by Cerise 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Cerise

    Hello I am relatively new, reading a lot of experiences here for a while. I’m born in and baptized but I moved away from small town to a new congregation in big city so I have a good opportunity to fade now.

    All my good friends are worldly and my boyfriend. I’m just wondering how the elders or people find out stuff to disfellowship people? Seems like if you don’t have any good friends in the congregation they can’t find out anything about you. And if you have good advice about fading too that would be great.

  • Giordano

    Hi Cerise and Welcome to this forum where every one of us was where you are now. Different situations for sure.......... but similar experiences.

    You have already started the way to fade.You moved. Not too many if any in the congregation are going to be that familiar with you. No past re the Truth and the Friends.

    #1. You can simply stop attending the kingdom hall. If asked why you can say your sill going through the move and learning your new job.

    #2. If pinned down by an Elder or the CO on one of his visits. You can claim that you are praying to Jehovah about some private issues and it seems to be helping. At this point you will continue with private prayer but I will contact you if I need spiritual help.

    #3. Or you can put it on them and ask why can't the Society help the little children avoid being sexually molested? When is the Society going to fix this problem?

    Hopefully a few others on this forum will jump in and offer variations on what to say and how to fade.

    Once again Welcome.

  • Ding


  • bsmart

    Welcome, here is a thread from years ago. lots of information... you have done the best one first, you moved to another town and congregation

  • Cerise
    Well actually Giordano now that you mention that last part I had an experience as a little girl where my JW relative sexual assaulted me. Turns out many years later he did it to more little kids and was going to jail cause their parents told. I have no idea if the elders knew about it long ago, no one probably told them. But I could use that as a stumbling block.
  • john.prestor

    The Elders find out things about people either because they just get lucky and happen to see you quote-unquote sinning, because somebody else gets lucky and tells them, or because they contact you in the hopes that you'll give them something they can use: they might just happen to stop by your house and ask to come inside, or call you on the phone and ask questions that set you up to condemn yourself. I don't mean you specifically, that's just tactics Elders employ. Are you familiar with the Elders handbook Shepherd the Flock of God? Someone can hook you up with a PDF copy I'm sure, that tells you more about how they gather evidence and what evidence counts.

  • smiddy3

    Don`t go to any meetings and don`t admit to ever being a JW if they come to your door its called theocratic warfare in reverse .

    The only power they have over you is the power you give to them

    They have no right to know any of your business unless you should see fit to share it with them .

    By the way Welcome to the forum

  • DesirousOfChange

    JWs that are trying to fade are most likely exposed by their own family members or their (former) JW friends. These people may be doing it out of concern (trying to "snatch you out of the fire") fearing that your everlasting life is in danger by your "sins". Occasionally if may be malicious.

    If you are living with your boyfriend, I would see that as your most dangerous risk to your fading status. Living together, unmarried, evn without a romantic relationship, is a sin in JW World. They don't have to catch you having sex or have you confess to having sex -- just spending the night (one time) qualifies as "fornication".

    Speaking negatively about the bOrganization to two persons (it can be at two separate occasions) who will testify to that fact can also get you called before a Judicial Committee (JC) for apostasy and DFd. So you must learn to STFU if you want a successful long-term FADE. You must learn to not voice the concerns you have about the Borg to ANY JWs. (Soooo many people here have tried to be honest with family members or supposed close friends, only to have them "turn on them" and reveal their confidential things.)

    The best position (IMHO) is to be "stumbled" into inactivity. Your past experience with abuse is plausible. No doubt you became aware of the worldwide issue of "harboring" child abusers that has occurred among JWs. They were more concerned about the reputation of the organization than the interests of children so they had a "hush hush" policy directly from WT HQ. They are losing MILLION$ in lawsuits and settling even more out of court. Yep, that could be what stumbled you. (My wife and I, if backed into a corner and questioned, just say we are waiting on Jehovah to help in resolving some serious issues. -- (I might joke if I trust the person, that "We just are NOT waiting inside the Kingdumb Hall".) If it is obviously an attempt to get you to divulge damning information, you don't have to say a thing.

    Good luck to you!

    The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Cerise puzzled, "I’m just wondering how the elders or people find out stuff to disfellowship people?"

    Sometimes they discover careless self-incriminations online, like "All my good friends are worldly and my boyfriend."

    I hope you are practicing safe on-line posting.

  • Cerise

    Nathan I literally didn’t post anything identifying me and this is a fake name. And like I said the elders don’t know anything about me, don’t just assume I’m a clueless kid.

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