Sex and Marriage

by nicolaou 27 Replies latest social relationships

  • Darkknight757

    but what about compatibility? It can be a shock to realise she doesn't actually wantyou to wear your Batman outfit!

    Right thats where things get a bit scary. My biggest fear was if she was deformed "down there" or had a penis or something. Guess faith plays a part in that... I didn't ask if she has a dingaling for fear it would start an argument.

    It did take quite some time to figure out what we both like. Still today we try different stuff for fun. Guess most people are like that though.

  • the girl next door
    the girl next door
    Everyone should have at least half a dozen lengthy sexual relationships before they even think about marriage. Yes it is that important and it can be that different and enlightening. Otherwise you wake up next to the horse's head in your bed wondering what different is probably like. And when you pull up to a red light and just want to run from the car, that marriage license is going to really screw with you. Add children, multiply by 100.
  • nicolaou
    girlnextdoor you clearly have a story to share . . .
  • the girl next door
    the girl next door
    I don't think it is a unique story, much more so in a community where we got married to have sex. I'm just not bashful when it comes to talking about it. And my feelings don't get hurt when others are put off by it. We come from a puritan religion in a puritan nation(specifically the US) and morals, sexuality and marriage are all highly bastardized.
  • jonahstourguide

    Well. my two bobs worth. At age 19 and a regular pioneer, I was told to get married

    (elders prayerful advice) as it would solve my "self abuse" problem and my penchant for the opposite sex.

    I did , as per stan livedeath. 14 years on, didn't solve either. Fortunately had no children.

    I'm now a happy single male of the species.

    And yess indeed @ 'the girl next door' Affirmative to the nth degree.


  • FayeDunaway

    Have my views changed? Absolutely. I do feel it's better if you at least think you love someone before having sex with them. But I've come to believe that the sex rules in the Bible were put there primarily to protect the family unit (avoidance of children born outside of a family unit) and the growth of the nation of Israel (masturbation law...if that's really even in the Bible. Something about wasting seed....) Now with (finally) reliable birth control methods, the whole no premarital sex thing is way overdone. Actually in the Bible it's not even as strict as in fundamentalist Christian cultures. I think a lot of that stems from the Victorian era...tho I haven't researched the subject in depth.

    Honestly tho even when I was a witness I was never particularly uptight on the subject, and viewed sexuality as normal, not dirty, and perfectly natural once you are past puberty. I Think I've always looked at things from a biological lens. Still tried to follow the cultural rules to avoid guilt etc.

    Regarding adultery, I do have empathy for the subjects. Life is complicated and often messy. I can't imagine being capable of having sex with someone else while married, but I can empathize with human weakness and maybe the loneliness it takes to get to that point.

    Regarding gay sex...I used to think male gay sex was gross, female not so much (we are speaking honestly here...I'm not trying to be politically correct.) Now I think if that's what people desire then that's what's natural for them. Why should I think about other people's sex lives and what they do in private. As someone I knew once said 'i wouldnt come poop in your kitchen, you don't come poop in mine'....although thats more vulgar than I usually like to speak, I think about that saying often. Why don't we just leave each other's personal lives the heck alone.

  • TD

    Let's not turn this into another religion bashing thread (too easy), I was wondering how much of that pre-packaged thinking you still hold to?

    I'm going to make a preemptive comment here...

    I've noticed a tendency on ex-JW forums (Especially on Reddit) to lampoon the concept of "marital due" as a trapping of "patriarchy", "privilege" and "entitlement."

    The concept doesn't strike me as even remotely gender specific and when you get right down to it, is simply Ethics 101, Week 1.

    Via the vow of fidelity, our spouse has placed an important human need in our hands and to turn our backs on them simply because they're getting older (or whatever other rationalization we can come up with) would be an extraordinary demonstration of bad faith.

    I know it's not romantic to put it in quasi-legal terms, but there it is.

  • the girl next door
    the girl next door

    But that should come naturally and not perpetuated or enforced by a piece of paper or religious pressure. Too many stay in horribly destructive relationships to appease both. Despite the fact divorce rate is 50%.

  • Ucantnome

    I think its best to be in love when you get married not so great if your not.

  • TD

    Too many stay in horribly destructive relationships to appease both. Despite the fact divorce rate is 50%.

    I agree wholeheartedly with this. The JW notion that physical infidelity is the only legitimate grounds for divorce traps men and women both in loveless relationships and there's not much they can do about it without suffering a whole lot of collateral damage.

    Cheating is not the only ethical breach in marriage.

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