Is it just me... (page 2)

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Andi -

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes after reading your reply. I hope someday you and I will have the opportunity to meet in person.

It wasn't until recently that I entered the dating scene. I always told people who asked.."I don't date...I marry. Witness if you will the souvenir divorce papers". When I began dating again, it really wasn't with the intent of finding "the one". I just really wanted to be out and about among the living. The last relationship was nothing but a lie and all I wanted was just someone who could be honest with me. I wouldn't trade my past for a thing. Each experience has given me something. My first husband beat me...from that I learned how to survive and how I will never be a victim again. My second husband cheated on me...but from him I have my son who is the light of my life. From the last one...I learned that honesty is an absolute must because without it there is no trust.

My life is good. I have my wonderful son. I have relatively good health. I have a good job with a good salary. I have good friends. I have a roof over my head and reliable transportation. Above all, I have a best friend to whom I can say "I love you". What more do I need?

Thank you Andi...*hugs*

Lisa

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Mulan -

It's a pleasure to meet you. What you have is rare indeed. Accident or not, you're one of the lucky ones.

SheilaM -

I agree. There needs to be the friendship to begin and sustain the relationship. You'll tolerate more from your friends than a lover sometimes. You're right...the right one for you could be under your very nose. I think that the heart and the head are often in conflict and that could be what keeps us from seeing the obvious.

I'm not looking to be "rescued" by a man. I can take care of myself and my son. I've proven that to myself. I'm a strong and beautiful woman with a lot to offer. I just think that life's journey would be a bit sweeter with someone by my side.

Thank you both...I really appreciate your thoughts

Lisa

Mulan

I agree with Sheila that you should marry your best friend. Dave and I never run out of things to talk about, and talk long into the night at times. We fill each other in on our day every day when he gets home (I work in our home office..............and take care of the folks) and really depend on that time together every evening.............we call it "happy hour". Sometimes we have a drink, but not always. It's still "Happy Hour". Sometimes we have latte's because he will come home early occasionally.

We have had lots of troubles over the years, in our marriage, but splitting up was never an option. It frankly never got terribly serious. We went into our marriage, even though we were terribly young, knowing it was for life. I think when you commit to a lifetime, you don't quit when it gets hard.

I do think there are times when people should hang it up and move on. I don't believe in staying in a bad marriage. Be HAPPY for god's sake!!!

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Mulan -

Yes..a committed relationship with your best friend is the only way to go. I agree that there is no reason to stay in a bad marriage/relationship. Every relationship is going to come up against some sort of bump in the road or obstacle to overcome, but if you are in it for the long haul and believe that the relationship has value, then you will do what it takes to make it work. I'm not saying that you give up who you are...or sacrifice yourself...but it's got to be a partnership with each able to stand on their own. The give and take of life. But if you're the only one giving then something is wrong.

Great shades of Dr Phil...I've begun to babble.

I say again...you are one of the lucky ones. One of the ones that give the rest of us hope.

Reborn2002

Edited to add that we've been married 40 1/2 years. Good grief.

Nothing to say good grief about Mulan, although I think you say that because sometimes you cannot believe how much time has gone by.

To be married 40 years and still be together? That is special and no amount of words can express how wonderful that is IMHO.

May you be together many, many more years in marital bliss.

SheilaM

I agree Mulan that is wonderful I know with our 19 years it seems like yesterday but then I see the kids grown and KNOW that it has been some time but it doesn't seem like it. Many many more to the both of you

Reborn2002

Now to address the topic at hand.

Do people want or need a significant other?

I believe this depends on the individual.

Some people are quite capable of functioning properly and being content with their lives when they are alone. Others have convinced themselves that they can only be happy when they have someone else in their lives. This is a psychological and physiological issue. Do you feel the inherent need to have a spouse? If the case is otherwise do you not feel complete? Or are you the type who can be happy when you are alone? Some people need to have a person, others don't.

Just my take on things.

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Reborn -

I agree. Each person is an individual and there are several factors that will impact their response. Add to that the other individual and all they bring to the relationship, it's no wonder that things can get complicated.

I don't believe that we are "hard-wired" to have a spouse. I can be perfectly happy without a spouse. I'm doing that now. The only person that can complete me is me. There are times that it would be nice to have someone to share things. That's a given. But, don't you feel better when you know that your company brings someone joy...that they want to be with you?

Lisa

pr_capone

Speaking from past experiance. I am happiest when I have someone that I can share things with. Someone whom I completely trust and I know there is a bond there stronger than just friendship.

Not to say that I am not fine being single mind you... but every bad thing doesnt seem so bad, and every good thing seems just that much better when you have someone to share it with. I really do miss my x but I know its for the best. Alas... the search continues.

Kansas District Overbeer

Robdar

Could we not just be happy when we find someone who we are happy with? Must we continue to seek happiness in a multitude of possibilities only to be disappointed? What is it about us that make us not trust ourselves? We can be wonderfully happy with someone and yet we hesitate to release that last bit of whatever you want to call it on the off chance that something better is just around the corner.

(((((Arrowstar))))),

I agree with you to a point. Yes, we must be friends but in a relationship there also has to be an extra spark. Many people make me happy but I would never agree to a permanent relationship with them just becuase I am happy with them. I want my number one man to give me butterflies too.

If I feel it, I never hesitate to release that "whatever". This romantic notion has caused me to be hurt in the past but it has also supplied some of my best, most wonderful moments. So what if it didn't last?

Just my thought.

Robyn

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