Feeling very lonely

by BlackWolf 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • rebelfighter


    I am sorry you are going through this bad time. I have never been a JW or in a KH but I have worked with a youth group for many years. I agree with most of what is said above.

    I would like to suggest a couple of things that might also help your switch to a more positive attitude. First please start a daily journal. Start by writing one or two things that you either noticed or experienced that made you smile. It could be your mom's dress or a flower. Maybe something one of your siblings did something that made you smile. As time goes by maybe instead of one or two things you might be filling that page with a lot of little things that have made you smile. Life is really about a whole lot of little pleasures not just one big thing.

    Second thing I know you are being forced to attend all JW stuff by your parents. I read most of the programs or whatever it is called. I do not agree with any of it. Instead of being that flower on the wall. How about trying this out? Next meeting look around the room start with one of maybe the older sisters or another someone else who seems lonely. Walk up after the meeting with a smile on your face (even if you have to fake it) compliment her dress or her purse or shoes. Next meeting do 2 or 3. Adults just love it when youth give them compliments. Trust me it will make you feel better too. So spend the meeting time picking out your targets instead of listening to that boring crap then you won't have to stand there like a wall flower.

  • scratchme1010

    Blackwolf, you remind me of me when I was in a almost identical situation. The JWs do that for no reason. To them you may not be cool enough to deserve their attention. Or it may be simply based in some ill-intended gossip that for some reason they love taking as factual information.

    Moving forward, I wish I could tell you that things will turn around, but not only they may not, but also it's better for you.

    Questions, are you happy being a JW (forget about how you are treated in the congregation)? Do you believe in what they teach? Do you want to remain a JW? Do you enjoy their activites and are you ok abiding their rules and guidelines? If so I'd suggest to start going to another congregation, maybe you may make better connections with people from the congregation.

    However, if on the other hand you find yourself questioning your faith and belonging to that organization, this is a great opportunity that is being handed to you. You have now plenty of time and space to start informing yourself about alternatives and maybe making a move. The good thing about people not paying attention to you is that you can get away with doing plenty, and that my friend, is definitely reason to be depressed.

    I was in a similar state in the congregation and I went through a period of depression over the mistreatment and neglect from the people who are supposed to be loving. I even went through a conflicted time when I started feeling bad for feeling good outside the congregation. I got that over really soon as I got a taste of what a better life and really caring people are.

    I'm not encouraging you to stay or leave, but I do encourage you to realize that you do not deserve to be mistreated, especially if you are being a good JW.

  • Simon

    I think it's easy to be isolated at a KH - you may not be doing anything wrong but some people decide you are not doing enough 'right' and ignore you are you are not included in one of the many clicks and yeah, you are on your own.

    I'd suggest trying to broaden your circle of contacts and make friends by joining groups to try something new. Talking to strangers is scary but once you do it becomes easier. We've been to Paint-Night events (usually at a pub) and you just stroll around and tell someone else you like their painting and boom, you get to chat. Even if you don't come away super-friends, every little bit is practice, like exercising a muscle, that makes you better at it next time.

    You could also, as a short term measure, try meeting up with some exJWs in your area. Many people are more than willing to meet for a coffee and a chat. Sometimes that helps.

  • jaydee
  • Giordano

    Blackwolf came to this forum when she was 15. She's been home schooled, and isolated.......... her parents are uber JW's and her father is now an Elder. Blackwolf isn't particularly interested in being a baptized JW. So her Dad has threatened her with being expelled from her home when she turns 18 if she doesn't get baptized.

    Of course Dad will lose his Elder position if she isn't tossed out of her home. You can read her opening posts here:


    She has had any number of serious issues but she keeps trying to move forward. I think this forum is a life line for her. And any of you who have taken the time to offer good advice please review a few of her first posts.

    I think it's important to understand as much as possible about an under aged poster (anyone for that matter) so our advice can be even more helpful.

    At some point in time she is going to need real tangible help. I believe she lives in a rural part of Florida......... which has a huge hurricane about to make landfall today 10/6/16.

  • Saename

    I know your feeling when you stand by the wall in the Kingdom Hall. I've been there before I left. I was feeling alone. However, the problem wasn't that other people weren't interested in associating with me; it's just that I didn't take the initiative to talk to them.

    Personally, I wouldn't recommend making friends with Jehovah's Witnesses. You're planning to fade, so they will shun you (even though you're not baptised.) You can go out and meet some non-JW people. As Simon mentioned, it's tough, but it is like a muscle.

    Also, in your first post you mentioned you were 15, which would make you around 16 now. I'm not exactly your age, but I'm still young—only 18. I just finished high school in June. If you need a friend in your age range, I'm here. I'll send you a PM with my contact information.

    By the way, your dad can't track your Internet history by using the router. That's not what routers are for at all. He could track you by installing a program on your computer, which in turn would save your Internet history. However, considering the fact he was threatening your brothers with the router, I'm guessing he doesn't know anything about tracking. I bet he has no idea how to install a tracking program on your computer, so I'd say you're completely safe.

  • rebelfighter

    Yes she is from somewhere in Florida, I have followed her since she first started posting. Florida is a large state I am in one section and my daughter is in another but by no means do we have this state covered. We were never JW. I have worked with youth groups and my daughter is in elementary education. If by any chance either of us are anywhere near BlackWolf we would be delighted to spend some time with here.

    Yes, you are right, we are under a state of emergency and my crazy daughter is hanging out over near the coast where this hurricane is about to hit.

  • BlackWolf

    I appreciate everyone's advice. I usually try to stay positive and pretend to be happy, but sometimes it really gets to me. A few weeks ago I tried to talk to my dad about how I didn't have any friends and he completely freaked out about it and started hitting himself. I wasn't trying to blame him or anything, but I guess he took it that way. My mom told me never to talk about it again. I'm pretty sure he's a little mentally unstable, and it scares me sometimes.

    I know everyone isn't out to get me, it's really just a few people that have treated me badly and spread some false rumors. I try to be a nice person and I'm never mean back, and i'm sure some of the other teens feel the same way as me. I guess the stress of jw life can just bring out the worst in people sometimes.

    I live in the panhandle, so I don't think the storm will hit here, at least I hope :)

  • Saename

    It's not really the stress of JW life. It's just being human. We tend to focus on the worst parts of our lives, though rather subconsciously—until one day we decide to focus on the better moments.

    If you still need some friends, though, we're still here for you. Rebelfighter lives in Florida as well, so all you need is just ask to meet her. You also have my Skype and Facebook, just in case you ever want to talk to somebody your age. I assume it probably feels uncomfortable for you right now when so many people responded to your topic about feeling lonely. But don't ignore your first instincts that convinced you to create this topic.

  • Incognito
    I don't even ride horses anymore because the trainer at the barn I went to was really mean and bitchy towards me.

    This may not have anything at all to do with you but this person may have had an earlier incident or a personal matter that was bothering them. If you have the ability and opportunity to do what you enjoy, don't stop that because of an isolated incident.

    If the trainer's behavior continues as you experienced, ask what her/his issue is. If there is an issue, it can't be resolved unless you are also aware.

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