How do you get over all the things that you missed? The stuff you can't get back

by JW_Rogue 39 Replies latest jw experiences

  • JW_Rogue

    Look my life is not bad but sometimes I just think about all the normal things I missed out on. And no I'm not talking about Christmas and Birthday parties. I'm talking about your first kiss happening in your twenties instead of your teens. Only having one sexual partner your whole life. I'm talking about never having planned for college "because that's materialistic." I'm talking about after finally deciding to go to college turning down jobs because they involved military contractors or research, or even telling potential employers that you couldn't work certain hours because of meetings. And there is no way to really go back because the time has passed the opportunities aren't there anymore.

  • just fine
    just fine

    All you can do is go forward and accept new opportunities. I can't change the past, but I can make better choices in the future.

  • Iamallcool

    What's done is done!

  • JW_Rogue

    I don't want to be one of those mid-life crisis guys but I do think about those things a lot.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I don't want to be one of those mid-life crisis guys but I do think about those things a lot.

    I only wish I could be one of those "mid-life crisis" guys but I'm too f#cking old for anything "mid-life". Those bastards cheated many of us out of all things that the majority of people just take for granted in life. You CANNOT go back and do it now. It's just too damn late. Make the best of what you have remaining and don't look back!

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    I can't completely agree. I went back to college at 43 and graduated at 47. No, I cannot be 29 - 40 again, but I could be a free 40 - dead person. I am loving it, I am not trying to relive my youth but its great each day I get to remain living carbon. Did try some MJ and a little sex, don't crave it these senior days and that's fine. Fortunately I was inactive from 16 to 29 and sowed my wild oats. Its been a long strange trip.


    How do you get over all the things that you missed? The stuff you can't get back

    Live Well...

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  • Rainbow_Troll

    Well, I got my first kiss/make-out session when I was six; but concerning the other things you mentioned, I don't believe it would have made much of a difference if I were never a JW. I think many ex-JW project this fantasy life of what a non-jw childhood/adolescenthood would be like that bears little resemblance to the reality.

    I remember being upset that I couldn't join the school band (because they did patriotic songs) but, years later, when I heard how terrible they were even after years of practice, I was glad that I didn't join; what a waste of time that would have been!

    Another big issue is sex and dating. Unlike many JW kids I had worldly friends and even most of my JW friends were total hypocrites who led double lives. The first thing you should know is that if you are a girl, your first time with a boy at that age would have been extremely disappointing. Most teen boys don't know the first thing about fucking (some can't even find the right hole). So you didn't miss anything. If your a male, yeah, you missed something, but it wasn't anything that you couldn't enjoy better later down the line. Most teen 'relationships' are so superficial and short lived, they aren't worth the effort involved.

    College? Just be grateful you aren't saddled with tens of thousands of dollars in debt! I don't know a single college graduate who doesn't regret their decision to pursue higher education. They all work at low-paying jobs that have nothing to do with the degree they payed so dearly for. Unless you know what you're doing, have lots of money, lots of connections (social capital) and a good contingency plan, attending college is one of the worst decisions you can make!

    Feel better?

    P.S. I want to make it clear that I'm not against attending college; it's just that most teens entering college have no frelling idea what they are getting themselves into! Go to college, but be smart about it. Choose a major with a plan as to how you are going to use it when you graduate. If possible, travel to Europe where university is free even to foreigners so you won't have to worry about debt.

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    I'm with you JW rogue, I missed out on early sexual experience and higher education. To some degree I did make up for both in my post witness life but the timings were not ideal. I devoured with relish a number of adult courses at universities but frankly it would have been so much more useful to have had the foundational bricks in place at the earliest opportunity. To extend the analogy; it is easier to lay the foundations of a building down at the start rather than the more tricky business of underpinning it later. I'm forced to look back and know that regrets of wasted time don't help the present.

    A couple of months ago I spoke with a leading British philosopher, a polymath, a living library with a phenomenal memory to boot. Whilst not imagining I would be at his level, had my parents directed me to expect success in the world and nurtured my earliest learning, I'm sure I could have enjoyed some worldly success--but I'm not complaining!

    As it was, I thought I knew better than my parents (who were not witnesses) and instead I was prepared to be taught by the brainless operatives of the brainless JW cult that higher education was undesirable, if not downright wrong. I stupidly believed them, it was therefore my fault.

    So we cannot change our past but if we have children, we can give them two things: unconditional love as the first requirement and an expectation of a happy, successful life based on a good education. Higher education can be a ticket out of the depressing social values delivered by both JWs and by poverty-- if it is done with positive goals in mind including financial independence and control over your own life.

  • Bungi Bill
    Bungi Bill


    "I don't know a single college graduate who doesn't regret their decision to pursue higher education."

    Those were the sort of stories the JWs used to try and frighten the likes of me with when I was a teenager (that one and similar - like "you make more money doing unskilled work", "reading Awake for five years is the same as a university degree" etc). All I can say is what you just described has not been either my experience nor my observation.

    Having worked at all levels (i.e. from a labourer up to Engineering Associate) alongside others who were degree qualified, I am under no illusions what I would be doing if I had my time over again:

    - and that would be to start by entering into a Bachelor Course; as against trying to take it up in middle age or older.

    PS: I do believe you are something of a bloody troll, coming out with remarks like that!

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