For me it was difficult to point to a trigger so for a while it was hard to relate one with the other, which made it scary. I slowly began to realize that anything that was emotional, wether excitement about something good or anxiety about something bad, would eventually lead to the same physical manifestations. I could be laying down in my couch watching a comedy and laughing my butt off. Clear minded and all and then all of a sudden it would come.
Has waking up ever made you physically ill?
Yes very definitely. I have had serious problem with my health. Being an elder with full time work on day, having 6 children to raise and a lot of feeling quilt, for not reaching average preaching hours and trying to fulfill all my duties. And starting to fade and knowing TTATT, put me into to a depression crisis, hi blood pressure and finally 4 hart strokes. Could have been ended up in death… Fortunately my doctors understood my situation , They recommended me to quit everything and that was the best that could have happened to me…… The cong. understood that I was no longer available due to my hearth disease, and leaved me alone….I finally, I had the time to start to investigate very carefully the core of religion and specific cult religion as JW:ism, Scientology, LDS, and other, Knowledge is the very realize, to deliberate you and make you feel like a real human. The only thing a feel sorry for are all the “friends” that are still in…..
Anxiety problems, it came down big time. The more I began to learn the truth about the truth the more agitated I became. It literally sent my head and world spinning. Thank you WT!!!!!!
When I first realized it was not the truth I felt shock. The first month I walked around in a daze. The more I learned I felt anger. All the years gone. Opportunities lost. Friends gone. Important developmental opportunities missed. Learning from scratch how to live in the world.
It can be scary when the foundation of one's belief system is cracked. What to believe in? How to go forward.
Definite stress in the transition. Change is always stressful. And this was one BIG change. Once I got through it -doing research- it got easier. Alot easier.
There are still minor emotional moments. Like when I spotted the JW cart at a craft fair this month. All I can think now is what a waste of their time and I'm so glad I'm not standing by a cart today.
To me this clearly demonstrates that we are victims. I get a bit agitated by some people out there who think we got what we deserved. Whether they think we are dumb or that we always had a choice to do the right thing but we choose not to. Your reality is radically changed when you are a JW and so you always feel you are doing the right thing, which now looking back makes you wonder... what was I thinking about?. Steven Hassan very clearly describes it in his book. Cult members did not change. They do not turn good or bad for that matter. Their will is not under control, rather the enviromment under which the will is exercised has changed and therefore they do things that are logical to outsiders but sounds very logical to them.
Not myself for I could see through this pretentious lying commercialized fraud being conducted by this religoius publishing house.
I wasn't going to be a willing supporter or participate in it because of that.
" The Truth" spoke to me so I left .
Thanks for your replies everyone.
Ive been awake to TTATT for about 9 months now.
I got glued to this forum and the exjw Reddit sub ... Started doing loads of research, started picking apart every meeting item in my mind.
I then found myself becoming depressed - I went through a couple of weeks where I just didn't want to do anything, everything was a struggle work, socialising etc...
I guessed it was because I was reading so much on the forums - and battling with my own mind that I felt depressed so I decided to stop reading the forums and just live with the fact that it isn't the truth but get on with it because of family etc...
Now a few weeks later I'm suffering from some strange symptoms (I can't give too much away on here at the moment) - my doctor can't find anything wrong with me... But I think it's down to subconscious anxiety because of knowing TTATT but trying to carry on as normal.
I realise that in the long run I would be better off if I just "came clean" to family and explained to them how I feel about things... But that would open up the biggest can of worms ever! :(
Any tips would be really appreciated.
Yes, doing mental gymnastics trying to reconcile conflicting thoughts takes its toll.
Yes, my wife kept getting sick, one thing after the other. She eventually got out of it, but it lasted about a whole year.
In the beginning I was elated to find out the real "truth". Then I got really mad followed by a period of depression when I thought of all that I had missed out.
I would say that everyone that comes out of watchtower will experience a period of emotional upheaval. I compare it to the stages of mourning: denial, anger, depression and eventually acceptance.