"Get Over It!"

by The Bethelite 19 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  The Bethelite

  This is what my children tell me... get over the whole Jehovah's Witness thing!

  Yes, they tell me they have gotten over the whole thing and they tell me that and I need to also. My exgirl friend who was raised as a JW also has said the same thing.

  My children say they got over it, however they are quick to point out how messed up their lives are now because of no college education and other missed opportunities. Of course it has effected them and I don't believe they have gotten over it. They just don't want to relive it.

  OK, I get it. However I think we are here to help others too.

  So maybe there is a fine line between obsessing over what the JWs did/took from you and moving pass it all and just trying to help others escape the Borg.
  

  Hundreds of people have read my book. Yet the two people I care about the most in the world (my children) haven't. They say, I wrote the book to say look at me poor me and they don't want to relive those years. I sure they will read it one day.
  

  That was never my intention. The book is dedicated to the thousands of people that have taken their own lives because they couldn't live in the Jehovah's Witness hell that their world had become.

  Anyway just feeling bad and just needed a place to vent.

  I wish all of you the best and happiest holidays this year!
• 

  iwantoutnow

  Hmm - exactly how do I get over losing 48+ years of my life?
• 

  steve2

  Our kids can be our harshest critics and appreciate the least what we have done. You can always hold out the silent hope that one day they will realize if you could just get over it, you would have by now. Anyway, there could be a grain of truth in what they say - but even if there is, getting over something is not a matter of willing it to happen.

  My loved ones have occasionally said variations on "get over it" to me but I also have a good sense of my own situation and realize not everyone - even from the vantage of being an exJW - feels the same way as me.

  All I can recommend is you graciously thank them for their feedback but also acknowledge to yourself that we are all individuals who have been affected in different ways by our connection to the organization. My view is the more devastating impacts we have witnessed and observed in the organization, the harder it is to "get over it". But over time, we might manage better our expectations of others (drop the wish that they will read your book) and respond in healthier ways to your own pain and suffering.
• 

  Diogenesister

  The Bethelite.

  Ive read your work and your posts and I know the suicides have deeply affected you. Traumatised you more than anything. Have you ever thought of working for the Samaritans or another suicide hotline? A dear, dear friend of mine took his own life 4 years ago next June. I will never get over it.

  Im completely with you on this. If you did get over it you would be in humane imho. Do your kids speak to their mother? If not they may be more damaged than they think.
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  Get over it?

  I don't think that will ever really happen completely. My wife have discussed numerous times all the things we postponed thinking we would have plenty of time to do "all that" later. For now, we needed to be pursuing Kingdom Interests first in our lives.We needed to do more, and more, and more for Joe Hoover.
  

  Fast forward and now we are getting old and I no longer believe there is any "later time" for us to make up for all the things we have missed out on. WT stole the best years of our lives. While we are doing our best to make up for lost time, there is really no way to regain what we sacrificed for all those false promises.

  
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  Biahi

  My husband (raised catholic) tells me the same thing. It’s not that easy.
• 

  punkofnice

  We are all different in so many ways.

  There is no 'one size fits all' answer to this.

  Anyone that thinks that there is has got a lorra-lot to learn.
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  Gayle

  If someone stole from you, say maybe $1000, you get over it. If someone made you make a jump and you fell and got a broken arm, you get over it. However, if a thief stole your (and uncountable others) house and life savings and this person is responsible for the death of uncountable lives AND yet this thief unfazed runs freely throughout the world to continue with their fraud and cost of uncountable lives, I will not get over it!

  However, we must try, to develop ourselves with positives for our health, and a joy to share with our loved ones. I, too, have had to make an effort to not discuss anything about this "thief" with a family member who was once a JW.
• 

  Giordano

  I got over it as soon as my wife and I, in our early 20's moved away from the small community I served in........ one of those places that was in need of a pioneer and public speaker..... etc. And someone that could serve in a variety of positions.

  After reading Eric Hoppers book The True Believer at age 16-17 I had no respect for the Society as every trick they used to build their religion was in Hoffer's book. By the way he never mentioned the JW's or their Corporate overlords. He was writing about larger organizations like the Communists, the Catholic church and the new Christy Christians and cults that were starting to capture attention. You read Hoffer you learn every trick these blindsided corporate structures used.

  I did like the friends as my wife and I were raised in the religion from our early teens .

  In that day 1963 , 64, 65, you could just leave and no one had to shun you......... in particular close family. However we understood that the close friends we had grown up with would no longer be close friends. So while you could maintain close family relationships the friendships fell away.

  Oddly enough we relocated to Fort Lauderdale Fla. and joined up with a bunch of ex JW friends who used to be pioneers and JW bystanders. So looking back we had an easier road to follow then many. We kind of helped one another to normalize and enjoy life. We went camping together, Rock Concerts, drank together and smoked pot though neither my wife and I liked pot.

  No drugs........ I specialized in drinking brown liquor. Though now in my old age I stay with clear liquor.

  How I landed on this forum some 9 years ago was I went online to find out how many JW's there were in the world............. that question led me to forums and I was able to understand everything Ex JW's or leaving JW's were talking about.

  It was like I found my lost tribe!
• 

  Slidin Fast

  I started to try and respond to this last night, you deserve encouragement so here goes.

  There is a route through it. Of course, living in the past, obsessing over it and having no other interest or motivation in life is not healthy. The life lived, the sum of our experiences however is who we are. We can't pretend it didn't happen or didn't affect us.

  Somewhere, there is healthy and a positive outlook on life. I think that your kids recognise that and are trying to help you look forward a little. I read your book, I think it will help all who read it but try to look forward and build something for yourself now.

  So, you don't have to get over it, but you can get on with it. We all know the selfish bastards suck the life out of people, now is the time to be a little selfish and look after yourself.

  The first thing people who go and serve in refugee camps learn is that they don’t give their sustenance to others even though they may be starving, what good are you to others if you succumb yourself. You have written painful accounts of your own experiences, they helped me, and I am sure, others. So, it is not selfish to look after your own mental strength. Try to understand how you have helped others by looking back but now you need to look forward.