When does it end? My marriage is 90% great for the most part, except when it come to this cult

by goingthruthemotions 26 Replies latest jw experiences

  • goingthruthemotions

    I know marriage is tough and it takes work on both parts. we have been together for 27 years. The last eight have been involved with this cult. i won't go into detail, i have written much about this mistake.

    Tues and Sun are the meeting days. I hate and loath both these days, My wife knows that me and our son's don't want to go to the indoctrination sessions. and, there is always an unspoken tension. it sucks....the problem is also i feel that she doesn't want to go either, but her guilt is making her go.

    i don't tell her anything and i will not discuss anything about religion with her.

    so back to my question. When does it end?

    Will she wake up? i doubt it

    will we end up divorced? more than likely, i believe her guilt to follow this religion will overtake her and destroy us.

    Our kids hate going, when will she start to shun them for not taking to the Borg? sooner than later, because it's only obvious they don't like it.

    So how and when does it end? Sometimes i wish i could just leave her, so she could pursue and dive into this cult and find a person in the religion that will be just has dedicated to this cult as she is and live happily ever after.

    and i find a woman who has nothing to do with this cult and live a normal life and live happily ever after.

    i tell my kids never to get involved with a witness woman and never get involved with this religion.

    but, i don't have to tell them much..because they are independent self thinks, something my wife is not.

    thanks for letting me ramble, this religion just destroys everything in a family.

    biggest mistake i ever made.

  • OneEyedJoe
    You and me both, buddy.
  • Princess Ashe
    Princess Ashe
    27 years that's a long time. I would test the waters and just stop going to meetings. For me it was embarrassing trying to go to meetings without the family. And I eventually gave up. I had doubts of my own for awhile as well. And If she is as dedicated to the religion she will stay faithfully married unless someone cheats..right?
  • goingthruthemotions

    yes, you are correct P.A....

    the thing that bothers me the most is her inability to intellectually think for herself. the watchtower has taken away all this.

    she cowers at the thought that the org is wrong....she will make up any excuse she could to defend them.

  • Ughhhhh


    quick answer it doesn't get better. Stop going the sooner the better. Save your kids.

    my story I have known my wife for around the same length of time. She has been with the cult for about 15 years. I knew from the get go it was not for me but I thought it it helps her why not? Big mistake. The cult comes first in her life. It's not a marriage any more.

    good luck


  • talesin

    Yes, it was a mistake. You know it now.

    Stop feeling guilty, we all make mistakes - some more costly than others. Happy your kids are NOT wanting to be JW.

    27 years is a long time but you have many years to go. I hope she would leave the cult, but if not, it's better to be alone and lonely, than with someone and utterly miserable. cold silence et al.

    All the best. xx

  • Tornintwo

    Sorry for you.....I'm in a 'divided' home too, it sucks.

    Thankfully he's mellowed a lot from the controlling, abusive jw husband he was, ironically I think me and the kids leaving the religion almost took the pressure off him a bit. He no longer has anything to do with the kids discipline at all, they won't take it from him, so he doesn't have to worry about trying to control them in the 'right' way according to jw rules. Also he is not in the running for privileges now we've all left, so he no longer has to try to reach out and agonise about what he is doing wrong and why he is being held back (he was an m.s. on and off but could never kiss-ass, his relationship with the hierarchy in the org put terrible strain on our marriage for years). The whole thing, his son refusing to speak to him, his precious good girl turning her back on the religion, etc has humbled him, he's trying to be kinder, I almost think he's trying to 'win me without a word'

    But, like you it drives me crazy that he won't think critically about the org, he will never question it, despite the fact he's been treated like crap. He is hardly ever his authentic self, for example with the kids, he wouldn't watch my daughter in her first singing concert because it was at Xmas, he won't give them any lifts anywhere because they are meeting 'wordly friends' and it would 'compromise' him. So he's losing his relationship with both of them now. I swear I could show him irrefutable facts that the GB were child murderers and he wouldn't believe it.

    You have to feel sorry for them really, fully mind controlled, they are missing out on a lot of good in life for the sake of 7 men in Brooklyn.

    My advice is just lIve your life, if she gives you the silent treatment completely ignore it, go out and do something fun with your kids, come back and give her a big smile and offer her a cup of tea or something, like nothing whatsoever is wrong. Water off a ducks back..

    For me he goes to the meeting, I sit on the couch with a glass of wine watching my favourite series, he goes on the ministry, I take my baby to soft play and chat with other mums. He sits around praying for daily needs, I go out and get a job. If he doesn't keep up, me and the kids will leave him behind, one way or another.

  • kairos

    I wish i had a better answer, except to be patient.

    90% is a pretty good rating.
    There are no guarantees you'll do better.

    I love my JW wife.

  • cappytan
    Whatever you do, don't ask Nathan Natas for marriage advice. 😂😜
  • Phizzy

    I endorse the idea of patience, unless you are determined to end the marriage. I know of a number of XJW's who love their partners, and also their marriage, and have made a success of being a partner to a JW.

    I also think that as you and your wife have only been in for a short time, her real, pre-cult self may re-surface and prevail.

    It will take time, mean avoiding confrontation as much as possible, and mean that you will need to spend time and effort on showing her how much you love her, and in giving her wonderful times when she is away from the cult.

    If you decide to do all this, I wish you all the best.

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