by Cindy 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Ding

    I don't have any advice. Just want to sympathize with you. It's a shame you're in a religion where you aren't allowed to be open about your questions and doubts. Fortunately, your husband is more understanding.

  • ToesUp

    I agree with everyone's advise. Move slow and steady. Eat the elephant, "one bite at a time." It's a lot to process.

  • TheMark

    Hi Cindy. If I were in your situation I would avoid expressing doubts. You can't reason with them and it will only lead to you being labelled an apostate. Just say you're depressed, they have no arguments against that. Slowly stop going to meetings. They'll try to encourage you at first but after a while they'll get used to your absence. Avoid being an apostate at all costs. Good luck.

  • dozy

    Is he an elder or ms? Then presumably he would lose his position and be deleted if you faded or began to be seen as "spiritually weak".

    It's a bit of a mess - no obvious answers , I'm afraid. All you can do is play the long game & see what develops.

  • LisaRose

    I am sorry you are feeling stuck, I am sure it's very difficult to be in this situation. I agree a slow fade is probably your best option.

    It probably seems impossible at this point, but you might think about trying to get your husband to see that The Watchtower is not what it claims to be. It would not be easy, but a few people have helped family to get out. I pulled some information together on what has worked for others in this thread.

  • Londo111

    I believe that all JWs have doubts sometimes, find meetings incredibly boring, and hate the “preaching work”.

    JWs can be nice people and seem like the most loving people on earth. Only too quickly, that can be a nightmare and they can become quite vicious, too no fault of their own. But this organization is quite toxic. I’ve found that happiness is having as little to nothing to do with it as possible.

  • blondie

    I had the dilemma of having doubts but afraid to talk to my husband about it especially after he became an elder.

    In my case the BOE demonstrated their true selves to him in cruel and unkind ways; I just listened and asked him if he thought they would change, maybe we should change to another congregation and it would be different. We changed and it seemed better than the same old problems surfaced and even worse. Things my husband knew were extremely wrong scripturally and harmful to us and others.

    By that time I had stopped going, I have physical disabilities that were getting worse. Then the final straw, my husband could not back up the sins against God, hide it, and not doing so would mean being pressured as long as he stayed an elder. So he chose to stop being an elder (yes, they threatened him saying he could not do that only they could; but he said he was sure they did not want him up on the platform and be sure of what he would say. After 6 weeks of more cruelty, he just stopped going.

    I can't say your husband will open his eyes but I will say this, you are not responsible for his spirituality or he yours. We all stand before God as individuals. And our loyalty is to God and ourselves first not family members or other jws.

    Some can stay and fake it and avoid things that are outright cruel.

    We have been "inactive" for 15 years, never been back or interacted with jws except where unavoidable in public settings like stores and on the street. We are always kind and hope things are going well for them, and that we are happy.


  • berrygerry
  • Heartsafire

    YES. You are not alone. I am dealing with this too. My husband is very much in and I have faded. It has been very hard for my husband, but I'm at that point that I just can't fake it anymore.

  • steve2

    Oh Cindy, I so feel for what you are going through. It is almost always harder to find a way forward in life when the people you care about so much are so devoted to their beliefs and decent and loving towards you as your husband is! Often it is easier to fade when those you love are not so understanding and helpful because then it gives you something to react to. You come across as someone who increasingly finds it hard to believe the organization but are super aware of how this would impact on your wonderful husband. That's so hard.

    I am hopeful that others in similar situations to you will offer their thoughts and advice as some have already done. Best!

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