How successful are others at getting ex-dubs together?

by dubstepped 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • dubstepped

    For my first Shunniversary I reached out to the local ex-dubs that I know. I invited 11 total to join me in a little get together at a local restaurant, then back to my house to hang out. One friend asked if he could invite others, and I encouraged him, and all, to do so. Other than my wife and I, only one person showed up. Some had competing plans, some ignored me, some said they'd come and bailed the night before. It was very disappointing and reminded me of my days inside the Borganization where I could never get anyone to do anything with me. Heck, other people that are my friends now saw my post about it in my Facebook event page and said they would have come, but my former brothers and sisters didn't seem interested. I thought we could talk about that one part of our lives that we can't share with average people and reminisce, laugh, cry, whatever anyone wanted to do. I had one friend show up to support us, that was it, and he's someone we do things with regularly.

    So, how about you? Have you had any success? My one friend that came said he tried something similar many years ago and got no support. It's a shame that people that had nothing to do with the dubs at all have been super supportive, and those that did weren't interested. Maybe they just want to leave it behind totally or are over it in their lives. It doesn't seem so from what I know of some of them or their posts on Facebook, but they certainly weren't excited about my idea. I wanted to turn my Shunniversary into something positive for others, to reach out and help, and in turn to be helped I guess in some way, and it fell flat.

  • Chook


    I'm playing devils advocate here but some might live with believers still, and they are torn. I'm struggling with a wife who suspicious of Worldy people and JWs don't come near our house because I'm the devil. When I sort things out here, due to religious and marital conflict , all my fellow bloggers here will be welcome for an " apostate" gathering.

  • smiddy

    The JW religion brought many people together who would not ordinarily associate together , coming from all walks of life , socio-economic differences etc.that promoted socialising at the KH ,and at conventions and assemblys.

    Not to mention some weirdos who were attracted to the religion

    Some congregations I was in took the sociaising further where we got together for other activities.

    Maybe people are apprehensive / wary about meeting up with "strangers " again and feel they may be getting involved again in something their not comfortable with.

    Years ago I was in contact with a poster on this board who lives in the same state and we talked about meeting up for coffey,but it never eventuated .

  • Ucantnome

    It was very disappointing and reminded me of my days inside the Borganization where I could never get anyone to do anything with me.

    When I was in my mid-twenties I left a congregation that I had been part of for 4 years. I was a regular publisher and had good meeting attendance on the School, giving a few bible reading, answering in the meetings etc. I wasn't marked or anything. There had been quite a few get-togethers and weddings and picnics that I had attended and had dated a couple of sisters in the congregation that hadn't worked out and another one was interested in going out.

    One of my friends had a leaving, going away party for me and invited everyone in the congregation. He provided plenty of food and drink but no one came. It was just me and him my brother and one of his. Even my other friend his brother didn't come.

    i often found at Witness parties it was difficult and I hated walking in. One I when to I stopped at a bar on the way there then went home I knew what it would be like. Another one at an elders house me and a couple of others were going to take a couple of six packs of beer. I was the only that took any and it disappeared in a couple of seconds of putting it down.

    Recently I attended a BBQ one of my cousins had. I hadn't seen him since the 80's. and before that the 60's some I hadn't seen because we were Witnesses when we grew up. But it was totally different to any Witness party, BBQ type thing that I had ever attended. The people were friendly.

    I'm not a very out going sort of person and I think that is to do with my upbringing as a Witness. Always being guarded in what I say and who I associate with. So many times I've gone to social events and agonized most of the night about what I've saidbeing unable to sleep, that doesn't happen anymore since I left the Witnesses.

    I wouldn't go to ex-dubs meet-ups myself. Nearly didn't go to the BBQ of my cousin.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    from my experience--apart from the cult--i have very little in common with most ex dubs. i have met quite a number at get togethers over the years.

    how many people really want to share past experiences in the cult ? most want to forget about it and move ahead with their lives.

  • joe134cd

    In my time on this board, I have meet 5 in person, and all I have meet have been very supportive. To be fair 4/5 i knew as JWs. On top of this there has been a further 2. One who flatly refused to meet up, saying they didn't want to meet face to face and another who just gave me the run around. Which I guess is ok at the end of the day and no doubt they probably did have their reasons.

  • GoneAwol

    Once you have exhausted the ex dub stories and the usual "do you know bro or sister such and such", you'll realise that you don't actually have that much in common.

    Better to seek out old friends from pre dub years maybe? Or make new ones. At least they will help you forget about the cult.

    Isn't that the goal? To forget all about the cult years?

  • flipper

    DUBSTEPPED- Sorry you've experienced this. Out here in California we have a big group get together out in South Lake Tahoe the weekend after 4th of July every year for the last 9 years straight ! Lots of folks from the board and elsewhere from all across the United States. The last 2 years we've averaged about 50 people for a couple days camping on that weekend. I know another ex-JW friend on the board and she gets people together every 2 months or so in the Northern California area for lunches , dinners, or picnics at various places - we've been there when about 15 to 20 folks showed up. These events have been lots of fun.

    Just keep on trying - perhaps you might start a private discussion only thread and ask if there are ex-JW's in your approximate geographical area in your location who would like to meet up. One way of doing it. Good luck to you. If I was in your area I'd love to meet you folks ! Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • Bonsai

    Exactly what Stan-the-man LiveDeath said. In my experience I have found that most want to move on and forget about that wasted chapter of their lives.

  • Mozzie

    I have srot of tried around here to find any one that isn't apart of the big O, but if there are any, they aren't talking about it so it makes it hard

Share this