Looking for a bit of advice in a difficult situation

by Oversteer 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Oversteer

    Thanks for the replies everyone.

    First things first I will wait for the results of the tests and go from there.

    Even just getting testing done is proving a challenge. Normally the team doing the surgery would order the tests to be done, however because my sibling is looking at doing it overseas, I got sent to a doctor here with a list of things I have to ask to have tested. I was met with some baffled looks. Oh and CT scans etc are not covered either since we are requesting it ourselves. A quagmire indeed.

    A little more information: During my conversations with my sibling I feel I gave quite a bit of food for thought. I brought up the society's stance on transplants in the past firstly. He(I'll just call this person he from now on) had never heard about this before so didn't believe it was true. Then I was asked "where I got the information? From the internet? Because that's apostate!" I said no look it up in the bound volumes. So he looked it up, and saw for himself. He said "well back then transplants weren't done successfully so it was actually for our own good." I said "is that reasoning they gave? No it wasn't. It was considered cannibalism. They said god did not permit it."

    I then relayed Jesus words about wanting mercy not sacrifice. I made an illustration about putting more value in the symbol than what it symbolizes. He wears a wedding ring. I said "what does that symbolize? Marriage, would you agree?" "Yes" he replied. Then I said "what's more important, your wedding ring or your marriage? Would it make sense to sacrifice your marriage to save your wedding ring?" He had no reply.

    I brought up the absurdity of blood fractions. I brought up 1975. The child molestation cases, the generation that would not pass away. Eerything I could think of to show that this is a religion that gives absolutely no reason for us to put our trust in it, especially when it comes to medical matters. His reply to all of this was that "There is a lot of things that don't make sense, but at the end of the day, what gods going to care about is whether or not we were faithful to him".

    He is a very intelligent person. But simply will not let reason overcome blind devotion.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    According to Google each day 151,600 people die each day.

    Death is a natural conclusion of life.

    Your troublesome sibling ought to meditate that soon it will be their turn.

    It is foolish to risk your life for nothing -- and you WILL be risking your life -- do you think that everyone survives donor surgery?

    You cannot save the world, and you cannot save those too dumb to want saving.

    My condolences.

  • notsurewheretogo

    It's exactly these situations that I use to my still-in wife...thank you for posting albeit very difficult circumstances for the OP.

    But given the GB have come out and said they can be wrong then the above example shows it is utterly futile and stupid to make a decision that may cost you your life IF the information you base that decision on can be wrong.

    This is the point I make with my still-in family.

  • dothemath

    Can't imagine going through all of that, hope you don't get black-listed for just trying to do the right thing.

    Its very clear to me you are the one acting in the most "Christian" manner.

  • scratchme1010

    So I decided to back away from this argument until it has been determined I am even a compatible donor or not. Now my dilemma is: if the results come back that I am a compatible donor what do I do? Out myself and get DF'd, or back away from the situation and let another JW family member do the surgery?

    I'm so sorry that you're going through that, makes me hate the WT a lot more to hear that lives, literally, are on the line hear thanks to their nonsense.

    But this is about you. My thoughts are these: You are being a good, excellent relative. Even people with no problem at all with the blood transfusion sometimes refuse to be a donor. That matters a lot.

    I think that in this instance, you made your sibling aware that this is the position you are holding, that you are more than happy to be of help and a donor if you are a match. Your sibling already knows that. It's his/her choice that has been made available to him/her.

    I feel that once your sibling knows that there is a choice available, you can drop the topic and continue your plan staying a JW/not staying a JW as per your original plan. I imagine that your sibling is an adult, as such (s)he knows and has the right to make the choice (s)he decides regarding treatment for him/her.

    I think all you can do is reiterate the choice that your sibling has, but ultimately it's on your sibling to make the final decision. As heartbreaking as it is, ultimately when an adult makes a decision regarding medical treatment, it has to be respected.

    The tricky part is if staying a JW in good standing and still your sibling knowing that the choice of you being the donor is still available. It's not impossible if you play your cards right, but it's difficult.

    It's a very unfortunate situation. I hope my thoughts help.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Hey Oversteer,

    I don't have any advice to offer other than what has already been said. In terms of how you've handled this so far, it sounds like you and I are thinking along the same lines.

    I just want to say how much I admire your generosity and no matter what the outcome is, you did the right thing. In terms of the "big picture" there's got to be good things in store for folks like you.

  • OnTheWayOut

    Any updates?

  • Landy

    You should find out your compatibility first. Then you can offer your transplant. I would not discuss your medical plans with your sibling and only with the doctor. If you are a match and the recipient chooses blood free surgery perhaps you, if you are the donor, could choose surgery without that restriction. In the USA confidentiality laws limit what can be told to anyone so you could keep your decision confidential.

    The correct answer. Your medical procedures are between you and your doctor, nothing to do with your family.

  • Simon
    You should not be risking your life for a person that does not value theirs in the same way that you value yours.


    What is the point risking your life (and serious impact to it, even if you don't die) for someone who refuses to do all they can to ensure the success of your sacrifice?

    It makes no sense IMO.

    In terms of the "big picture" there's got to be good things in store for folks like you

    I disagree with the idea that there is any form of cosmic karma ... you get nothing for being overgenerous and compassionate, it is it's own reward but that's it.

  • Giordano

    I went through this with my sister. She had surgery to remove tumors except they couldn't finish the surgery because of the blood issue. The tumors came back and she died from cancer.

    She was considered a hero in her congregation....... she left with her reputation firmly fixed. Just about the closest thing the JW's had as a Saint.

    A heart broken husband and young daughter and me.......... the apostate........ were left to wonder why.

Share this