Feeling very lonely

by BlackWolf 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • BlackWolf

    The past few months I've been feeling really depressed and kind of hopeless. The few people that actually were a little bit friendly to me at the hall recently moved away, and I'm feeling like more of an outcast than I already was. Every meeting I just stand by myself by the wall and nobody cares, I feel really lonely and unloved. :( Idk why people treat me this way because I didn't even do anything wrong.

    Anyways I've just been feeling pretty low and I haven't felt motivated to do much schoolwork or anything. I don't even ride horses anymore because the trainer at the barn I went to was really mean and bitchy towards me. I feel like everyone hates me for some reason and that I can't escape. I wish I knew how I could get out of my predicament but it feels meaningless because once my family starts shunning me I will feel even more lonely. Sorry if I sound whiney I just have no one else to talk to.

    Also the reason I haven't been too active on here is because I'm afraid of my parents finding out. I overheard my dad threatening to my brothers that he could see what they do on the internet through the router? It scared me at first but he obviously hasn't since he would know that I've been on sites like this. Can he really see the sites that I visit that easily?

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Don't know where you're from but local libraries have computers that can be used by the public.

    Also, if you can drive that will give you some independence. Ask your parents to pay for driving classes. Public schools give driving classes - I know you're homeschooled - but you can ask them if they'll accept you.

  • HereIgo

    @blackwolf, you don't sound whiney at all, we have all been there. In my opinion, it is probably a good thing that you don't speak to anyone at the hall, because when you do decide to fade, then there are additional relationships that you have to break ties with. But, I understand feeling like a loner. My advice is just try to get back to the things you like, such as riding horses. If they are rude to you be rude back. It will help to grow thick skin, after all the world definitely isn't nice. As far as the internet thing, there are programs that parents can use to monitor what sites you visit. If you are concerned about that, then try to use public wifi when you can. Just my suggestions, we are here to help!

  • dubstepped

    Hey Blackwolf, I'm sorry to hear things are going poorly. Remember that you have friends here. You can pm me anytime. I understand being scared that someone will find you on here. It doesn't sound like your parents are very tech savvy, but from a quick Google search it does look like you can track down who is visiting what from a router, and no amount of clearing history or using incognito modes will help. Be very careful. Damn.


    That's an older article but there appear to maybe even be apps that can be used now.

    Oh man, talk about isolating. I'm so sorry.

    I know this doesn't help, but I would bet that there are many at your hall that feel just as lonely and unloved as you. I did, as an adult, and I know that others did too. There's always a select "cool club" and a clique or two and everyone else is an outcast, whether teens or adults. Face it, in the end everyone there is just a stranger united by the fact that they go to a place to do a thing, that's it.

    I wish I had some great advice but I don't. Sometimes when you're in prison the only thing you can do is make the best of it and bide your time until your release date. Just know that you don't deserve it and be determined to do something better when you get out.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    I just stand by myself by the wall

    I understand given the way you feel, why you would do that but do you think it may be sending people signals that you don't want them to talk to you?

    I don't even ride horses anymore because the trainer at the barn I went to was really mean and bitchy towards me.

    Not to sound insensitive but much of what you say in this post and past posts makes it sound as if most everyone you encounter, is against you. This very well could be the case but most of the time we are in control of how we react when life doesn't go our way or when people treat us badly. Why stop riding horses just because someone is a jerk? Why not ignore her and get on a horse and gallop off across the field and have a wonderful time?

    If I altered my life around everyone who was rude to me over the years, I'd be no where. When you are depressed, you are seeing the world around you through depressed eyes. We often give our negative thoughts more credibility than they deserve instead of choosing to filter them out or ignore them altogether.

    I'm feeling like more of an outcast than I already was.

    Have you been cast out or are you excluding yourself?

    How many times a week has anyone actually said or done something mean to you. I'm talking about, stole your lunch money, told you to get lost, called you a horrible name, kicked your dog or cussed you out ? I'm guessing not once.

    How many times a week have you had your feelings hurt just by a mere look on someones face or by their tone of voice or because they didn't pay attention to you? I'm guessing quite often.

    Which is more likely to happen....you look across the aisle at the Kingdom Hall and you notice someone looking at you and you think to yourself....

    A) Oh....there's that sister Jones....what's she lookin' at ?? I can tell by the look on her face she thinks the answer I gave on the last paragraph was stupid! I can tell she doesn't like me.

    B). Oh...there's sister Jones....she show's up at the meeting 3 or 4 times a year, never answers and still expects to get everlasting life !


    C) Oh there's sister Jones...she's probably thinking how nice I look tonight and is really glad I'm here. I'll bet she's hoping I'll come up after the meeting and talk to her.

    Probably A or B right?

    A depressed or negative person may feel others are being harsh toward them when actually because they are feeling badly, they are projecting their own negativity onto others or reading other peoples minds incorrectly.

    Sister Jones could just as easily have been sitting there thinking " I need to remember to pick up some milk on the way home....Oh...there's BlackWolf....I wonder why she's looking at me like that...anyway, I should also pick up some eggs while I'm at it and it might not be a bad Idea to get a loaf of bread."


    It might be helpful to do an experiment where you spend 24 hours where you pay attention to your thoughts and see how often you try to read someone else's mind, interpret someone else's motives, or are look for reasons to be offended.

    See how many times a day you expect others actions to make you feel good compared with how many times a day you do something to make someone else's day better.

    There's a story about an old man who was sitting on his front porch and a stranger called out to him saying

    Stranger: "I'm thinking about moving to this town....what's it like here? Are the people nice ?

    Old Man: " Well tell me....how did you like your old town and the people in it?"

    Stranger: " Oh...my old town was boring, there was nothing to do and everyone who lived there was an idiot! "

    Old Man: " In that case, you're likely to find this town is the very same way"

    Much of our happiness is determined by our own outlook and how we react to our experiences rather than controlled by the actions of others. Why not find reasons to like people and ways to make it easy for them to approach you? Just assume that most people are basically nice are not thinking that much about you or going out of their way to make you unhappy.

    I think you're in a rut where you are thinking negatively about the world around you and looking for ways to prove this is so. This can happen to anybody especially if they are isolated from others too much and become focused on their own thoughts and wishes. It's time to break the cycle. You have the power to make your life more pleasant for yourself. Unless something bad is actually physically happening to you, force yourself to ignore the negative thoughts...shoo them away like flies at a picnic. Assume the best about the people around you and look for reasons to be appreciative and grateful that things are as good as they are. If you are warm, fed, have a roof over your head and have people who care for you, your already most of the way there !

    Things are lookin' up for you...you'll see !

  • just fine
    just fine
    I am sorry you are feeling bad. Things will get better and you will get through this rough patch. We are all here for you, and are hoping for the best for you.
  • Chook

    Hi Blackwolf

    hope some on here can cheer your sorry soul up , sadness is often how we react to things around us that we have little control over , there come a time in life where you can take more control, it is at this time you must stand up for your principles and beliefs, because if your don't the days can get very dark with sadness. I'm no expert on computers but I know you can use search engines that leave no history one is "duck duck go". An other thing you can do which your dad won't be able to trace is when you go to sites like this is use a VPN ( tunnel bear is free). Hang in there and remember your remote friends on here have walked many roads and you can access wisdom beyond your years.

  • FayeDunaway

    Hoping that you can be patient with this lonely time in your life, BW. It's so difficult. Please don't let it spoil your schooling...that is so important for you so that you can escape this stuff. You sound really depressed. So sorry you are going through an especially rough patch.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    I know that it's easier said than done Blackwolf, but try and look for the really big positives in your life, in your thinking, and in your potential future.

    The greatest positive is that you are a very bright and inquisitive person who has the intelligence to recognise what is good for them and what is not, especially when it comes to very destructive cults.

    Your life is now a blank canvas - go and paint a beautiful picture!

  • Je.suis.oisif

    Hey Blackwolf. Read your OP. It sounds as if the text about being at tge KH could have been mine.

    I've been faded now for 17mnths. Dont5miss any of it. My situation is different from you in that I'm not dependent on parents. I don't want to patronise you, sufficient to say I remember what it was like to live in a strict non-jw household.

    People can't trace internet history via a router. Your dad is just planting seeds to further emasculate you. It's a tried & tested weapon. They need your device. If you clear your history, then not possible, unless experts take it in. The only thing he can do is monitor you live. He'd have to sit there & watch numbers whizzing past him. Then he'd have to know what they all mean. Unless I've missed parental snooping technology advances. In which case, I stand corrected.

    Please please just hang fire. Time does pass slowly when your young. Keep visiting or posting. We're routing for you buddy.

Share this