what era do you feel like your starting out from?

by sowhatnow 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • sowhatnow

    Anyone else feel like they were just woke up from a long coma? or emerged from a time capsule?

    I mean seriously, its rather creepy and disturbing , some of us are at sea without a compass .

    like an orphan, like someone said, , heres a birth certificate go find yourself.

    My brain tells me Im still in 1980’s era. Im 20 again.

    in the 80's my daughter was in grade school, and that's when my [not jw turned jw] husband and i got baptized and really started to slave. [ he gave up after 8 years, I just gave up four years ago,] then my son born in 88, so the 90s kept me busy.
    so, music, shows, that I never heard, reading news stories about events and political issues that happened.

    so Im like, omg where was I when THAT happened? lol

    I feel so lost,lol,
    [where is my husband now when i needed him most, out of he picture. damn him.]

    I don't know what to do with it ,lol

  • Driving Force
    Driving Force

    I feel the same way to some extent.

    Being a JW I missed out on a lot, and I wish I could go back to the eighties and live those years again until now. Whatever happened in the world was all part of the sign, and not really important, the real life was to come. And that is how I lived, never really concerned myself with what was happening in the world, politically wise, and technologically wise. Now I am struggling to make up the time lost and hopefully will be able to retire with a reasonable pension. Have 10 years to do that.

  • MarkofCane

    Coming out of a coma is a good analogy. I sometime need to stop and figure out who, I really am and not just remnants of my cult personality coming through. Its like learning how to be a person again, how to be part of a wonderful global community. How to feel empathy for people and not chuck it up to Jehovah will take care of everything. I still tend to judge things for what I perceive them to be and not what they really are.Working on that!

    Its like waking up 40 years into the future, your life is gone, In a "blink of an Eye".

  • Deleteandrestart

    That lost feeling is endemic with former witnesses,

    when you leave you lose your whole support system and you also can lose your direction since every waking moment was angled towards the org , and when it's gone all that you had is gone too in one big catastrophe.... And your left alone and bereft not knowing where to turn, a novice in this world because you ignored it for so long..... We are all suffering the same I think.

  • tiki
    That is one thing that will always bother me....I won't count childhood, because I didn't have it bad at all....but my 20's and 30's were completely lost...I was frozen...locked into a prison I hated and had no idea how to claw out of...40's still involved but completely detached and fading without really realizing. Life out is fabulous..but I have serious regrets about having lost the healthiest most potential part of my life.
  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Anyone else feel like they were just woke up from a long coma? or emerged from a time capsule?

    My boys were little in the late 80's and 90's and keeping food on the table and a roof over their heads kept me busy. There were so many times when after a long day of work, I wanted nothing more than to stay home and enjoy my little boys. Instead we felt obligated to dress them in little suits and ties 3 time a week, head to the Kingdom Hall on a dark wintery night and force them to sit through mind numbing talks about the supposed nearness of the end. Sometimes I'd look at them sitting there in their chairs with glazed looks on their faces and remember my own growing up years as a JW and feel badly for them.

    There's no way to get that time back and there's a lot of catching up to do now and the hard part is, I don't really have quite the same energy and drive that I used to have. It would have been nice to have known what I know now....back when I was on top of my game. I don't know anything about politics. Didn't get to know my neighbors or coworkers all those years. Didn't really learn how to make friends. Friendships just sort of happened after all those years of going to the meetings week after week. I still feel quite elated on Tuesday and Thursday nights when I realize that I don't have to go to "the meeting".

    One nice thing has been watching old movies that I'd missed because they were rated R. and not feeling obligated to explain my beliefs or that I'm representing Jehovah's Witnesses every time I'm faced with a decision or some controversial issue.

  • LisaRose

    It's a very valid comparison. When every decision is made for you and you are not allowed to develop your own personality, make your own mistakes and pursue your own dreams, it keeps you from growing and developing as a person. When every problem has a simplistic solution (pray, study, meetings, service) you don't learn to develop your own problem solving skills. In a way your life was stolen from you.

    You will never get those years back, all you can do is take what lessons you have learned and apply them to the life you have now. As horrible as some of my experiences were, it did ultimately make me a stronger person, and I have used those strengths to build a better life. Just being able to see through the lies get up the courage to leave is an act of remarkable personal growth and a good start on becoming a whole person again.

  • MarkofCane

    Hi LisaRose

    Missed you, good to see you back.

  • Divergent
    I want to be a kid again. A kid who is awake to TTATT instead of the ignorant JW born-in sucker kid that I was!
  • Finkelstein

    I awoke back in the early 1980's when there was so much lying being distributed concerning 1975 by the WTS.

    A returning Bethelite that served at HQ in Brooklyn New York , dropped a hint onto me as well that its just a publishing house, he was an elder too ..........whaaaa ???

    20 years a JWS since birth and this lands in my lap .

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