Since Myself and our sons left the JW cult, My wife has been M.I.A has a mom and wife

by goingthruthemotions 20 Replies latest jw experiences

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  goingthruthemotions

  I would like to get some feed back from POMO's who's spouse is still PIMI.

  Since Myself and our son's left the JW cult. My wife has been M.I.A has a mom and a wife. Ours Son's don't really have a connection to her. In fact our youngest son's said he doesn't consider her a mom and our older son just doesn't care.

  In reality she doesn't care about us. More often then not she just spends her time in our bedroom ignoring us. And When she isn't all she does is bitch at the boys and always finds an excuse to be angry with me.

  I have told her many times that if she is not happy she should leave and go find her JW elder so she could be happy.

  As a wife she has no love, Very heartless.

  She wasn't always like this for 19 years everything was good. in 2008 got involved and in 2013 me and the boys left. I was hoping she would leave with us. But, no...The cult had to strong of a strangle hold on her. You see once we joined the cult I saw a change and when we left that change was worse.

  I have noticed she lives in fear. I don't think she sleeps good because she is always afraid of the end to come. I think she thinks if she sleeps that the end will come and she will not be ready. What a mind screw.

  None of her fleshy sister or brother are JW's. It was just her and her mom. Her mom died a brainwashed witness. It also seems that when her mom died she became worse.

  I wish i had my old wife back, but that train left the station. I just don't know when to say that's it and move on and leave her to her cult. I have worked so hard all my life to give her a good life. This sucks so much.
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  Rocketman123

  I have noticed she lives in fear.

  and thats exactly the way WTS/Jworg. controls people, the intimidation, fear and guilt is strongly imposed into people who get indoctrinated into this cult/religion.

  Its a shame that so many families have to get broken apart like this and for this reason.

  God is money and power for men, so that's why you see so many religions, some are extremely highly controlling some or not.

  I would classify the JWS religion as above average.
  
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  Diogenesister

  Presumably you no longer believe in god. Have you ever spoken to her about evolution? The history of the witnesses? The sort of man Rutherford was, that he left his JW wife and son for over 20 years and neither of them attended his funeral. About the scams...miracle wheat, Beth Sarim, the UN and Mexico Malawi scandals?

  I know the usual policy is softly softly, the Socratic method....teach using questions. But I think in your case that ship is sailed. I’m sorry, so very sorry for your kids. I say hit her with everything there is. Every piece of evidence.....if she leaves sod her. She’s not worth it. If you find some one else above ALL else make sure she has the biggest heart. Nothing else matters because those boys need it. Go find them a mother.
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  waton

  hit her -- the scams...miracle wheat, Beth Sarim, the UN and Mexico Malawi scandals?

  Ds: I see it differently judging by my situation: we have to help people, that are in mental anguish, because they lost the support of their closest friend, family to sustain their unsustainable belief in the wt lie.

  My little daughter's rhime: "If they say, you will not die, you know it is a lie". instead of creating more insecurity by pointing out impossibilities, (which is ok here), try to subtly build the person up.

  There is a far greater reward than wt offers. the Universe is far grandioser than the bible says.

  The possible creator has done far greater things, than wt promises. with a family going forward, she is his fellow worker.

  
  
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  Pete Zahut

  It took a lot courage for you and your sons (and the rest of us) to leave but she is frightened. Your leaving has pulled the safety net out from under her. She is under the influence of a cult..she is a victim. Is there any way you can take pity on her? Can you think back on a time when you were very very scared and remember what that felt like? I imagine she retreats to your bedroom because it's the only place in this world that she feels safe (a classic sign of depression). Can you somehow reassure her that no matter what, you are on her side and that you and your sons are there to do whatever it takes to make sure she is safe?
  

  Thinking about how awful she must feel in this situation will help you feel lest resentful toward her. Good families are hard to come by. Don't be too ready to give up on what you have....err on the side of kindness.
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  stan livedeath

  Does your wife have a job and income?
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  BluesBrother

  I am well out , mentally at least and my wife is definitely still in. When I resigned and dropped the faith I recognized what a blow that was for her. I tried to make it up by being a decent husband and never fulfilling the stereotype of "worldly men"

  This is not to criticise or blow my own trumpet but you say " I have told her many times that if she is not happy she should leave and go find her JW elder so she could be happy"........Is that ghe best way to win her round ?

  True, I have made comprises. On a Sunday I am willing to accompany her to the hall , if she goes. I have helped her with going to conventions . I know that if I had nothing to do with it then we would have nothing and life would be hell for us both.

  It is worth sitting through a crap talk to have the benefit of a calm and enjoyable home life. Funnily enough things are better between us now than ever they were when I was an elder and always having to do something.

  Everyone is different I know, but that is my experience. All the best.
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  Fadeaway1962

  Sorry for your situation at present , from your previous post this behaviour has been going on for years.

  This is clearly unreasonable behaviour on the part of your wife towards yourself and your boys,yes hiding away from yourself in the bedroom could be a symptom of depression but it could also be silent treatment in order to punish yourself and your boys and is a form of domestic abuse (I'm a survivor of domestic abuse at the hand of my JW wife and she would do that to punish and control me ) please consider speaking to a marriage counselor or a domestic abuse agency for their advice and support .

  For you and your boys and your mental and physical health please seek help and advice from trained professionals for the best help and advice.

  Take care and my thoughts are with yourself and your boys.
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  Vidiot

  Those of us able to WTexit with our families should never forget how lucky we are.
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  fastJehu

  @goingthruthemotions

  
  

  Same situation my hole childhood. My dad POMO never left his PIMI wife.

  This ruined the hole family life over decades - until he died with 82 years. Looking back - if he would have left her - the hole family would have been better. This PIMI mindset ruins everything.