Today was a hard day for me. I have been 'allowed' to have contact with my family because of my dad's deteriorating condition. He was diagnosed 2 years ago with brain tumors. I have played a central role in his care as well as my mom's. I am one of five children who are all grown, married w/ kids of our own. I have only one sibling who is not a jw. He is a "fence sitter" so, he is prey to them for conversion. He is able to handle them for the most part by warning them to stop the preaching or else he will rebel. Come to think of it, that's a good one...
I, on the other hand am the one who flatly regects the false teachings of the wt and am a dreaded 'so-called' Christian. I am the one who had the husband who would have died unless he had twenty three red cell transfusions. I am the one who was "tricked by Satan" to believe that mercy is Godly and sacrifice was Christ's alone. Needless to say, I make their blood curl.
My dad has been taken off of all treatments,. Long story and very painful.... We don't know how long he will live. My dad is the only family member that never completly shunned me and my husband and kids. He was not happy that I was not a jw but he coped. He loved me and told me in confidence that my husband is his favorite son-in law. We have always had a strong connection to one another despite differing beliefs. He would visit us on occasion with a package in hand of his homemade pasta fagiolo or lentil soup. His visit was always brief despite my pleadings for him to stay but atleast he did what he did. My mom and other siblings would never even return a phone call from me. I had a baby at the time and they never knew him.
Since my dad's diagnosis that horrible day 2 years ago I have been priveledged to be considered family again. Some tension was there but I was accepted as someone who loves daddy too. I've been blessed to be able to help my parents in every way conceivable. My mom actually thanked me one day. I told her that it was my pleasure to assist and that I loved her. My siblings...well, they took a while and I have had to bite my tongue on several occasions..lol. I have only given them love which wasn't hard because I do love them. They eventually saw that but I think that it angered them because they wanted to find a way to make me just vanish off the face of the earth. My dad's tumors have changed his personality...he is no longer a jw in his thoughts. He is just an elderly dying man who loves his family. He makes my heart leap with joy when I come to see him because the smile that he offers me is unlike any other.
My mom had decided to move when my sister and husband have a new house built. She wants to have a large in-laws quarters built on to their house. My dad doesn't want to move. That doesn't matter to my mom or sister. I have expressed my concern about the timing of such a move because my dad may not be here in a few months. My mom has decided to spend her final days with him busying herself with builders and realtors, instead of with my dad. My dad literally cried to me last week and said that he did not want to move. He also confided in my husband and other bro-in-law and other sister and one grandson. We have all told my mom this but it just doesn't matter to her. Some of us see this as what could very well be his dying wish being ignored. So painful.
Today, my sister informed me that my brother (the fence sitter) was not a servant of Jehovah and therefore was pretty much an irrelevant being. I did not hold my tongue today....I told her that I felt she was judging him and told her to hold her tongue. Well, she blasted me with everything from the trinity to heaven to flags and birthdays and every other thing that they hate. It was bad. I was in no mood for it. I yelled, she yelled....you know how it goes. She loudly informed me that prayers are not heard unless they are directed to Jehovah because using "Father" can't be trusted because after all....satan is the father of lies...and that God is no good because satan is the god of this world and Lord is unacceptable because.....well, it just is! I let her finish her ramblings and asked her if she believed that Jesus' prayers were not heard when He used "Father".......she changed the subject....I asked her if Lord was so awful why did Jesus use that as well?....she denied such a thing! I summed up what she said by asking her a question. " So, you are saying that if a person prays to "Father" or "Lord" or "God" then their prayers are ignored because they didn't use the tetragrammaton which noone is really sure how to pronounce correctly anyway? She then informed me that I twisted her words and that she never said that. I asked her just what she meant exactly. (knowing full well all along) She said that my brother and I are not Jehovah's servants and that I have been tricked into leaving the jw's by satan because my husband needed blood. I reminded her that I left the teachings long before the accident. She hung up on me. She hates me again. I am sure that I along with my husband and children will be shunned again once our "family business" has died. My pop, may you always know my love and it will not die with you..While I am free in Christ...I still ache for love from my jw family who have hearts of stone and ice for blood. I have to learn to let go and accept the pain of shunning again. This time though, I am sure as sure can ever be....that if my papa knew all that has gone on in the past two years within his family, he would regret not staying longer when he visited us with his pasta fagiolo or lentil soup. thanks for this place...love, dj