Concerned Parent

by ConcernedParent 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • carla

    CP's goal is to keep her daughter safe and to prevent her from joining a cult. It is not to attempt to "rescue" her daughter's boyfriend and/or get him to wake-up and leave the cult. If that happens, great. But he's only 15 and has a long, hard road ahead of him that HE has to figure out and walk. And he has to do it for himself first and foremost. -

  •  ConcernedParent

    I don't know how to quote, sorry, but

  •  ConcernedParent

    My phone is giving me problems today! Still trying to learn how to use this android!

    I don't know how to quote, sorry, but yes, my goal is definitely to keep her safe and away from that religion! I do feel like there's a strong chance the boy will probably end up out at some point in his life, but I certainly don't want my daughter to be the reason, and I'm concerned about the issues that will come with that if he ever does leave.

    Yes, his sister married very young. Yes, I worry that he's already thinking of my daughter in those terms (which scares the heck out of me!) However, I don't think it's uncommon for young teens to think that way when they think they are "in love."

    Yes, I have shared my concerns with my daughter about the religion... it scared her, I hope!

    I really wish I could just sit down with this boy and listen to his views on his religion, but of course I cannot. I wouldn't want his parents talking religion with my daughter, so I feel like I should afford them the same courtesy.

    Deciding how much to limit their interaction is difficult. I'm obviously not encouraging it, but since the boy has done nothing wrong nor attempted to influence her in even the smallest way (to my knowledge), I would have a hard time justifying it to my daughter. I do feel for him, and I hope we've shown him that "worldly" people are not what he's probably been told they are. But I sure will not be heartbroken if they have a spat and break up soon, like teenagers do!

    I guess I will just let things pretty much continue as they are, while making sure to keep open lines of communication with my daughter. If I find out he has been baptized, or if he starts even hinting at persuading her toward his beliefs, I will have to take more drastic measures (but I am dreading that, because it will put a strain on my relationship with my daughter.)

    Thanks so much for all the input, everyone! I really appreciate it!

  • Amelia Ashton
    Amelia Ashton

    My 15 year old daughter was dating a lovely 16 year old JW boy while I was JW myself and I was happy about the relationship as they were chaperoned by myself or were in a group of other JWs and were planning to get married once they were both baptised and she was 16 which was only a matter of weeks away but no rush.

    Even tho neither were baptised when the elders found out they still stepped in and threatened the lad with losing his goodstanding in the congregation and he would not be able to get baptised if he continued the relationship. The elders never even asked me how I felt but as a woman and raising my children alone my opinion would have been worth zilch anyway.

    He chose the religion over my daughter and she was heartbroken subsequently refused to go to meetings and my relationship with her broke down. (We are fine again now)

    I am still friends with her first love who is happily married to an elder's daughter and has 3 children he adores and he is a great dad........but he is JW. She had a lucky escape but we didn't see it at the time.

    I do think if you try and separate them you will have the opposite effect and any argument against the religion is likely to fall on deaf ears if she is in love and may even come across as nagging or point scoring against him.

    The boy should be able to articulate his intentions to you as her mother and if he is open to finding out the truth about his religion that might be your best course of action but if he choses your daughter he needs to understand he may lose everyone else in his life if he is disfellowshiped.

    As you are not JW your daughter converting is not the end of the world and she may see that a minimum 8 hours a month door knocking and 3 meetings a week not be that big a scarifice to be with her love. A mum constantly down on her boyfriend's religion tho might be too much for her to take.

    I was recruited in as an adult and back then I felt and believed forfeiting holidays like xmas etc and family was worth losing for the happiness I was promised but everything was a lie and fake, even their "love" was false.

    Hopefully the relationship will fizzle out but if she converts, gets married and has children try to ensure she always has you. It will make her escape easier.

    Feel free to PM me. X

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