How successful are others at getting ex-dubs together?

by dubstepped 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Simon

    I think a lot of people would find meeting up with that many strangers intimidating and with the JW thing, the larger the group the more the 'risk'.

    It might be more successful to get a few individual connections started first - meetup with one or two people for coffee first and then a larger meetup is less scary for all involved.

    I agree with stan though - what do you really have in common with other exJWs other than something that most who have left should want to forget? We're not under the dictate of the WTS anymore who tell us who we can and can't associate with so why not expand out horizons ... find a meetup for something we're interested in and focus on something other than exJW-ness.

  • Phizzy

    I found it helpful when I first left to attend a couple or three Meetups, there were about 15 or twenty who went, and we shared some experiences and had a nice time.

    But, as Simon says, (and Stan Livedeath above), most of us simply wish to leave it all behind, and if you make a good job of leaving it all behind,you simply don't have the time or inclination to go back and talk about it.

    It is another Country that we have emigrated from.

    We remember the culture of that Country, ( somewhat like North Korea), we remember the pain it gave us, we may remember some of the inhabitants of that Country with fondness, but now we need to get fully in to the culture of our new land, make friends in it, and thoroughly support all community efforts within it.

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    Agree with previous posts (Simon, Stan)

    It's not good for Simon's website, but actually putting exJW-ness behind is a healthy path. In fact, in an effort to put an end to my own attachment to ex-jwness, I am getting a license to ride motorcycles, the classic type. I already own a Honda Shadow that I have never ridden. Who knows, I may graduate to a Harley. But your meetup may have failed for that reason. Many may not get that excited about JW talk.

  • dubstepped

    Thanks for the replies. To clarify a few things, these were all people that I knew (except for 2) back in the day. They are people that I am friends with on Facebook and know I have things in common with. So I don't think it's a lack of things in common or fear of meeting new people. Also, none are married to believers. All of them are out. I do think though that maybe the whole JW thing is an ugly chapter they'd rather leave behind, though I know some post of tge ex-JW Facebook group.

    Maybe I'll just try getting together sometime with them for a non-JW related cause altogether. Or maybe I'll just hang out with my new friends. I don't know. The whole dub thing damages so much of us as individuals and groups.

  • ToesUp

    "the whole JW thing is an ugly chapter they'd rather leave behind,"

    I think you hit the nail on the head on that one. I know my trust does not go as far as it used to. I am working on that. Maybe a lot of the ex JW community have trust issues as well. and your wife sound like fantastic people. Maybe one day when our life and responsibilities slow down, we can meet some of the wonderful people in the community.

  • Dagney

    It's a bit like herding cats. It just depends on the individuals and their needs, frankly.

    I joined here about 10 years ago, and apostafests were happening. There was a large one happening in Toronto, and it worked out I could add the stop to a trip I was planning to visit my elderly mother and "elder" brother and family, yeah...that happened. Anyway, it was huge and people came from all over, probably I was the furthest. About 9 months later Mr Flipper arranged the first Tahoe fest, which I went to as well. I am attached to all the people I have met, our world's collided at a time when we needed something, if just to talk with someone else who understood what we were going through. I'm amazed at the new ones that just show up in Tahoe not knowing anybody. Again, there is a need that motivates the effort.

    Oh I just remembered I posted on here that I was visiting Tucson about 8 years ago, and several people responded to meet up, and a handful drove from Phoenix, I was very touched. One made it to the restaurant and got cold feet and was ready to walk out, then somebody called to them and they joined....we are friends to this day. A need again.

    Based on the society's reports, there are tens of thousands of exJWs everywhere, and the majority just really do want to leave it behind and handle the issues as they come. And it is a painful memory, the former life as a dub, one you don't wish to keep reliving.

    So my really depends on timing and the individuals. It's like making friends...sometimes you hit it off with someone, and sometimes you feel like you are on a desert island. It's a numbers never know when someone will see a meetup posting and want to reach out. Seriously, ya just never really know.

    But...come to Tahoe! You can camp or stay in a hotel. I promise, you will not be disappointed. Just wonderful people that survived a cult.

  • dubstepped

    I'd love to hit up Tahoe someday. At present, I've never been on a plane and that's quite a drive from Indiana, lol. I'm getting on my first plane in November though to see the one friend my wife has from her childhood that is out. She lives in Austin. So I'm making progress on that front. Who knows what next year will bring. Sounds fun.

  • Dagney

    Yeah, ya know, ya think everybody would be as excited as we are to touch base with someone you knew who was out. But that is our deal. I have reached out to a few on FB who I knew were out, and they flat out ignored me. Some I was very close to years ago, another just last week who was just a nice person in the congregation. I still get surprised but am realizing, it's probably not personal, it's just not something they want to do.

    Good on you for traveling and meeting with your wife's friends.

  • flipper

    Hey, Dagney! Hope your hand is healing well.

    Dubstepped, You may really enjoy Tahoe. Hope you can make it.

    Maybe it's because this forum has so many members it's a good place to find good friends. Some people really do bond, and have a lot in common beside being ex-jws.

    We have some very dear friends in your area. There are so many people on this board that I'd love to meet, unfortunately we're talking distance - Europe, Asia, Africa, India, Australia for instance.

    Have fun in Austin. A happening music town.

    Mrs. Flipper

  • Dagney

    Hey Mrs Flipper! I'm working on the hand. It developed fibrosis in the joint that was injured, and I am working on it to straighten as well as bend. And that really hurts, so I don't do what I'm supposed to do as often as I should.

    Missed you this year. Hoping for next year!!! xx

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