Helping my family see the truth about 'the truth'

by Stella3 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Stella3

        This is my first time joining a forum like this.  I grew up in the jw religion.  I was baptized when i was 13 and started to fade out at 16 at least mentally.  When i turned 18 i moved out and got away completely.  Somehow i escaped being disfellowshipped.  My family is still very active jws but they speak to me, fortunately.  There are still so many boundaries on our relationship.  They didn't come to my wedding, they never call me i have to be the one to call them, they wouldn't come to my house until i was married, sometimes we argue and i get the 'we just want you with us' speech.  Regardless i am grateful that they are able to have a relationship with me even if it is strained.   Recently i have done a ton of research about the jws and now i know to my core that its all BS.

        My sister was in a marriage with a man she didn't love and because there was no way out she cheated.   They disfellowshipped her and now she is living at my parents house at 32 years old and no one she knows can speak to her.  While she is going through a divorce.   It blows my mind how insensitive they can be while claiming to be compassionate.  Anyways so my sister still believes completely and wants to get reinstated.  But i desperately want to help her to see the truth about this without being labeled as an apostate. has anyone been successful in helping their families? if so, any tips for me?

  • Simon

    Unfortunately, while we all want to help our families we can never know how any individual is going to react. Sometimes you get the harshest response from those you'd imagine to be the least die-hard and vice vera the ones you imagine would be most adamant to shun you don't. There is simply no way to tell where they are deep down which makes any attempt to help others risky so you'll have to judge what you have to possibly lose vs what you have to possibly gain.

    I'm sure there will be plenty of people who can offer advice on ways to approach things subtly and how to reason with her though if you do decide to reach out to her.

  • TheListener
    Welcome Stella. I hope you find success with your sister and parents. There is no sure fire way to free someone but you will get support and advice on this forum.
  • Phizzy

    Please do not set your heart on freeing your family. When I first discovered TTATT ( the truth about the "truth"), I thought it would be easy.

    I showed my JW family some devastating facts. I reasoned with them logically and factually. I showed them their attachment was mainly emotional, not based on any kind of truth.

    All to no avail. At least I can say I tried.

    Maybe you will be happy to say the same.

    My advice is to introduce ideas in the most subtle way you can, not to be devious, but to recognise that JW's are mind-controlled to reject any criticism as being wrong without considering the argument and the facts !

    Try questions like " I am struggling to understand the...... new generation doctrine" or whatever you choose. point out things that contradict their beliefs without comment, like " I heard today that Farming and Agriculture started at least 12,000 years ago"..

    Good luck, but don't be too disappointed if results are not quick, you may well plant seeds.

  • sparky1
    Welcome, Stella. The journey away from Jehovah's Witnesses is easy for some and most difficult for others. Be gentle and kind to your relatives and above all else be patient. Some will respond favorably and some will 'fight you to the bitter end.' Remember that in the final analysis each one of us 'must travel his own road.' Good luck to you and I wish you all the best!
  • kairos

    Welcome. You've come to the right place.

    There is no 'one size fits all' answer.

    You might start with asking your sister why she wants to go back.

    Jesus clearly stated to treat others the way you want to be treated, right?
    Who likes being shunned? Nobody!!

    To forgive. ( they DF )
    Not to judge ( they DF )
    To show love ( they DF )

    See where this is going?

    If they cannot see this, you're facing an uphill battle.

    When they question you on doctrine ( is the BG directed by holy spirit and leading the ORG or other crazy stuff. 1914, overlapping generations, etc ), say you don't know the biblical answer or understand.

    Ask them to show you the truth from the bible. It will soon become evident that they DO NOT have the answers or the backing they claim to be loving followers of Christ.

    The hard part is preventing them from 'teaching you' from the WT publications. Tell them you know what the WT says, but need to see the truth clearly from the bible alone.

    Hope that helps.

    Also, be patient. It may take years.

  • Stella3

    Thank you for your kind responses. I guess deep down i know that there is little i can do. Its just so sad to know that they have devoted their lives to this lie.

    My sister is so broken and i try to help the best I can but she just keeps saying things like she wants to just die and wake up in the New System. Everytime i try to encourage her she just repeats things like 'i hope Jehovah can forgive me' i just want her to have the peace to forgive herself.

    I have found happiness outside of the JWs and i just wish the same for her. My parents have been JWs for 40 years it would take some sort of miracle for them to leave everything they know but i still feel like there is hope for my sister. i just feel so helpless. i am happy to have a place to talk to others who can relate to my experience.

  • WingCommander
  • Crazyguy

    I was able to wake up a friend but I had a a lot of help. His wife had gotten dfd for mutiple acts of the big no no and he wasn't in the mood to go to many meetings. I at first had asked him a question that apparently set off alarms bells and so I had to step lightly. In time though I would just make small comments or a rebuttal to things he said, planting seeds. The fact that because he was missing meetings one of his elders came by and accused him of doing something wrong really helped me. I would just bring up little things from the bible showing how what they were doing was wrong and the scales soon fell off his eyes. Then I was able to show him more stuff from the bible showing how screwed up it is.

    I think what had to be is the table set first by someone going through something that snapps them from thier delusion. Then one can introduce a new thought and the person is more receptive. You may ask your sister some probing questions about how she feels about being dfd and maybe bring up that it's really the husbands fault. Use emotion always if you can. Then if she's opens up you can insert the idea that Jesus would have not dfd you he was all about love forgiveness compassion etc. See where this takes you. If this works push the emotional thoughts some more planting seeds of doubt but don't push to hard. Let her open up and respond only a little to her thoughts. In time this may lead to you being able to share more.

    Since you've been away from the cult you can Also maybe ask some questions and follow with a question like but I thought Jesus said this Or the bible said that. Again play on her emotions and stay in how she feels about things stay away from arguing over logical points or facts bring those up later when the door is open more.

  • xjwsrock

    My two cents...

    I am an awake elder that started learning ttatt 3 or 4 years ago. I still serve because my stepping down at this point would send alarm bells to a few people I said too much to (like my wife). Plus it buys me protection from the other elders for now.

    Anyway, to answer your question, I have recently as of yesterday had a conversation about the "truth" with a long time friend. I didn't say too much hopefully, but got close to the line with him. He is full in but not a servant.

    My conclusion after that conversation and observing his reactions to things that came up, is that the attachment to the religion and the ideology is emotional. That point has been made already in the previous posts. I would add two things.

    1) The reason you can't predict what will awaken someone is that you can't know what emotions specifically that person has for the religion. Emotion is nuts. It is unpredictable. For instance, if you found out your friend's spouse was cheating and then you told him or her, they might refuse to believe it and blame you for trying to wreck their marriage! Same with someone's religion. They are "married" to the organization. You are telling them the org has cheated on them. It can and often does get nasty.....

    2) Since we are dealing with emotion, I think the best bet to move emotion is for a person to come to find out things about the org that are emotional for them to find out.

    For instance the procedure for dealing with an 8 year old boy that gets molested in the congregation by his father. If the father denies it and there are no witnesses, the org does nothing to protect that poor little boy. No cops are called. No social services are called. No judicial hearing. Just a note in a file. 8 year old boy goes back home with a molester. Siblings aren't protected. Children in congregation aren't protected. Children in community aren't protected. All the while, the child thinks Jehovah is going to help him now since he prayed and went to the elders instead of his "worldly" teacher at school.

    Anyhow, sorry to get long winded. Good luck with your family. I am working on a scheme myself to get info to my wife in some way that does not link back to me. Haven't figured it out yet, though. I tried the direct approach a few times and got backlash like I am the Devil himself. Freaky stuff actually.

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