The New World's first Convention... - LMAO

by tresdecu 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  tresdecu

  This was sent to me by a cooky uber-dub. Apparently it's making the rounds locally...it's typical lighthearted JW satire (that they think is GREAT!! smh :-/ )

  The funny thing is...a few older ones in the Hall are forwarding it, thinking it's real. Here it is:

  ______________________________________________________________________________

  The New World's First Convention Program
  
  Friday
  
  Morning
  
  •Talk: Serve Jehovah Joyfully in Paradise! - Speaker: Jonah
  
  •Talk: How Can We Help the Resurrected Ones to Make Progress? - Speaker: Lazarus
  
  Afternoon
  
  •Interviews: Imitate their Faith
  ▪︎Shadrach
  ▪︎Meshach
  ▪︎Abednego
  ▪︎Some of the Resurrected Ones Who Have Lost their Life in the Nazi Concentration Camps
  
  •Song:
  Musical Symphony: "Jehovah, the God Who Keeps His Promises" - Composed and Directed by King David
  
  Saturday
  
  Morning
  
  •Symposium: Perseverance Leads to Everlasting Blessings
  
  ▪︎Blessings From the Past -
  Speaker: Elijah
  
  ▪︎Current Blessings - Speaker: Jeremiah
  
  ▪︎Future Blessings -
  Speaker: Daniel
  
  ▪︎Special Interview With Noah and His Family
  
  Afternoon
  
  •Worldwide Report Update on the Resurrected Ones -
  Speaker: John the Baptist
  
  •Latest Video:
  The Exoduses That Have Changed the World
  (Based on Unpublished Details of the Passing Through the Red Sea and From Har-Magedon to the New World)
  
  Sunday
  
  Morning
  
  •Interviews With Resurrected Abraham, Isaac and Jacob
  
  Afternoon
  
  •The One Thousand Year New Scrolls Presentation
  
  •Special Talk:
  Grow to Maturity and Reach Perfection during the One Thousand Years -
  Speaker: Moses
  
  "Can you imagine yourself and your family in that new world convention? Today's dream is tomorrow's reality! Jehovah's promise is for us to be there. We keep strengthening our faith in his promises - Heb.11:1"
  
• 

  phoenixrising

  More peeing in our ear and telling us its raining.
  
• 

  Beth Sarim

  phoenixrising;

  ''More peeing in our ear and telling us its raining.''

  ROFL, ROFL
  
• 

  truth_b_known

  The most realistic and accurate part of this non-sense is that all the Biblical personas giving the parts are not Christian. Not just because all the Christians from the Bible would be in heaven. No, rather the Watchtower is obsessed with the Old Testament, which is ironic for a "Christian" religion.

  The funny part is the "Latest Video". Where is the electricity coming from to run the equipment to record and then play this video?

  Also, I thought Witnesses stopped referring to the 3 Hebrews by their Babylonian names.
• 

  tresdecu

  truth_b_known....

  like I said it's just a satire piece that some DUB wrote,...I don't think they cared about the electricity conundrum or the Babylonian names for the 3 dudes.

  I just think it's hilarious that some of the older ones thought it was really from the WTS, lmao.
• 

  truth_b_known

  Ah! Yes! Humor!
• 

  Anders Andersen

  This is just silly.

  Btw it's not satire. Satire is humourous ridiculing.
• 

  Gorbatchov

  I can't stand the massive idiot informal jw.org messages.

  G.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  These people are f*cking ridiculous! Absolutely delusional!

  Don't they know that all of these Glorious Ones were already resurrected in 1925 and it's just been kept secret?

  Judge Rutherford said so, so it must be true!
• 

  jwleaks

  Imagine the Convention Rooming Department

  ROOMING OVERSEER: Name?
  

  GUEST SPEAKER: King David.

  ROOMING OVERSEER: You’ll be staying at 4440 Braeburn Rd, San Diego, CA 92116. We have a Cadillac waiting for you. Next?

  GUEST SPEAKER: Daniel, the prophet of Jehovah.

  ROOMING OVERSEER: You’ll be staying at 4440 Braeburn Rd, San Diego, CA 92116. We have a Cadillac waiting for you. Next?
  

  GUEST SPEAKER: Jeremiah, also the prophet of Jehovah.

  ROOMING OVERSEER: You’ll be staying at 4440 Braeburn Rd, San Diego, CA 92116. We have a Cadillac waiting for you. Next. Name?

  And so on...