I'm an observant person.
I became that way back in what I call the 'wallflower years' of my life, when I could very easily blend into the woodwork of any room I walked into without anyone looking up. I became a student of human nature and watched how people interacted, and that study has come in handy at many points.
Sometimes, though, I don't realize when I'm opening a can of worms. The now ridiculously long thread I started the other day is the latest example. I didn't think folks would reply. I hoped they wouldn't. I asked them not to. I guess its reverse psychology, because nearly everyone responded.
I had the thought after the fact that if I put my viewpoint out there, and people did respond, that it might degrade. It turned out like a bad science experiment in the end: it exploded.
But I don't think it was a worthless experiment. It showed, pretty clearly I think, the true colors of many of the posters. I was given responses that were meant to be condescending. Nothing compared to the whippings I used to get on H2O, mind you, but still they were intended to put me in my place.
How dare I not feel welcome?! See how welcome you are! SEE HOW WELCOME YOU ARE?! Even typed in capital letters so that the most simple minded of us could understand, and the half blind like me could see.Very thoughtful.
Everyone has been going on about their right to freely express their opinions and how they love that freedom but it seems when others express their feelings suddenly, they're uncomfortable.
I said that it made me feel bad when people complained that the board was better before the new people arrived. I hoped that if they knew that the statement effected others that way, that maybe they'd stop saying it, at least publicly. Maybe they could say it to each other in e mail.
Instead, I got restaurant and coffee shop and Krispy Kreme metaphors. I didn't know that there was a whole process to being accepted in this online community. I've been in lots of them. Usually, you introduce yourself, behave, and eventually you start to feel at home.
I feel like I'm trespassing here. And if an H2O war veteran like me can feel that, what about lurkers who are thinking about posting for the first time? Are they going to feel like they can safely jump in? Or will they think, gee, I better not put my two cents worth in or else I'll end up taking someone else's imaginary 'table'.
So, I would humbly submit the following warning labels for exJW chat rooms/message boards, this one and others:
Warning: Contents under pressure. Do not expose to heat, sparks or open flames.
This is the disclaimer label on the spray that I use to clean my bathroom. I was thinking about
the boards while carrying out this task, and the words seemed to fit.
When you get so many people together with so many issues, you're going to end up with more baggage
than Samsonite. I'm amazed at the amount of congregational behavior that people have carried out of the Kingdom Hall with them.
I think it's a shame that there is a counter that keeps track of the number of posts, effectively dividing people into 'classes'. It has left me feeling, at times, like I used to when the elders determined my worth by how many hours in field service I turned in. How would it be if the classes were called "Publisher Class" "Aux. Pioneer Class", Regular, Special, pioneer class, Elder class and all the way on up to Governing Body Class? How appealing would the labels be then?
Some folks on the boards try to lead and get frustrated when others don't follow their example. Be they the Science sector, folks who've rediscovered their Christianity since leaving the Borg etc. Still preaching, trying to get converts for whatever they've used to fill the void that leaving the Tower left in their lives. They still believe that what they believe is right and therefore should be right for everyone else too. I learned quickly not to waste my breath going round and round with them.
"If abused, may be habit forming."
Try to fill the whole void in your life after leaving the Borg with exJW online activities and you will end up feeling emotionally strung out in no time.
"Void where prohibited."
Board posters who want to get along with others should govern their behavior around minors, and emotionally charged topics (such as pedophelia) carefully. VERY carefully.
"Please don't feed the animals."
If you know that someone is about as lucid or reasonable as a rabid racoon, don't keep trying to debate them, following them from thread to thread to try to make your point . They won't hear you and you'll just succeed in annoying other people.
"This substance is not for everyone. Some may experience serious side effects. Discontinue use if irritation persists."
If the environment works for you, great. If not, don't try to make it what you want to be. Reform doesn't work, for the Watchtower, or for any group environment.
"This site is in no way intended to substitute for proper medical care."
Okay, many ex JW's need psychiatrists. This is a fact. And since we're venting our stuff here, it's bound
to collide and get messy. I've done my psychiatrist time so I feel that I can say this without prejudice.
"Your mileage may vary."
How long you keep posting on the boards will depend on several factors: how far you come in your recovery, how long it takes you to redefine yourself. Eventually, I believe, everyone moves on.
So in the end, after spending about a year and a half reading, and posting to message boards the only thing I can say is that they are a wonderful resource for people who have questions about the organization and the newly out. But they should come with a few warnings. They're sort of like halfway houses, where folks go after the life altering event of leaving the organization.
Myself, I think I'm ready to try to make it 'out there' in the world. I'm ready to mainstream! *lol*
"The opinions expressed herein are not those of the management of this network."
In other words, I don't expect anyone to agree with anything I've said here. I won't be offended by whatever replies are posted, because contrary to popular belief, I don't take what anyone says here personally. You can't please everyone, and you won't even end up pleasing yourself if you try.
Simon, I hope I haven't stepped on too many toes during my time here. I just wanted to contribute. Thanks for the opportunity.
Be well and happy everyone! Life is too short not to be.
"This is the end of our broadcast day."
