Concerned Parent

by ConcernedParent 33 Replies latest jw friends

  •  ConcernedParent

    Hi. I'm writing for some advice from former JWs. My family is Christian, and my 15yo daughter is "dating" a JW boy. (The quotes are because they aren't old enough to actually go out on dates... they consider themselves bf/gf and have hung out and gone places with each other, but always with parents, family, etc.) Anyway, this is her first boyfriend, and I really didn't think it would last this long (probably about 6 months now). At first I thought it was harmless, and I didn't want to judge him based on his religion, but as I started doing some research into the organization, I've gotten really nervous about the whole thing.

    **ugh! I just realized the rest of my (lengthy) post disappeared when I posted it. I don't have time to retype the whole thing right now, so I'll try again later. Sorry about that!

  • Mickey mouse
    Mickey mouse

    Just a couple of observations: JWs are only supposed to date "with a view to marriage" ie not before they are of a legal age to marry and not as a social activity but quickly expected to commit or end the relationship. Secondly they are not permitted to date/marry non-JWs. It is highly likely your daughter's boyfriend's family are unaware of the relationship.

    The only way he could legitimise the relationship, and even then it is frowned upon, is to get her to convert and get baptised. Beware!

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    Maybe you should ask your daughter what she knows about his religion. Most of the time, young people don't go into a lot of detail. Just say you were interested in finding out about his religion since you weren't familiar with it.

    If you do it carefully and without sounding biased, you can show how they don't accept blood transfusions etc. Ask what she thinks about that.

    Teenage years combined with the "first boyfriend" ever, might make it more difficult for her to see the danger in this religion.

    But if he is into the JW religion and wants the approval of his family and congregation in order to marry her, he will work at getting her to study and commit to the religion.

    There is a great place to find out more about this religion if you haven't already found it -

    Hope it turns out alright for you and your daughter.

  • sparrowdown

    Hi CP, you have good reason to be concerned.

    Jehovah's Witnesses are a high control religion that interferes with every aspect of a member's life. They take the bible very literally and males are considered the "head" of the woman so if this boy's family are "strong" in the faith that's how their household would be structured. They refuse blood transfusion even in event of an emergency. They discourage strongly higher education and keeping company with anyone not a witness, who they refer to as "worldly". Dating at such a young age would be frowned upon but dating a "worldy" person a definite no-no.

    Ask questions if you can and of course we can try to answer any specifics here.

    Glad you have started researching as their website is total dishonest PR spin.

  • Wild_Thing

    Wow! Your daughter's boyfriend must be from a really liberal JW family! Normally, that would never, ever, in a million years be allowed. Have they celebrated any holidays together? Valentine's Day?

    Either that kid comes from a real liberal family or he's living a double life and is desperate to get out.

    I wouldn't assume you need to become overly concerned yet. Do you know how he feels about being a JW? Is he baptized? Does he want to remain one when he becomes an adult? If he wants out, you could be his saving grace of giving him a way to experience normal things in life ... like having a "girlfriend" when you're 15.

  • jp1692
    CP: as I started doing some research into the organization, I've gotten really nervous about the whole thing.

    You should be nervous, very nervous. You are absolutely right to be concerned.

    JWs are a high-control, authoritarian religion that destroys families. Many—if not most—of us on this forum used to be members of this religion, and we have had our families torn apart by it. The damage is devastating. It is not an overstatement or an exaggeration to call it a destructive cult.

    There are many, many reasons you do not want your daughter involved with Jehovah’s Witnesses.

    For example, they have a well-documented problem with pedophiles in their religion and the leadership has a decades long history of covering it up.

    Do a Google search of “jehovahs witnesses sex abuse” and you’ll see for yourself.

    Here’s one link to get you started:

    The ARC found that from the JWs own records over a fifty year period there were “reports or complaints of child sexual abuse by 1,006 members of the organisation.”

    Out of all those reports, not one was ever reported to the authorities. Not one. Zero.

    And that is just in Australia alone. These problems are endemic with this religion and they are a global concern.

    You need to protect your daughter. Get your her away from this religion, far away.

  • John Free
    John Free

    Hello to you.

    You are right to be concerned. Jehovah’s Witnesses are a high control cult, the leadership is continuously grooming its members to dedicate their lives to the group and seeks to manipulate each and every aspect of a members life to achieve this.

    The group uses personal ‘bible studies’, magazines, books, meetings, videos and so on to indoctrinate/brainwash individuals. Within this cult indoctrination material the group use the FOG model. Narcissistically using fear, obligation and guilt to to achieve its ends- to control the life of a person, ruthlessly breaking up families if necessary.

    It’s a difficult job you have on your hands since love can be blind. But you must forewarn your daughter of the dangers of JWs. is a good place to start.

  • moreconfusedthanever

    Firstly - is he a baptised JW or just a JW by association/family?

    My son has a girlfriend at school at 16. Many would say he is a JW because we as his parents have been JWs all our lives. We are now fading, so quietly leaving. Therefore there are ones who would not know our current position​.

    When I was 16 nearly every one of the teenagers in my congregation had boyfriend/girlfriends at school. Some went on to immerse themselves in the JW way of life and some did not.

    If you want to know where he stands just ask him. If he is a believer I would recommend research into the cult and do said research together with your daughter.

    If he is just biding his time until he is his own man he will need a family to accept him when his own will not.

  • smiddy3

    Their is a new movie coming out called "Apostasy" with Emma Thompson as a family court judge (I think) anyway if your not familiar with how Jehovah`s Witnesses are a high control group over their members and how they break up family`s simply because of religious differences you need to watch it and so does your daughter.

    The trailer is out now.

    They also forbid Birthday celebrations , Higher education , voting ,saluting the flag, Blood transfusions,(hypocritically they accept Blood fractions donated by other people while they refuse to donate their own blood to be processed into fractions )

    I`m sorry if this sounds blunt but if you want to lose your daughter to a cult encourage her to see and get involved with this young JW.

    To do so will only lead you to heartache.?

    I was a JW for 32 years , nip it in the bud before she gets too involved and even if she does get too involved again do your utmost to end the relationship.

  • Still Totally ADD
    Still Totally ADD

    All good comments. Like all teenagers their hormones are in over drive. For Jw teenage boys and girls they are under a lot of fear control and guilt for this. This experience of having a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is very exciting and dangerous for those in this cult. Even more so if they are raised in a very strict jw household. Ignorance about sex, spiritual abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse is the norm for these young ones. Their world is a world of the thinkings of the cult. Dating a person outside the cult is a very rebellious by this boy and it may be his first time he is experiencing a freedom from the cult.

    I feel sorry for him for if he is truly in a Jw family and if he gets caught he will be in a lot of trouble. If he is baptized in the Jw faith he could be disfellowship or excommunicated from the cult and shunned by all he knows. He is playing with cult like fire. Be kind to him but at the same time try to get as much information you can on him and learn more about how destructive this cult is. Good luck to you on this subject. If you have any more questions please come back to this board and ask them. Still Totally ADD

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