Do you feel that you are really YOU?
One thing that happens when you realize you've been lied and defrauded by the likes of corrupt charlatans running the Watchtower Corporation is that you continue take on a measure of scrutiny to all information and drive to know the real.
The WTS infuses a new personality devised by them as their own appealing sales representatives, which may take a bit of time before it finally wanes itself out your mind set , this is well told about by people who pulled themselves away from the WTS religious cult.
One hot summer's day when I was eleven my father sent us, my mother older brother and myself out into the garden to do a task. He stood watching on the porch. When the useless task was done to his satisfaction he called us in and asked a question related to the task. The correct answer wasn't what he wanted, he wanted the incorrect answer. My mother gave him the incorrect answer he wanted to hear and that was fine. My brother did likewise. I felt a need to lite the fuse by giving the correct answer which he didn't want to hear and like a bomb he exploded and I went flying out of the door on the end of his boot. Sometimes it may be wise to give the answer someone wants to hear but I have had difficulty with that at times. I like to be honest. When I was at home growing up I often gave the answer my father wanted to hear. When I left home I was more me and after leaving the JW maybe.
Good for you Ucantnome. Sorry about your dysfunctional father, but you survived!
I was unequipped for the reality of the cong and much less the world. Symbolically I would go belly up like a dog trying to make peach and got my guts ripped. Don't do that anymore.
I was born in, and in for decades, I never felt I was the real me until a number of years after I had left the religion, perhaps as long as five or six years.
At that point I felt I had expunged every JW influence upon my personality, my conscience, my emotions and of course, my beliefs.
Only then did I feel I was the real me, and I then felt a Happiness I had never experienced in my life before !
Yes, I still had the knowledge of what it meant to be a JW, but it became as if I had never actually been one, just gained that knowledge.
I'm still attending meetings so I'm playing a character. Don't enjoy that, even feel bad when coming back home after the meetings.
When I first woke up, I thought I could fake it even for the rest of my life of necessary. I tried to do so to keep my girlfriend but I couldn't. Then I realised it condemned me to a life of misery and unhappiness.
I'm fading, have a plan to leave the religion but still feel the same and the more meetings I attend, the worst it becomes.
I'm trying to know myself better as every aspect of my personality was modelled by the WT. I hadn't realised before the influence the WT got on my personality, way of life, opinions and decisions.