Helping my family see the truth about 'the truth'

by Stella3 24 Replies latest jw experiences

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  redvip2000

  As others have said here, what is interesting about JWs, is that there is a second layer to every JWs, that is unknown until you press the issue of TTATT.

  I've known some JWs that I was fairly certain they would reject any conversation about criticism of the organization, but once they realized I was a critic myself, they let their guard down, and were willing to discuss it.

  Conversely, I've met some JWs that i knew were up to no good, even having one of those double life situations, but when confronted with criticism about the Org, reacted as if they were part of the Governing Body.

  You just never know. In my opinion, it all depends on whether that person has given some thought to the issues themselves. If they have, even if they kept it to themselves, they generally are willing to listen to someone who has done the same.

  Another thing i've noticed is that for those who reject a discussion about TTATT, you should try again sometime later, because although they reject initially, it sometimes leaves some questions in their minds that they are curious about.
  
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  xjwsrock

  Stella3,

  In response to your above post. I have said the following to witnesses and it moved the needle a bit.

  "When your religion leads you to believe that you would be better off dead, then I think we can safely say that your religion has failed you."

  Many Many Many Jehovah's Witnesses have come to that conclusion (better off dead). Some have even acted on it.
• 

  Stella3

  It seems like the best thing i can do is to just educate myself as best i can and hope for little openings to plant seeds here and there. Sometimes i forget how well they are trained to defend themselves.

  Around christmas time she was down visiting me (this was before she was DF'd) and she came at me about christmas and how they have the best translation of the bible and all sorts of topics trying to prove that she had the truth and my beliefs were false. i was so ill equipped to handle the conversation. i walked away in tears and she walked away feeling like she won. This is what made me decide to finally do some research and talk to people who know more about TTAT.

  So i am a novice at all of this even though i have been away from the organization for 12 years. I basically just turned a blind eye and said at least they still speak to me. But now that I've done the research and know for sure that its all a lie i guess i just want them to know what they are following and that they don't have to live in fear.
• 

  Crazyguy

  Pm me if you have a specific question about the bible and how to blow up thier teaching. There also plenty of threads here on this forum too. When I woke up I spent 2 years making sure I had a good understanding of what the bible really says to I could have the tools needs to not be blind sided like you were over the Christmas topic. Now I can destroy most of thier teaching using just a bible even thier bible.
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  steve2

  My sister is so broken and i try to help the best I can but she just keeps saying things like she wants to just die and wake up in the New System. Everytime i try to encourage her she just repeats things like 'i hope Jehovah can forgive me' i just want her to have the peace to forgive herself.

  So sad to hear.

  Yet, when people are in the middle of intense pain - for whatever reason - they are usually less likely to think in flexible ways. They are far more inclined to resort to the "I'm-such-a-bad-person-I-hate-myself-and-want-to-die" etc. Fear, guilt and shame (the Holy Trinity of FOG) drives them to go around in vicious circles.

  It is then maddening to watch them in their self-hating zombie-like state mindlessly think about getting reinstated. At some deep level, they equate feeling bad about themselves as "evidence" they are genuine in seeking reinstatement.

  Unfortunately, as long as your sister clings to the effects of emotional blackmail, she will not be receptive to TTATT. In fact, if you tried to help her see TTATT, she could turn you in to the elders and us it as  "proof" she is not as bad as apostates and a further way to demonstrate she is worthy of reinstatement.

  If and/or when the huge emotional pain and turmoil die down, she may be potentially more receptive to TTATT.

  But she will continue suffering for as long as her FOGged up conscience dictates she needs to suffer. Some JWs are fine as soon as they are reinstated. The penalty for comtting adultery and remarrying has been paid! Yay!!

  Other JWs are more inclined towards the martyr complex and spend their lifetime proving their "worthiness" by turning suffering into an art form.

  As much as you love her, don't fall into the trap of sharing TTATT with your sister or spending too much time in her company. You don't want her "issues" to drag you down. Hopefully, she will see you happily getting on with your life outside the organization - and your good example will help her see what she is missing out on.

  Best wishes.
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  goingthruthemotions

  i agree with Simon, she may not react good....just leave it for now. the brainwashing from the Borg is so strong. just live your life and show by example.
• 

  LisaRose

  It's extremely difficult to get someone to wake up.  It's a cult, your sister has been systematically programmed over a period of years to think a certain way and to be afraid of anything critical of the organization. I recommend Steve Hassan's Combatting Cult Mind Control. 

  Steve has helped many people who were in the Moonies cult (he is a former Moonie). Basically he tries to connect with the non cult aspect of people, then ask them questions designed to get them to think. Confrontation and telling people bad things about the Watchtower never (ever, ever, ever)  works. Direct confrontation just causes people to become fearful that they are being misled by Satan. 
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  disposable hero of hypocrisy

  Because nobody else is talking to her right now, just be there for her. Take her out, distract her from her problems, be a good sister, help her, communicate daily. This love will be in sharp contrast to the religion she knows. And it will hopefully open the way to more open discussions, she might be a little more receptive in the future.

  But what everyone else said too, learn more. Ask her to explain the unexplainable. From the Bible. How come we're allowed blood fractions which come from donations, but aren't allowed to donate? How come we're allowed fractions at all if the Bible specifically condemns blood? Ask her if the gb have said anything about the Australian commission, because obviously there's two sides to every story and you realise the media are biased and wanted the jdub version. Ask her if she can help you understand the overlapping generations thing? Get her on your side, then when she realises it can't be understood because it's all tosh and needs blind faith in the GB, she might realise that you're on to something..

  Best of luck!
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  freddo

  @xjwsrock

  Brilliant posts! Thank you.

  All the best on your journey.
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  Heartsafire

  Stella, welcome! I understand what it is like to have family you wish to wake up. My entire family are dubs, and that includes my husband. Confronting them with facts has done nothing for me. So, I've been trying something new, and it seems to be working: I've been happy. I've made some genuine non-JW friends, gotten involved in some awesome do-gooder stuff that I enjoy, and I'm taking better care of myself overall.  I feel sincerely happier than I have felt in years, and I try to share it with my family. JW's are programmed to think that worldly people are miserable and always doing bad things. When they experience something contrary to this, it helps stimulate skepticism towards the teachings. Also, when confronted, I try to let my family know that I am on their side, but I just don't agree with the direction the Borg is going. It is still a work in progress, and they may never change. I have had to come to terms with this possibility and just get on with my life. Good luck to you, and please keep us posted.

  HAF