Cracked under pressure

by breezy 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • breezy

    A big problem i have always had when talking about anything related to JW teachings, is that i get aggravated and frustrated when logical black and white concepts/scriptures are not seen/interpreted in a logical way. It really frustrates me having to hear '' oh no this does not apply here '' in every scripture that i bring to my parents attention. Starting from when i was 16 to about 20, my frustrations would lead to these anger fits. They weren't tantrums, it was built up stress and frustrations of all my questions being brushed off. I'm 22 now, going on 23, and have been controlling these episodes quite well. This came with me being more mature, and being at peace with my conscience and not really listening to any opinions that someone may have about me.

    Earlier this month, i read this article about '' how to have a discussion with your parents on an adult to adult perspective and not as parent-child perspective. I really took it to heart and whenever my parents would become judgmental/insulting, i would end the conversation. When i was younger, i would have probably continued the conversation in an angry tone leading to another one of those anger episodes.

    Well, tonight, after almost 3 years of controlling those emotions, i cracked under pressure and had one of those anger fits. I had just finished having a discussion with my mom a couple hours ago about how everyone is accountable for themselves in the end, and how we should not judge how someone decides to live their life of what decisions they may take, including if someone decides to not attend meetings anymore. She was receptive about what i was saying. Fast forward a couple hours and she brings up shunning and disfellowshipping and she knows thats a subject i hold dear to heart because my uncle is DFed and it pains me to see how the family basically just forgot about him. She shows me 1Cor 5:11-13 and i obviously follow that scripture with Matthew 18:17 and Mark 2:13-17. The entire discussion turned into He Say/She Say and it just wasn't a healthy conversation. The discussion took a turn for the worse when i brought up that my research of 587 vs 607 still hasn't been looked at by my parents and that my questions are not being answered and i felt that i was being brushed off. The discussion got heated and i erupted like a volcano to say the least. I'm not proud of it, i feel ashamed of it and i just don't know what to do anymore. It doesn't take much to sacrifice 30 minutes to read a 3 page document answering their very own questions about 607 vs 587. They waited for my bubble to burst to finally scotch tape back my 3 page document that i ripped from how angry i was. Told them to forget about it because Armageddon would come before they decide to look at it.

    My mom and grandmother visited me at work today and it was the first time meeting my co-workers and bosses. My bosses showered her with compliments of her son, and she was standing all happy and a bit teary because it obviously made her proud. Yet a discussion on religion turns all that around and im painted as the bad guy. She ends the discussion by saying that i'd rather be accepted by my worldly colleagues/boss than the organization yet she was so happy to hear what was being said about me. It just pains me to hear that. I practice unconditional love like no one else in my family and give so much, yet i'm treated like that one person who deviated from the '' truth ''.

    I'm sorry for this poorly written post. I just had to vent and this is the only place i can do that

  • JWdaughter

    The writing is fine. I understand that years of frustration can push ones reactions.

    No religious conversation with JWs is going to be positive,the negatives can be put on back burner but they simmer . Just don't go there.

  • Crazyguy
    In the future you may have to stay on one point. That is your trying to live your life like they way Jesus taught and the fruitages of the spirit whyll your folks and their friends ie the jws live a life of outword appearances and superficial works like meeting attendance, answering questions to a third grade magazine and knocking on empty doors all the while forgetting about love.
  • LostGeneration
    Don't be so hard on yourself, it's all ok from what you described. Conversing with a cultist is like repeatedly smashing your head into a brick wall. I don't do it anymore, I admire those that have the tolerance to do so.
  • Spectre
    Have you looked into maybe taking a critical thinking class? Identifying logical flaws helps. Of course it sounds like it might go over your folks heads but for your own sake it might help.
  • breezy

    I know better. There is no easy way out, there is no easy conversation, there is nothing good in how JWs treat anyone so much so that now we even have to worry about our own friends in the hall. Its so controlling and no active JW sees that. I'm just not gonna bother anymore. Whatever decision i make will be my own doing and i don't have to answer or give an explanation to anyone about what or how i decide to live my life.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    It sounds like you're growing and maturing... thinking and learning. But WT doesn't allow that. They want conformity and obedience.

    And it will be very frustrating for you to try to combat the brain-washing that has been done to your family. Protect your own sanity first.

    Ordinary JWs have been reduced to mindless drones drugged by the never-to-be-fulfilled-promise of eternal youth in a panda-petting paradise.

  • Oubliette

    Breezy, it happens. In the grand scheme of things your blow-up is no big deal.

    The fact is, you are having to suppress your authentic identity and pretend to be someone you're not. This is difficult psychological pressure to have to try and hold inside.

    Keep in mind that your parents are in a high-control, authoritarian cult that ruthlessly discourages critical thinking and individuality. Your parents are also conflicted, they just don't understand it like you do.

    Hang in there, you'll get better at dealing with it. I suggest you apologize to your parents for HOW you acted, but not for anything you said.


  • Dunedain

    My friend, YOU sound like the mature, thinking, and loving Christian, in the situation. You can, usually, never go wrong with applying those qualities. Your getting frustrated, and "losing it", is NORMAL. Remember, YOU are the one who is being JUDGED by them, and you are the one who is not receiving true love from them.

    Unfortunately, your parents are in a cult, that does not allow critical thinking, in fact, critical thinking on ones own, SCARES THEM. Your parents, are most likely, fully indoctrinated, and completely under the WTS brain washing control, and its ashame.

    For what its worth, the toughest part for you, is probably because you live under their roof still. Everyones financial situation is different, and not all can, but i can guarantee that if you were able to move out, things between you guys would get better, hopefully.

    I dealt with a similar situation with my father, when i was in my early 20's. He in many cases, and not just concerning JW/spiritual things, was very judgemental at certain times. He would sometimes, talk down to me, belittle me, and berate me. We would on ocassion, although most of the time i tried to be the "better" person, get into frustrating screaming matches. Eventually, i found that the best course for me, was to just move out, and get my own place. I went on to live my own life, under my own roof, and with my own rules. I went on to become successful in business, and have my own family, and children.

    After moving out, and paving my own way, my father tremendously "softened" his attitude towards me. I cant speak for what for him the catalyst was. I dont know if it was guilt, or becoming, eventually, proud of me, or just realising the error in his ways, but we started having a much better, and more loving relationship with each other. Today we are closer than ever.

    Sometimes, things just take time. Continue to think for yourself, like you are. Do for yourself, and continue doing well at work, and progressing from there. Sometimes parents, simply dont respect their childrens "wisdom", until they get older, and maybe realize, that their children WERE wise all along, and ahead of their years. I have a feeling, this may be whats going on in your case. Try to give things time, and continue to flourish, and do well for yourself, and things WILL fall into place.

  • LisaRose

    It's understandable that you are frustrated, but It might help if you can think of it in a different way. Your parents might not have read your research because they are brushing you off, they may just be scared that you are right and they are not ready to accept that right now.A cult member will do a lot of things to avoid uncomfortable truths.

    Apologize to you parents, and accept and love them as they are. The fact is they may never wake up, and if they do, it will be in their own time, at their own pace, just as you left when you were ready. Peace comes with acceptance of things as they are, not how we want them to be.

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