Newly Free, Need Advice

by HappyBlessedFree 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    Welcome HBF. I hope you enjoy your visits to the forum and you benefit yourself AND your family.

    You have a PM.

  • WillYouDFme

    Welcome. Know that so many of us have had similar experiences

    Coftys advice on being patient is good, take it.

  • tiki

    Welcome and congrats on moving away from the damaging religion. Lots of good advice already takes time to accept the reality that one has wasted so much time on a lost cause...and with some a certain amount of pride to overcome with the realization that they've been duped for so long.

    As for the could arrange a party at a kid venue and let your son invite however many friends you feel appropriate. That way he gets a real party and it being outside the house makes it simpler for hubby to avoid.

    I get a sense yes going to come around soon enough! Hang in there and keep posting!😀

  • Tenacious

    Welcome to the forum and thank you for expressing your current situation.

    Definitely take it slow and choose your words carefully. While your husband may be sort of inactive he seems to still fully believe it. If you push too hard he may go full zealous witness on you and that would probably be disastrous.

    Show him little things here and there and ASK for an opinion but don't push it. Just take it slow and if he seems uncomfortable with something you show him just let him be. Even though he may show this he may be mulling it over in his mind.

    Wish you the very best! God bless.

  • Incognito


    Just because a JW doesn't attend meetings, does not mean they don't continue to believe. Some, may not attend for decades and may even live their life in complete opposition to JW requirements including smoking or fornication, but if anyone says anything against JWs or their beliefs, they will fight tooth and nail to defend the religion. Pointing out the person's deficiencies may then cause them to return to the religion, often more obsessively than they would be at anything else.

    Instead of presenting information to try to convince your husband, which he will potentially make excuses, defend and discard, perhaps present an occasional question for him to ponder, which may cause him to do his own research.

    While you mention you are impatient, that is because you have already been awakened, but to wake him, is not about you.

    Regarding your son's B'day, maybe don't call it that. It could be 'Johnny's Special Day' or the observance of his birth anniversary. Better still if celebrated on another day than the actual. With JWs, many things are about technicalities so best if trigger words and dates are not used as that will sometimes lessen their defences.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Welcome to our group of misfits!

    You cannot wake up another person. They have to have their own awakening.

    After I had awakened, I did help my wife to exit by asking her sincere questions on the issues that had been troubling me (and that led me to TTATT). That forced her to try to resolve them on her own and led her "out the door" (of the Kingdumb Hall) as well.

    Baby Steps. Don't push.

    Good luck!



  • OnTheWayOut
    I almost said "then how come you aren't going to meetings then". But I didn't ! I am reading Steve Hassans book and I understand about cognitive dissonance.

    I left the JW's by fading away, but my wife remains active. I often want to point out hypocrisy where the wife is a weak witness, but it would only make her try harder to show me that the weakness was a mistake, and then she would overcome it. I don't want to make her a better witness by pointing out that she is not a good witness.

    Otherwise, I fully agree with john.prestor on page 1. Enjoy your child's birthday. Don't wait it out entirely for the sake of your husband, let the children start enjoying things properly, but do it in a way that will help your husband see what joy you had.

  • HappyBlessedFree

    Wow! Thank you all for your amazing words of wisdom, and your warm welcome. I am so glad to be here and feel a little less alone now. 😌

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