A big problem i have always had when talking about anything related to JW teachings, is that i get aggravated and frustrated when logical black and white concepts/scriptures are not seen/interpreted in a logical way. It really frustrates me having to hear '' oh no this does not apply here '' in every scripture that i bring to my parents attention. Starting from when i was 16 to about 20, my frustrations would lead to these anger fits. They weren't tantrums, it was built up stress and frustrations of all my questions being brushed off. I'm 22 now, going on 23, and have been controlling these episodes quite well. This came with me being more mature, and being at peace with my conscience and not really listening to any opinions that someone may have about me.
Earlier this month, i read this article about '' how to have a discussion with your parents on an adult to adult perspective and not as parent-child perspective. I really took it to heart and whenever my parents would become judgmental/insulting, i would end the conversation. When i was younger, i would have probably continued the conversation in an angry tone leading to another one of those anger episodes.
Well, tonight, after almost 3 years of controlling those emotions, i cracked under pressure and had one of those anger fits. I had just finished having a discussion with my mom a couple hours ago about how everyone is accountable for themselves in the end, and how we should not judge how someone decides to live their life of what decisions they may take, including if someone decides to not attend meetings anymore. She was receptive about what i was saying. Fast forward a couple hours and she brings up shunning and disfellowshipping and she knows thats a subject i hold dear to heart because my uncle is DFed and it pains me to see how the family basically just forgot about him. She shows me 1Cor 5:11-13 and i obviously follow that scripture with Matthew 18:17 and Mark 2:13-17. The entire discussion turned into He Say/She Say and it just wasn't a healthy conversation. The discussion took a turn for the worse when i brought up that my research of 587 vs 607 still hasn't been looked at by my parents and that my questions are not being answered and i felt that i was being brushed off. The discussion got heated and i erupted like a volcano to say the least. I'm not proud of it, i feel ashamed of it and i just don't know what to do anymore. It doesn't take much to sacrifice 30 minutes to read a 3 page document answering their very own questions about 607 vs 587. They waited for my bubble to burst to finally scotch tape back my 3 page document that i ripped from how angry i was. Told them to forget about it because Armageddon would come before they decide to look at it.
My mom and grandmother visited me at work today and it was the first time meeting my co-workers and bosses. My bosses showered her with compliments of her son, and she was standing all happy and a bit teary because it obviously made her proud. Yet a discussion on religion turns all that around and im painted as the bad guy. She ends the discussion by saying that i'd rather be accepted by my worldly colleagues/boss than the organization yet she was so happy to hear what was being said about me. It just pains me to hear that. I practice unconditional love like no one else in my family and give so much, yet i'm treated like that one person who deviated from the '' truth ''.
I'm sorry for this poorly written post. I just had to vent and this is the only place i can do that