My family

by lriddle80 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • lriddle80

    Hello! I just wanted to get some feedback. I don't want to go into the whole story, it's too long and it's been told by a lot of people here.

    Anyway, I think I am disfellowshipped or about to be. (which, I am glad about, except for my family who is still in - survivors guilt) I refused the certified letter. Not answering phone calls, etc. My family is shunning me, of course. But my plan is to text my mom regularly, just talking about my life, not about how she should leave that crazy cult, but just as a daughter texting her mom. I am fully aware she won't text back and she hasn't. Do you all think it's a good idea? Have you done anything similar? What were the results? I don't even know what the end game is. I just want to remind her I still exist, I guess. To be a thorn in her side maybe. If she blocks my number, will I be able to tell when texting her? Thanks for your help!!

  • blondie

    Iriddle80, I figure this, just because she doesn't respond doesn't mean she doesn't read your texts. I would talk more about the good things in your life and how much happier you are now. Then share one thought about the WTS and how they go past the meaning of a scripture. Maybe ask a question to get her thinking, don't answer your question though. Let her ponder on that and she might start researching if only to prove to herself you are wrong. That is what started me on the road to leaving, a question that made me start researching.

    I don't know much about cellphones and the blocking feature, if you can tell if people are not reading it or blocking it. Maybe someone else more in tune to that might know.

    In the end, it is your state of mind that matters. How do you feel about doing it and not getting a response. Does it hurt in your heart. I cut off all contact with my jw family and so-called jw friends. Your df status might do that already, but I am not df'd or da'd, just not involved any more. My family were manipulative and emotionally disruptive in my life. I felt like a huge rock had been lifted off me when I finally to make a complete break.

    I had made 2 other attempts to be inactive and went back because I wasn't totally convinced. I finally was after attending a circuit assembly where the things said on the program made it easy to finally stay out. It has been 20 years and I am not sorry I left. It reminds of an illustration of straddling a fence. At first it is not hard when the fence is low about ankle high, but as the fence gets higher and reaches crotch level, it gets to painful, you have to pick a side.

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Do you have to get disfellowshipped? If you ignore them your cong will make the announcement that Irriddlle is no longer one of Js Ws.

    Either way your mother will think you are now dining out with Satan and will probably shun you--so why not show your humanity and family values and email her even if she fails to respond to them? You will at least be able to say what you think and she will not. Crazy cult!

  • Tameria2001

    When it comes to communications with JW parents can be a bit tricky. I officially left the JW in 2001, and my mom did come to visit me to just make sure and why I was leaving. I won't go into the conversation, but the first letter I got from her was extremely hateful. For about the next couple of years, I didn't hear from her. Then one day I needed to get some information from her (not involving religion). That one phone call resulted in the next 5 years in her calling me and writing to me. She would never come to visit, even though I would have loved for her too. Those 5 years were a huge roller coaster involving my emotions. About the time I thought that I would once again be able to have a daughter/mother relationship, she would pull the whole, "Are you coming back to Jehovah's Organization?", stunt on me. I would always reply no, because I don't agree with their teachings, or I would say I won't because Jesus is my Lord and Savior. Then she would get a nasty hateful attitude, and I wouldn't hear from her for a while. After going through this time after time I decided for my mental well being I would have to cut off all contact with that woman, and In 2010 I did.

    Now I'm not saying you will go through this, this is my own personal experience. But what I would say is whatever you do, protect your heart and mind from mental manipulation that JWs are notorious for.

  • ToesUp

    Everybody has to do what is right for THEM. My self personally, if someone does not want me in their life, so be it. I'm out! Shunning is a bullying tactic promoted by the hateful 8. I'm not easily bullied. If someone does not respond to my communication to them, I take it as they don't want to hear from me. Just my 2 cents.

  • lastmanstanding

    Your mother will be told to change her number. You won’t know it has happened until somebody who has your moms old number call you back.

  • lriddle80

    Thanks everyone!!

  • DesirousOfChange
    You don't give a reason for your DF, but if it's over some issue you have with the Org, (Child Abuse, Flip Flops, Overlap Doctrine, etc) you might ask your mother to explain it, and then STFU. Leave it in her lap to explain "the impossible". (Now if it's because you've been running around fornicating, then that method might not have any chance of helping.) Posing the challenge to my mother did make her think about things. NOT that I want her to leave!!! No, at her age, she needs to be with her old friends at the Hall. But it got her to quit being a pain in the....... me. (But I should add that I'm not DF. Just quit going because of issues I could not longer resolve with my own cognitive dissonance. Issues she knows about and cannot justify either.)
  • lriddle80

    The elders know I am celebrating Christmas and going to a church because my mom told them and I admitted it, too, because I am not ashamed. They told me I wouldn't be df'd as long as I repented and I brazenly said I had nothing to repent of since I am not doing anything wrong. The guy actually said that Jehovah will not bless me if I went to another church and I told him that was a lie because I am being blessed daily.

    And at the time of the conversation, I had just finished reading 1984 and was in a crusade kind of emotion and my son was listening. I told them I would come to their judicial committee, but that I would be bringing my own committee. But after talking to my mom about it, I told her I would ignore their phone calls and letter. I watched a few hidden judicial things on YouTube and those brothers didn't care about truth, only following their rule book, so I am not going. Though it's not because I am scared.

    My mom told me i could put in my letter, but I said she is still required to shun me and she said , "oh yeah, that's true" She was trying to find another way, but there isn't one.

    I got to talk to her for almost 2 hours on the phone and we looked up scriptures and spoke at length of Jesus. I told her all my stories of working in ministries, answers to prayer, everything. At the end, I asked her "does it sound like I have a relationship with God"? And she said it did sound like it. She said no matter what happens, she loves me.

    I will text her as long as i feel I want to. Part of me wants to give up, but part of me says don't give up yet.

    Thanks for listening!!

  • lriddle80

    I was faded for about 10 years. My mom shared the website constantly over the last few years. The whole come back to Jehovah rhetoric.

    We had 2 other epic conversations in the past year. 1 about the trinity. Another just about what I believe. Then the last one.

    The problem was my husband felt we should placate my family by going to the memorial every year. He felt it was right and this last one the new head elder talked to me and then my mom told on me and gave him my number.

    I know I should have just told him I had to get off the phone, but I have been dreaming of the day I would go head to head with an elder and like I said I had just finished reading 1984, and my son was listening, so I was feeling like a warrior. I didn't stop to think of my family, I just wanted to be bold for Christ.

    I don't regret it. I am dealing with the consequences, but I believe it makes sense in the story of my life.

    This was inevitable, in my mind.

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