Still do not know where I fit in the picture.....

by LyinEyes 28 Replies latest jw friends

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  blondie

  Good answer, jgnat. It takes time to form new family traditions. I grew up in a divided household so went to the memorial and also to non-jw friend's homes for easter dinner. I was always given a nice easter basket with the rest of the children. We spent time with the in-laws this weekend.. There are no children so there were no easter egg hunts. We had a nice dinner and visit, talking about those who have died in the family, getting out the photo albums. Even the non-JWs don't share the same views about Easter. We watched a movie about the life of Jesus which prompted some light discussion during the commercials. We all admitted that showing love to one another more was a good goal to take away from the day.

  Blondie
• 

  rocketman

  Hi Dede,

  As jgnat mentioned, since we were involved for so long with the jws, we never formed traditions or had much to do with holidays. Now, we feel odd. The jw religion gave us so much to do, kept us so busy, that now there is an understandable void even during times when there are no hoildays on the calendar. And also, feeling close to God is something that is hard to do when for so long you've been taught that the only way to please God is by being a jw and doing their work.

  For me, after having been an active jw and an elder, I found that void to be difficult to fill. I do so simply by using my time in ways that I enjoy; I feel like I'm gettting my life back, slowly but surely. I seldom had the time to do things I used to enjoy since I was constantly doing things jw-oriented.

  But, there are those occasions when we feel adrift, and it takes time. Some of the suggestions you've been receiving thus far are very good.

  I can relate what xena said too - that sometimes, we come here, because we feel comfortable. It's one reason I've been spending more time here lately.
• 

  acsot

  I feel exactly the same way as you do LyinEyes! Yesterday I was wondering the same thing. I started working in the garden and the thought hit me: Why? What's the point? Do we just muddle through, sort of lost, and then - nothing? That's it? I feel as though I'm running on empty and don't know where the gas station is.

  JamesThomas: I'll be picking up that book myself. Thanks.
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  bk62

  I don't have anything new to add - just that I totally agree with most of the other posters. I've long ago stopped associating these holidays as a religious event, and instead just used them as another excuse to get together with family (which is increasingly difficult to do). Christmas is such a commercial event it's not even funny. I have a friend who tells me I'm lucky to be married to JW - "Think of the money you'll save on Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day, etc..." As true as that might be, I still hope to one day convince her to just look to the holidays as a time to celebrate - period.
• 

  LyinEyes

  Thanks for the replies,,,,,,,,it is great to know, although kind of sad, that others feel the same way, that I do.

  I had to laugh at what Xena said, I swear I said the same thing right in the middle of Walmart to my kids............."I don't know how to do Easter",,,,,,,,lol.....my kids were wondering this and that , and I said , lets grab a basket, some egg die, some of those plastic eggs and some candy and see what my neice says we should do.

  I took the kids over to her house for a night of egg dying and decorating their baskets,,,,,,,,,I forgot the eggs!!! the most important thing I forgot.......doh,,,,,,,, but she had plenty thank goodness.

  This feeling I have right now is not really about celebrating holidays, or making family traditions , we do that everyday,,,,,,,,,,we are a very close family and we always have special things we do.

  It was just looking out of my truck window driving down the street seeing people dressed up and it made me miss the purpose I used to have,,,,,,,,,,,,,alot along the lines of what James said. I just miss that higher connection, I had or at least thought I had one time. For a person who was a JW their whole life,,,,,,,God is the most important thing, we are taught that. THen in a few months your belief systems can be shaken to the ground and you stand there,tattered , not knowing what to do with yourself anymore.

  Many of you know my story of my parents, for years as a girl, I was so afraid my mother would leave, either by dieing, or going freakin' crazy, well she did. I always knew she wouldnt be around long, and I used to cry thinking about her being gone.

  My dad, I worshipped ,almost as much as God himself , and he turned his back on me too, why , I am still working on the reason, since I feel I did nothing, this way was before I d/a myself. I was always a good daughter to him and after mama died when I was 18 , things changed overnight. He just seemed to stop loving me , little by little I lost him too. Now he is completely gone.

  It just seems the things that so many take forgranted , family , God, etc, they have , yet I am always wondering .........What eles can be taken away??? And believe I DO NOT want to know the answer to that one.

  I am so grateful to have my family and I try to put my energies into them, I just wish I had faith again, hope for the future, and something to beleive in.

  But I am sure like you all say,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I will find my way,,,,,,bumps , rocks, potholes all in the road, but I really do intend to make it to my final destination in one piece,,,,,,,,lol........where ever that is,,,,,, I don't know,,,,,,,, but I guess it will not hurt to start heading that way. At least it will make me feel like I am trying.
• 

  termite 35

  Hi Dede,

  I guess we're all still a bit mixed up after all the crap we've been through.

  I found myself wondering what the witnesses were doing this Easter ( as I always do at each holiday) while I hid my kid's eggs. I made a roast dinner (why?!) seemed a way to mark it - wondered whether I should have bought lamb...I did go to my son's Easter service at the village school he goes to, thought I should have gone to church somewhere else along the line but did'nt. The need for that closeness washes over me in waves and leaves as quickly as it came.

  Do I feel resentful or sad? Yes, and angry and empty sometimes too.

  I hate the witnesses for taking my religion away from me due to the hypocracy they showed me and I can honestly say I have no desire or need for it in my life anymore but that leaves a hole that nothing seems to fill.

  Perhaps it will come in time; or the desire for needing it will leave me in peace.

  I hope you find something to fill that void in the future - perhaps now you're open to new ideas something

  will find you.

  Take care of yourself

  termite xx
• 

  cruzanheart

  As usual, Dede, you expressed your feelings beautifully! And I share them with you. I felt kind of displaced this past Sunday, going out to the nursing home to see Mom dressed in my khaki capris and a T-shirt, then picking up BBQ, all the while surrounded by people dressed in their Easter suits after church. A few neighbors urged us to go to church with them, but we declined. Not ready for that yet. We did dye eggs last weekend, though, for the first time! That was fun!

  Just take it one step at a time and make your own traditions.

  Hugs,

  Nina
• 

  ApagaLaLuz

  Hey Lyin, I think the most of us feel the same. When I used to pray, I felt nothing. I have at times felt connected to the earth, but never to a higher power. After I left the JWs I went to my Ex-Boyfriends church for a while. Though the people were great, I didnt fit in there. I've visited alot of churches, studied with different religions. Nothing feels right. I celebrated Christmas for the first time last year, like most everyone else, there was no religious meaning for me. It was fun, hanging out with friends and family. For Easter this year I just bought candy for the kids and my friends. But most of the people in my life didnt make too much of a big deal about it either. I dont feel I missed out on anything not celebrating holidays. I feel like so many people do that it's for the kids. I think the Jehovah's Witnesses left such a bad impression on me, I find it hard to fit in or accept any other organized religion either, though spirituality is still very important to me. I feel we each do have a soul, and it's important to be able to feel your soul. Riding in your truck, with the windows down, looking at the sky is a spiritual moment. Something that is much more important to me than any sunday at church.
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  free will

  i celebrated easter with my in laws. and like so many others, there was absolutely no emotional attachment to the holiday. but, it felt good to share a dinner and some time with family. in fact, it felt very good. i felt a little guilty that i wasn't thinking any spiritual thoughts. but maybe, it's all about love, family, and enjoying each day as it comes. maybe, that's as spiritual as it will get for me. at least for now.
• 

  LyinEyes

  Thanks for the replies since last time I read this post........Today was a good day. I went to work on our old house, and got out of this one for the day. The kids rode their bikes, played , fought in the yard just playing around with the other kids, and has snow cones.

  It was a really pretty day and I need to be out in it.

  Right now I am living in a neighborhood I can not wait to move out of,,,,,, the only people who live here are very old, I mean old , old folks, who are very cranky,,,,,,,, they are always watching everything my kids do, every sound they make, it is driving me crazy and them to I know.

  My husbands best friend in the world is a black man,,,,,,, I would give more details but right now it is not safe to say too much for his sake, and from the town we came from, our children have grown up with many black friends,,,,,,,,, well here in this neighborhood they hate black people or anyone who has black friends, errrrrrrrrr, they really havent said much , but I hear things thru the grapevine. When we moved here things were ok,,,,,,,but then they , my landlord happens to be my sister MIL, errrrrrr, they are always fighting. THings just seem uncomfortable to me right now, her husband is dying of cancer and she has returned to the wonderful baptist church, they absolutly think drinking is wrong, even beer , doesnt matter. So we get looks when we drink a beer outside or smoke.............

  SO we are moving back to the our old house and work on redoing it , since that is where the school is anyway.

  I do fit more in that neighborhood than here,,,,, I can't stand any form of hypocrisy since leaving JW, and I will not take the baptist here acting holier than thou. I would rather be around people who never read the bible than those who think they are going to heaven and you are not. THey are no better than JW's in my book.

  I did just feel better being around my old neighbors at our old house, and feeling like that is where I belong. There is such a variety of people there, it is a mixed neighborhood, of blacks and whites, and everyone is warm , friendly and they love to visit. The children all play together without any barriers and they are free to roam and it is a pretty safe place for them to have all the fun they need too.

  Thanks again for all of your warm thoughts, love and understanding. I think this move back to where this all ( leaving the borg) started from will kind of bring me full circle and I can feel like I am home again, literally and maybe soon spiritually.