?I AM REALLY ANGRY!..and I need some advise!

by azaria 31 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  azaria

  I don't think I have to put a mood barometer here, you already know my mood. I'm kind of shaking at the moment so bear with me. Thank goodness I typed this in WordPerfect earlier and just pasted into here.

  I hate the Jehovah’s Witness Organization (not the people) but the organization. Is my anger misdirected? If I was out of line and I was just too hot-headed it will be okay if you tell me so. (in a kind way)

  At lunch time I called my mother. We hadn’t spoken in a month. I always called at least every other week, but thought she knows my phone too. She rarely calls me, even just to ask how my daughter and I are doing. I just had no desire to call her because every time I did call it always brought me down and took me a while to get back to normal (at times I felt she was sucking me dry emotionally) Today I thought, this is silly, I’ll just give her a quick call to see how things are going with them. Big mistake. It started out okay. But then she started, like always, about my middle brother, and every time I tell her I really don’t want to hear about it, I don’t want to get in the middle of it. My youngest brother is always praised and he is always torn down. He’s my brother, I love him, yes he made mistakes, but not any worse than my father did, in fact my father did much worse. Maybe if she hadn’t commented on my brother the next episode might not have happened. We then got on to the subject of the Hitler movie and things were okay, but then she mentioned that not many people know this fact but a lot of JW’s lost their lives during the war. I was offended, and tried to explain, that no, it wasn’t because these were JW’s but if any small group had latched on to such a big monstrosity like the Jewish annihilation, I would think it was extremely offensive. She then started in how defensive I always got when the org was mentioned. Tried to explain that if 1000 people of a certain race were tortured, massacred, and along comes one single person of another and said hey what about the one person that I lost? I think the fact that anyone is killed is the tragedy. Am I seeing this wrong? Is she right? It’s like she’s on the offensive, then I’m on the defensive, then she’s on the defensive. She mentions that they know the truth, they have the truth. I said that if she wanted the truth then she needed to know about the document that the German JW org sent Hitler at the beginning of the war, supporting him. She obviously got very angry and said it was a lie. By that time I was shaking. I should know better than to call her. Each time I think that maybe this time it will be different. I know I can be a hot-head when I don’t think something is right, and someone is trying to raise themselves above others. The last thing she mentioned was the church and I asked what do you mean the church, that it’s a harlot? I can also get sarcastic at times, I know that it’s not a good trait. She then hung up.

  I don’t know whether I should call her to apologize for my part in it. I could have remained calm and allowed her to say her thing, and not comment. But I was so offended by it. I don’t know whether to write her to apologize and try to explain why I got upset, but I don’t think it will help.

  So if anyone can give me any advise how you would handle it I would much appreciate it. ( I just don’t want smart alleck comments please, like the JW are stupid) The strange thing is I’m more upset for my mother; how she’s handling it, than how I’m handling it. It was a horrible moment. I should have known better. I will probably not hear from her, in fact I’m sure of it. On one post I had mentioned being able to put this org behind me, and on another that I thought it was callous to pull the rug from under someone. I spoke too soon.
• 

  bluesapphire

  Well, I relate to you. I'm a hot blooded latin woman myself lol!

  I get so burning mad when JWs try to capitalize on the fact that some JWs lost their lives during WWII. That's what it is -- capitalizing. It doesn't mean they have the "truth". It just means some people were willing to die for what they *thought* was the truth. NO different than WACO or Heavens Gate or Jim Jones. They all thought they had the truth and died for it.

  I would have also said that Rutherford wrote a love letter to Hitler. And I would have told them it is published in their own little 1934 Yearbook. Bring it out of the Kingdumb Hell library and see for yourself. But you never know when you're in the middle of the discussion and they press the little red HOT buttons! I might have gotten really ticked off and it would have been ugly.
• 

  seedy3

  Not that it is any less tragic, but the WTS tries to indicate that the JW's were almost wiped out during WW2 in Germany, mentioning at times that as many as 1,000 died and suffered, yet this is not the case. The true fact is that there were only about 200 that died, a tragedy in and of it's self, yet the WTS makes it sound much much worse, playing on the feelings of the public. They exagerate and expound trying to say that they stood up to Hitler, and they did not, in actual fact they tried to jump on the bandwagon with him, according to the resoulotion they drew up and the letter printed in the 1934 yearbook. One place they do not deserve to be is in the Holocost Musem with the others. There were many more catholic and protestants that died and suffered in the camps then JW's.

  One thing the WTS does is to white wash they're history at every oportunity they can.

  Seedy
• 

  Lady Lee

  Azaria You are not wrong with your feelings. Feelings don't have a right or wrong. and hey I have done the exact same thing with my mother. I hate being in the middle when she talked about my siblings. I hated it when she defended the JWs. I hate how they have been taught to defend the borg no matter what and disregard any real truth even in their own literature.

  Personally I think it is better to hate what this org does to people instead of hating the people themselves. They are just as trapped as we once were.

  Personally I have never apologized for telling the truth. I have apologized for getting angry.

  But I think that the decision to connect with her is a personal decision each one of us has to make. But make sure you are calm and can stay that way if you are going to talk to her. If you ever hope for her to see the truth for what it really is kindness will do it better than anger (and I know you already know that)
• 

  Utopian_Raindrops

  Azaria,

  My heart really goes out to, as Mothers are the most important people in our lives.

  I know you think it is the WTBS and maybe in your case it is but many people who never have been JW go through this kind of relationship with their mothers.

  My mother is not JW and yet although we speak of different things I’d say our conversations go about the same as you and your mothers.

  For the longest time because she is my mother I have let her be involved in my daily life and my children’s daily life.

  This has been very destructive for all and my allowance of her to have say so in my life has made the damage the WTBS caused amplified.

  When it came to my children I have been an insulation of what my mother can truly be like but this has come at great cost to my personal well-being.

  I have thrown away The WTBS and they can no longer hurt me but now what does one do about their mother?

  I will tell you what I am doing now and in time I will report if it works.

  It was not long ago The Morals Guru was on the News because she did not know her mother was dead for 3 months! Dr. Laura tried to explain what her mother was like to no avail as everyone felt she should have been keeping tabs on her mother no matter What A Pill the woman was!

  This is true as although some parents can act quite unparently they still are where our lives sprung.

  So in the case of my mother I do not wish to completely loose touch. I have just signed a lease on an apartment in a neighboring town.

  My mother tends to harass me and call continually all day and night when I don’t live with her and so I will not answer the phone when it is she. I will only speak with her about once a month and I will never do anything her way ever again……unless I was already intending to do so or it doesn’t matter….like should we cook turkey or goose for x-mas.

  Also, it is my goal to limit her visiting the children to about once every 2 months, as she is a “Pill” even to them.

  I know what this means as she will throw endless tantrums, belittle and berate me, tell every person we know possible how “I Do Not Like Good Things” for my children (that would be anything she wants me to do I say “No” too…….. but I think it is worth it for personal peace.

  I do not know of your mother’s childhood but what I know about my mother’s childhood would make your hair stand on end. So I tell myself, ”How can I expect this person who was raised in a nightmare to be anywhere near normal?” (Friends have reminded me that my mother made my childhood a nightmare also but we all react differently to what life throws us.)

  All of us naturally expect our parents to be loving and supportive throughout our lives but although I think our parents do care….I think some life experience has caused them to dull what is deep in their hearts. In your mother’s case it is The WTBS in my mothers……..well she has her own horrible influence.

  {{{{{{hugz}}}}} sugar and don’t despair.

  We all have to live through realizing our parents are not what they should be.

  I have told my children that they will live through me being their mother!

  Hope I have helped,

  Utopian_Raindrops
• 

  Big Tex

  I think your mother is always going to be the sort that pushes your buttons, no matter how you phrase things or avoid topics. You seem to be the kind of person that waits for bad people to turn good and good people to turn bad. I say that because that's what I am.

  Ultimately you need to ask yourself if you can accept a relationship with someone who is always going to aggravate you. Ask yourself, what are you getting out of this relationship? If you're getting nothing but aggravation and guilt, then you might want to ask yourself if you want to continue. You might need to put more distance between you and her. But if you are still getting something out of the relationship (i.e. connection to family, love) then you're going to have to decide how close you want to be. She's always going to be like this and she's always going to treat you this way. You can't control her, but you can control what you do about it. Good luck.

  Nice to see you around Utopian!
• 

  SheilaM

  Azaria:

  I think Mothers and daughters sometimes butt heads, but sometimes it isn't just normal disagreements.

  I too had this kind of relationship with my Mom, she tended to control my life cause she couldn't control her own (or her husband (my Dad) keeping his pants on around any woman). As I got older and was less and less tolerant, or main arguments were about my sister who always did drugs, couldn't keep a home and screwed around on her husband etc. My Mother defended her all the time and would make accusations like "well, just because I don't know what you've done!" As if I had ever done anything to warrant this type of attitude.

  So, Yes, honey I know how it feels and what the kicker is now my Mom has Alzheimers and I feel guiltyLOL My sister of course takes advantage of the dementia by pretending to be the "perfect daughter."

  YOU AREN'T wrong to stand your ground, it feels no better to not stand your ground and to let them get the upper-hand (been there done that)

  I am sorry that this happens, seems the more we try the worst it is. But, yet the kids that take and take just get all the calls and consideration.

  I personally am thinking of being adopted, and we of course will adopt any one old enough to be our children. We promise to call, email (I suck at real letters) and to care
• 

  fairy

  i feel for you...........((((())))))

  by the way you posted the following in your story........I said that if she wanted the truth then she needed to know about the document that the German JW org sent Hitler at the beginning of the war, supporting him.......................

  I never knew about that...........how can i find out more about the lette that the german jw org sent....
• 

  Lady Lee

  fairy go to the top of the page and click on search Type in Hitler and see what comes up. There should be at least a dozen discussions about it here. And if you need it I might have a copy of the english translation so PM me if you can't find it
• 

  be wise

  I totally understand where you are coming from as most do who visit here but I am probably roughly in the same ball park as you although a lot of my anger has gone but my JW mother isn’t half as bad as she used to be (maybe I’m having a positive effect!).

  It can be sooooo frustrating sometimes can’t it. The problem is getting angry won’t help in the long run.

  My mums changed a lot since I told her how I feel about the JW organisation. She’s seen a big change in me and that has the most powerful effect of all. I wrote a song the other day, which said a lot about how I feel and she cried when she heard it (I couldn’t believe it!)– believe me, anger and frustration won’t get you anywhere but nothing (not even a cult) can stand up against our God given instincts.

  She’s obviously very set in her ways and it will take a lot for her to change if at all but if you can even have a small positive effect on her then you’ve achieved a lot, in my opinion.

  Just try and prove your point through example, you’ve gotta let your JW experience change you for the better.

  Let us know how you get on azaria!

  CHEERS

  be wise.