Severe anxiety

by MrHappy 25 Replies latest members private

  • MrHappy

    I am experiencing a period of severe anxiety and possible a midlife crisis.

    My wife who is still a witness has asked two elders to come round and see us both. I am so grateful to her for all the love and support she gives me. The elders coming round is something I am not looking forward to; how do you speak your truth at a moment of frightening anxiety? I don't want to add another problem in my life but this scenario of me leaving the jw's for 13 years while my wife continues is at the core of so much of my inner pain. I don't want to crush another persons faith as to wake up is itself very painful.

    I am so stuck and really don't know how to live anymore.

  • Finkelstein

    My wife who is still a witness has asked two elders to come round and see us both.

    But why did she do that if you already confirmed the position that your a non believer ?

    Sounds a bit like a waste of time for everyone concerned.

    I think your wife is getting put out that she has to attend meetings and assemblies on her own and she wants to place guilt onto you for creating this scenario which annoys her ???.

    Your the head of the house by her own established beliefs, you hold the power and control of what goes on at your own home.

    If your not agreement to this meeting then cancel it.

    Remind her of your headship within your relationship you have under your roof in accordance to Scripture.

    Sometimes playing the JWS card can be useful and advantageous.

  • compound complex
    compound complex


    I'm sorry for the anxiety you're feeling. Those are reasons I can relate to.

    When things were bad for me many years ago, my wife was likewise very supportive. The elders -- personal friends -- were kind and helpful; however, there have been occasions when other elders were "doing their job" but had no real insight or sensitivity about my personal dilemma of the time.

    In a nutshell, we are individuals and our path in life, while shared with another, is our own path. Ultimately, whatever we say and do may not actually help or hinder that other person. If you're not up to talking with the elders (and with good reason), you don't need to apologize and feel guilty, as though you were appearing ungrateful for their concern. Sensitive people get the point when we distressed souls say, "Thanks for your concern, but now is not a good time."

    Since I am no longer married and need to weigh my every word and action against the attitude of my spouse, I am in a different spot than you. But I do understand. It's so much easier to go along with what others think best for us even when we're fighting it inside ourselves.

    Wishing you the best, MrHappy!

  • dogisgod

    I can't see any benefit from this meeting. Remember these elders are not qualified mental health professionals and their direction from NY is to inform you that your state of mind is the result of being out of the borg. There could be many reasons for your anxiety that may just be physical. Go get a work up from a good Doctor. Try to have regular exercise...just walking will help. Are you sleeping well? test for blood sugar. I liken "waking up" to developing an allergy to something you have always eaten. The more you are exposed to it the more ill you will be. Skip the meeting and take care of your self. The society only cares about it's own existence...not yours.

  • humbled

    You could gently point out to her that you want to do what is best for the two of you. You could suggest to her that these men coming in to interfere with your private life does not seem the best.

    Then you could point out to her ( as Finkelstein said )that you COULD play the headship card that JWs use. Even a non-JWs may ignore the feelings of his wife-because headship is a tool that is designed to crush women through ruthless subordination.

    Tell her that she is welcome to endorse the idea of preventing elders walking in on the two of you. That you would not employ their crude and loving behavior on your marriage . Because it is very possible that in their ignorance of your marriage that they will likely destroy or at the very least interfere.

    I encourage you to invite her to be your partner. Do not fall into their trap of high-handed patriarchal behavior.

  • DesirousOfChange

    how do you speak your truth at a moment of frightening anxiety?

    I agree with those above stating that there is no benefit to have this meeting. At best, they will go thru the motions to encourage you and you "snooze" thru it. At worst, you will lose control of your tongue and shoot yourself in the foot exposing yourself as "no longer wanting to be one of JWs" and get the DAing announcement read about you at the Kindumb Hall.

    My best advice: STFU! DO NOT.......repeat DO NOT . . . . say anything negative about the Borganization or any of its doctrines or policies, etc. Just sit there, listen, nod, smile, and thank them for taking time from their own families to encourage you!

  • redpilltwice

    What finkelstein and others said

    But, if the meeting nevertheless takes place...because sometimes shit happens...

    Let them do the talking (they LOVE it) but keep your opinions to yourself. They might feel like gods and leave in an euphoric/relaxed mood but in fact you gave them absolutely no power over your thoughs/feelings. This way they can't pretend to get a grip on your situation with their bullshit advice.

    If your JW wife gives them personal info regarding you, just add that life can be very complicated but that you're doing your best.

    I wish you strenght and all the best with your anxiety... I really do!

  • Vanderhoven7

    Your wife believes she is in the truth. She also believes that if you meet with the elders and accept to have a "Bible" study with them, that you too will come into the truth and be happy again and free from anxiety. If you can't get out of the meeting, then they will naturally ask you what your problems with the religion are. I'm not saying how you should respond to their queries, but if you don't respond, your wife, if she knows your doubts, may contribute some of your concerns and that will open up a can of worms.

    The best I see coming from this meeting is that you say, when offered a study, that you don't feel comfortable with a Bible study at this time but you will attend some meetings....and leave it at that.

    However, since you know nothing good can come from the meeting, if I were you, I would just tell my wife that I am too anxious to have a meeting with the elders...because that is the truth.

  • freddo

    You: Honey I love you very much but i really don't want to sit through two elders visiting - i am really not going to change my views after 13 years and wish to be left alone.

    Best option

    Her: That's fine, I'll cancel.

    Next best

    Her: That's fine - I'd like a "shepherding call" on my own if you don't mind.

    You: Sure!

    Next next best

    Her: Rant! Guilt trip! Moan! Why don't you ...

    You: I still love you but I'm not attending.

    Next next next next best

    Her: Rant! Guilt trip! Moan! Why don't you ...

    You: I still love you but I'm not attending.

    Her: If you don't then I'll (threat)

    You: I still love you but you must do what you must do and I'm still not attending ...

  • sparrowdown

    Why and how is you living your life "crushing" another person's faith?

    It sounds like "her faith" is "crushing" you or rather has crushed you. Her religion is big enough to look after itself it's time you started looking after your own self. I wish people would stop tip-toeing around this religion sacrificing their own rights and responsiblities to their own well being in the process.

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