How do you get over all the things that you missed? The stuff you can't get back

by JW_Rogue 39 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    RT, I think your idea of free tuition probably will only apply to Scandinavian lands and then only in their own language. Germany Is probably going to re-introduce fees for non EU members and France does at least have cheap university fees but of course in French.

  • Rainbow_Troll
    Bungi Bill: I do believe you are something of a bloody troll, coming out with remarks like that!

    I like to leave an impression, even if it's a negative one! Anger is usually genuine. Hardly anyone pretends to be angry and even hypocrites feel outrage.

    But I stand by what I said: I know some very talented, well educated people who work at shit jobs. Two of my closest friends were both college educated and they're unemployed and homeless. One is a master artist who's paintings have more color, detail and clarity than most photographs I've seen and the other has a MA in medieval history. And no, they aren't addicted to drugs or mentally ill, they just chose the wrong fields.

    College is fine if you can afford it and choose your major carefully, but it guarantees nothing and could leave you worse off then you were before. But hey, if you would rather regret the past and feel sorry for yourself, go on believing that not going to college ruined your life. I'm a pessimist; but I have found that in the great casino game of life, pessimism is a lot more practical (and, strangely, consoling) than optimism. People like to delude themselves that they are masters of their fate and their hubris is inevitably punished with disappointment and self-reproach. All we can really hope to control are our own thoughts, feelings and actions; everything else is the domain of chance and chaos.

  • Drearyweather
    I'm talking about your first kiss happening in your twenties instead of your teens. Only having one sexual partner your whole life.

    Nope, never missed and wouldn't miss. In my culture, this is a no-no for non-jws too.

    I'm talking about never having planned for college "because that's materialistic."

    Almost no one (including me) from my JW family went to college. But all are doing way better than university graduates. So not sure if anyone is missing college education.

    I'm talking about after finally deciding to go to college turning down jobs because they involved military contractors or research, or even telling potential employers that you couldn't work certain hours because of meetings
    There are many jobs in the corporate world which JW's can accept as compared to those they cannot. I always felt awkward to ask my boss for early leaving for my meetings. But now as a manager myself, I have experienced that people of almost all other religions ask for time off during the week for one reason or the other. So, I was not the unique one.

  • mentalclarity

    So to answer your question of how do you get over it? I have done and am doing all the things I want to do now. I went back to college, I've travelled, etc. Anything that I feel just a tinge of interest, I explore without any guilt. The more I do that, the less I feel I've been cheated.

    I was in my early 30's when I left so I know it's different for others who left much older.

    Rainbow_Troll- actually universities in Europe have different tuition rates for non-EU students. It's much cheaper than the States a lot of times- but it's not free. I think higher education would have made a difference for a lot of JWs here if they went to good Universities- you build a network which will be useful/exposes you to research opportunities/internships in major corporations/study abroad. The sad part is there are many here who would have gotten scholarships to go to schools so I can understand why it's a big regret.

  • ttdtt

    Rainbow_Troll, - give it up man, go to a meeting and leave us alone.

  • StoneWall

    What makes you think we all get over it ?
    Have you ever had a mother,father,brother or sister die and someone says something along the lines of in time you'll get over it.
    No in time you don't get over it., In time the pain eases but never goes away.
    You'll always miss them.
    Same with me being raised a JW. There was/were always things I wanted to do as a youth but never got to. (school sports, dating a couple hot girls in High school that took interest in me but didn't get a chance to because of being a JW etc)
    Now I'm much older those opportunities are gone but not forgotten.
    I now do the things I enjoy and try to experience life to the fullest at my age but still think of what may have been from time to time if i'd learned the truth about "the truth" (TTATT) at a much younger age.
    So here's my advice for what it's worth.
    Next time someone tells you to "just get over it", ball up your fist and punch them as hard as you can in the face and then tell them to just get over it.
    Nothing like driving the point home and if you need to do it a few times instead of just once, remember what we were taught from the platform as a JW....repetition for may have to do it a few times for them to get the point.

  • Xanthippe

    Yeah I get it, when I took my daughter to look at universities I felt a pang wash over me. I could have done this and there were no tuition fees then! Frustrating is putting it mildly.

    The way I cope is by thinking as broadly about life as possible. Try and think globally and historically. So many kids don't get to go to school let alone college because they are dirt poor in a poor country. For millennia poor people were trodden underfoot by the privileged rich. We are by pure accident born in rich countries and we live in a great century.

    As you say your life is not so bad and neither is mine. I would have like a better job and be able to travel more but life is what it is. Probably the hardest thing to live with is that we have done it to ourselves, but we were indoctrinated, many of us from babies. I just try and be grateful for what I have now and move on. It doesn't mean it hasn't hurt badly in the past.

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous

    You can only try to do what you think you missed but you can't go back. Education is important, you can go to college now but experience at our age is more important than college. I work at a University and few kids actually make it through the toughest courses and even fewer I will see again through some publication or any kind of success. Literally out of the 10 years I've worked there now, maybe 5 graduates have stayed in the field and making a contribution to science.

    Sex is great, although young sex is exhilarating it's also pretty bad. I've had many threesomes, foursomes and multiple partners simultaneously after my JW exit, it's quite difficult actually to maintain multiple relationships, not what it's cracked up to be but it's an experience.

    Do what you think makes you happy. Don't pine over the past, just use it as a guideline and warning to the future.

  • lancelink

    I feel your pain partner, but I came to the conclusion that I was going to move forward and do things that I enjoyed.

    for a number of years I actually had trouble enjoying anything, but I cracked that ceiling and was able to move on.

    I heard a saying that really helped me, it's not perfect but hopefully The point comes across :

    " windshields on cars are much larger than the review mirrors because you need to focus on where your going, once in a while glance backwards to see where you came from"

  • DesirousOfChange

    College? Just be grateful you aren't saddled with tens of thousands of dollars in debt! I don't know a single college graduate who doesn't regret their decision to pursue higher education. They all work at low-paying jobs that have nothing to do with the degree they payed so dearly for. ~ Rainbow Troll

    You are obviously running around with the wrong group of college grads (losers). My son received his doctorate and went directly to work (choosing from at least a dozen offers) for a Fortune 500 corp at $135K/annually with a $25K "signing bonus" (which paid 25% of his student loan). Oh, and he only works 26 weeks per year.

    Even a young JW sister in our (old) Cong completed her BSN (nursing) and is earning over $50K, and neither she nor her elder dad received any negative reaction to it as she maintained her regular meeting attendance throughout her years in college.

    Another young JW in our circuit went away on a full scholarship to a state university for 4 years for BS in engineering. Now works for the Gov't here and is earning a very nice income (though less than if working non-Gov't position).

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