goingthruthemotions:
You certainly find yourself in a difficult situation. Nevertheless, from my perspective, you and your sons made the right decision to leave. If you are comfortable with that decision, then that opens up other possibilities for you.
Still, some facts remain true to me. Primarily is the one that, people rarely change overnight. There must be some fundamental insecurity or issue in your wife that have caused these developments. It may have been there for a long time and only manifested itself due to a change in life. You mention that she changed about the time you got "involved" (2008). Then, it got worse by 2013 when you left. She must be going through some personal struggle, even if she's not aware of it. That's typical of many people in the religion but very difficult for some to recognize it depending on their emotional fortitude and makeup.
While it may seem that since you and the boys left she would be more isolated, the false support she receives from the JWs may sustain her against you for a while. That may depend on how empathetic the "brothers" are, which is not very reliable. It may take some time for a new development. Think about her condition and about what you describe as she became more mean towards you and your sons. Emotionally, that is not simple to explain.
Hang on to your resolve. After leaving the Borg, the world has a greater range of possibilities for you. Seize them!