure. It happened in my first marriage simply because we both played around once we'd left. Our original faithfulness was based on WT teachings and not our love for one other. But it still hurt like hell.
  • DesirousOfChange

    When I first quit attending meetings and doing in FS, my wife continued on for some time period taking the kids. At that point I was still in the "doubting" phase. I saw so many things wrong with JWs that I could not continue to support it. I was earnestly seeking answers. I did not want to accept that I had been wrong in everything I believed for over 40 years. That is a sickening feeling as you come to realize it.

    I tactfully explained my dilemma to my wife. How can you explain this? What is the reason for that? This is totally contrary to what we have always been taught and believed, so why the change if Holy Spirit was directing things? She could see all the evidence, but she had to get past the "where else would we go?" and "this is the best way of life" and "who else is preaching the Good News in all the Earth?" rebuttals.

    She eventually saw the lies, deception, and lack of genuine love herself. We are all in a successful "fade". We are "inactive". Most would think it was due to being personally "wronged" by "powerful" JW men. Let them think what they want.

    Our current discussion is whether we will even attend the Memorial this year -- just for "show". We really don't want to be seen at our old Cong for any reason as we don't want them trying to "encourage us". But we worry about some of the family that is "still in" thinking we are "wicked" if we do not make a showing. Might have to be "out of town".


Share this