I was brainwashed to believe you generally shouldn't relax much.
- Demons can enter you if you meditate or even relax your brain too much for one second. Always be on guard.
- Scriptures criticizing laziness were repeated often. https://www.openbible.info/topics/laziness "Be kind to yourself" and all that.
- You need to strenuously exert yourself for jehoopla and you're worthless if you don't.
- Most forms of fun were extinguished. Don't do fun charity work, it shows weak faith in jehoover to solve the problems of the world. Don't like music, it has demonic lyrics and backward masking. Don't dance, it leads to immorality. Only kingdumb smelodies and bible games are worthwhile. blah blah blah
- The purpose of fun is to rest your body so you can get back at that pioneering. That means you need to budget your time for relaxing and limit it.
As irrational as that all is, I still have a hard time totally relaxing. I start to get antsy if I've got little to do for >1 day--on vacations, I need a schedule and need to fill my brain up with interesting things. If I just lay around, I find it hard to concentrate at work, and I want my mental edge.
I am trying to figure out if this is just how I am (authentic self) or if I actually believe I do not deserve to relax too much. I suspect it's a little bit of both.
Anybody else experiencing this?