2016 death of my father who told me don't come back if your a Witness...still hurts my soul! Warning you all!!

by Witness 007 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • cyberjesus

    Sorry for you loss.

    The situation is hard. your not the first... and you won't be the last.

    We are all victims... until we take charge.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Sorry to hear the grief you're going through.

  • OnTheWayOut

    So sorry to read of your loss. You were bamboozled, it wasn't that you were a dumb or rotten son. You are like your dad so you probably understand the stubbornness on both your parts to never repair the damages. Nothing can make up for lost time, but it sounds like your dad did the best he could to move on and would hope that you do the same after you mourn your loss.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    So sorry that things happened this way. If it helps your grieving process, try and remember, you were an immature kid (which is to be expected...that's what kids are) and he, as an adult, was the one to tell you not to come back if you were a JW. As a parent, I'm sure he realized that most of how was things went, was his doing and that you as a young JW, were not entirely to blame.

    There's no good way to explain all of this away, but time will be a friend to you as you come to grips with all of this. Family is like good health, you miss it only when it is gone, so thanks for putting that reminder out there...I'm sure there are those who will reconsider their own situation based on your experience.

  • dubstepped

    Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been different. That one sentence helped me tremendously in many areas of life. You, at the time, were doing your personal best. So was your father. It didn't work out. Let it be. You aren't some horrible son. Have compassion for yourself as victim of a cult as well.

    I'm sorry it didn't work out in the best way, there are people estranged from their families for all kinds of reasons. My dad died in April, spending the last year of his life shunning me after I left the dubs. We never had a great relationship. I tried very hard and he pissed on it all in the end. I took him fishing, to baseball, games, on trips, all of the things I could do to foster a relationship with him because he was never interested in one when I was a kid and I wanted one desperately. In the end he threw it all away. But I also realize that his parents were very messed up and unfortunately hurt people end up hurting other people. I had a lot of issues around all of that. Back to that first sentence though, forgiveness is giving up hope that it could have been different. He was doing the best he could with the tools he had and the damage that lived within him. You were doing your best. Your dad did his. It is unfair to ask for more.

  • smiddy

    Your not alone Witness 007, the sad thing is so many of went down that path.

    sorry for your loss cobber.

  • wannaexit

    I am so very sorry for your loss. This organization is a monster for allowing families to separate like that. I hate it!!!

  • StephaneLaliberte

    Sorry for your lost. Losing a parent is among the worst thing most of us will experience at one time or another. Regardless of your final relationship with your Dad, it isn't something that can go easy.

    And yet, now is not the time to over grief with misplaced guilt. Focus on the good things and forgive the bad. Your Dad was a good dad when you were young kids? Awesome. Some here have had drunkards or man so involved in their religion that they were never there.

    So, for now, focus on the good.

    As for how it turned out when you became a young adult… Well, your Dad holds a very large part of responsibility for what happened between you two. Young man often do stupid things that will have serious impact on the rest of their lives. Parents should understand this and be every more available to their kids to guide them through these mistakes; not throw them ultimatums.

    One of the things that motivates me in my online activism is the fact that many JWs parents will throw ultimatums at their kids should they not stay JWs. Well, it is sad to observe that this is also the case with some Catholics even if their own religion doesn’t force and enforce this.

    In doing that, your Dad was wrong. He should have respected you and stayed by your side. Asking you thoughts provoking questions here and there. Sure, you also have you share of responsibility in this. Just don’t take it all on you.

    Your Dad was unable to handle this, but he was a good dad when you were younger. So, focus on that.

  • Life is to short 2
    Life is to short 2

    Words fail me right now, I am just so sorry for your pain. It breaks my heart. my thoughts are with you.

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    Thanks for all your comments, sorry I had been drinking alot of booze when I posted. I guess we are all family the "lost boys." And girls...Can't change anything now.

Share this