Newly Free, Need Advice

by HappyBlessedFree 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • HappyBlessedFree


    I stopped attending meetings about three months ago. After researching everything I could find on Jehovahs Witnesses (which is a lot) I can happily say I am awake and free. I was a baptized witness for over 25 year. I was raised as a Catholic and after dating someone who was raised as a witness I started studying and after studying for 3 years was baptized at 21 years old.

    It has been such a hard journey. I would describe it as having my insides ripped out (sorry for being graphic). I'm sure many of you can relate. My husband is at a strange point in his journey. I would say for the last ten years I have been the one dragging him to meetings and out in service. Now that I stopped going, he has too, which I thought would start his process of waking up, but it hasn't. Although he hasn't gone to a meeting for three month, and we have had many many conversations about everything from all the failed end of days dates to the pedophile lawsuits. Basically everything on Jwfacts he still said a few days ago that I have allowed myself to be mislead.

    He was also not raised as a witness and has been baptized over 25 years. We have been married 17 years. I am trying to improve out marriage just because I want to but also because I want to help him wake up. None of his family are witnesses and I have asked him questions like "Are you okay with Jehovah killing your Mom and sister etc at Armaggedon? I have tried to show him the lies about 1914 and what old watchtowers said about it compared to what the GB says about it today. He has an excuse for everything I show him. I almost said "then how come you aren't going to meetings then". But I didn't ! I am reading Steve Hassans book and I understand about cognitive dissonance. So will it just take time? Anyone have suggestions on what else to ask him?

    I also have 3 young kids and my sons Birthday is coming up soon, which I asked my husband "how would you feel about having a party for him." I know its too soon and I would have held off on this but I also need to let my children live a normal life and heal from everything. He said "if you do anything I won't be apart of it". I was glad he didn't oppose it altogether. I'm hoping on the day of the party he will just stay and remember what is was like when he was little and had a Birthday.

  • cofty

    Hi welcome to the forum and congratulations on waking up. Please be patient with hubby. Breaking free isn't only about facts, its also about the huge emotional attachment and investment in time and energy. The heart takes time to catch up with the head.

    Be understanding and enjoy your freedom. Hopefully he will just take a bit longer than you to get there. Be careful about saying things that will just make him defensive. Freedom for your children is the greatest reason to persevere.

  • john.prestor
    Take the opportunity to celebrate their birthday with them, just the two of you, at home or wherever they want to go, a restaurant, a park, anything that makes them feel alive and important to you. When your husband sees how happy they are, that's gonna make a difference. Theology is mental: happiness is visceral. And the fact that he's not fighting you over celebrating says something about his character. Leave the failed predictions aside for now and focus, like you're doing, on connecting with him emotionally. You got this.
  • HappyBlessedFree

    Thank you Cofty and John for your loving advice. I am just so impatient to be completely free and I won't fell that way until my "other half" is mentally and emotionally out.

  • zeb

    keep the part low key. All my love to you. and you are blessed with a man who is not rabid about the t.

  • Ding


    I agree with Cofty on this.

    Beware of pushing too hard.

    Often -- even with wavering ones -- the more you criticize the WT, the more they will defend it.

    Let him process things at his own pace.

  • Tameria2001

    For everyone who wakes up, there is a certain moment, or incident that causes everything to click. There is nothing one person can do or say that will cause this, at least at that moment. You know where he stands at the moment, don't push the matter, because that could backfire. Most importantly live life, and allow your children to experience a normal childhood. Every child is different in what they want to do in life. Some would be sports, electronics, education, or a whole slew of other things.

    My case was different than yours, my husband and I were both brought up in the JW world when we were four years of age. My husband was first in realizing what the JWs really are, while I still was mentally and physically in. He waited on me, and I had that moment of clarity that caused me to realize it as well. He never tried to prove to me that the Watchtower was wrong, and even if he tried I would not have believed him. But when I did finally have that moment, it was like a ton of bricks fell on me.

    Earlier when I mentioned electronics and education, the electronics I was referring to was video games. When my boys were younger I was very strict on the types of games they were not allowed to play, and that was no M rated games. Anyways what that led to was my boys (2 years apart in age) had developed a very close relationship, and even to this day, they are best friends and have a lot of the same friends (all good kids). Video games ended up causing my youngest to develop an interest in foreign language. In high school, he took 3 years of French, and now in college, he is in his third and final year in Japanese, this is his minor.

  • ohnightdivine
    Dear HappyBlessedFree

    Welcome to the forum! I'm glad that you are free and sound happy.

    Like you, I was also born in a Catholic family, but my family is open-minded when it come to individual beliefs so I took a journey to becoming a witness by myself for many years. I have stopped attending meetings for quite some time now.

    What I'd like to say have been expressed so much more eloquently by Cofty and John so I guess I don't have anything to add... I hope that you, your husband, and your child can all fully experience freedom and happiness away from the org.



  • Xanthippe

    Welcome HBF I understand your desire to make a normal life for your children. I hope if you have a birthday party for your son your husband might join in or at least be okay with it. It will take time so just enjoy life with your children and let him do whatever he wants.

  • smiddy3

    HBF welcome to the forum ,i agree with other members here just back off a bit as far as your hubby is concerned but by all means celebrate your kids birthdays .don`t under any circumstances allow the JW/WT to get their claws into them .

    Your hubby sounds like a typical average JW who has a feel good attitude about the religion and not one based on knowledge or facts .

    What I would call a lazy intellectual belief in the religion .Don`t care too much about doctrine or dogma ,never really look into it ,just happy to hear about a new World where we can pat lions and pandas .

    And worst of all they are happy to let others do their thinking for them , its so much easier .

    My heart goes out to you ,I hope you have success in the long run in getting him out.

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