More conditional, emotional as usual for the Duds

by Maverick 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    I'm with Matt on this one Maverick. It's a family matter and your family!

    Guest 77

  • Gopher


    You deserve a lot better. You ought to be setting some rules as to how you ought to be respected here.

    This part makes me so mad: "I set no limits on visits or ever asked for child support, and I cashed out my retirement to keep the peace."

    And I suppose you got not even ONE word of thanks for any of this. You didn't have to cash out your retirement, you should have guarded what's rightfully yours. Oh well, that's water under the bridge / over the dam (what's the right cliche here?)

    Anyhow I totally agree with Matt. You're the father and as such you have a rightful position in your daughter's life without ANY BITCH imposing any limitations on or disrespecting you!! Hold your head high! You're a good dad, and nothing should hinder you from enjoying the graduation day with pride in your daughter's accomplishments.

  • blondie
    My daughter was told that if I go to her high school graduation, the same school I went to 30 years ago, her mother won't go!

    Maverick, my parents were divorced by the time I got married. They had been divorced 21 years and were both married to other people and were supposed to be JWs in good standing. Yet, they played this game on me. I told them I couldn't stop them if they chose not to come because the other one was there. But they were both invited as along as they behaved themselves. I just refused to play the game. I hope your daughter chooses not to play the game. Because it doesn't end. There will be other situations, marriage, first grandchild, etc. She has to take a stand now.

    BTW, they both came and behaved themselves.

    Blondie (If you were my dad, Maverick, I would want you to come no matter what)

  • Mystery

    Ask your daughter.

  • Skeptic


    Short of spoiling your daughter's special day, I believe that you should attend and be with your daughter as any parent normally would. The Dubs should get the consequences of their actions.

    If her mom has decided that she will not attend because you are there, it is her choice, not yours. It is her beliefs and attitudes that are causing the problem.

    She should not attend if that is her choice. You should attend irregardless of her choice.

    My non-JW family has grown sick of the JWs ruining family events because of the shunning policy. We discussed it and I attend family events. I am not the type to make a scene, so we all know it has nothing to do with me offending anyone.

    The JWs that choose to stay home thus get the consequences of their choices. If they don't like the consequences, then maybe they will start making more humane and reasonable choices.


  • jgnat

    This sounds like typical jerky ex-spouse behavior. The JW's just give another excuse. Children are most impressed if you take the high road at times like these. Even if steam is coming out of your ears, keep your mouth shut about your ex. Make sure the day is all about your daughter. Of course you go.

    I took the high road with my ex-family, and my children are still speaking to me today. Not so for the ex-family.

  • hillary_step


    I am sure that you will feel much better reading some words from one the architects of these damaging theological doctrines. Please try to remember he loves you, really he does....

    Theodore Jaracz continued the discussion, adding: "We have a comforting work to do, similar to what is described at Isaiah 61:1, 2. We seek to tell good news, as did Jesus, who applied these words to himself and to those who would follow his example: 'He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted . . . to comfort all the mourning ones.' In bringing a Bible message to communities around the world, Jehovah's Witnesses spread hope in troubled times. The Bible exerts power and reaches the heart."

    These words uttered by an almost universally despised man even among his close associates, for his cold, autocratic and rigid manner. He then deems fit to apply these words to himself. The great 'comforter' who 'binds up the heart of the broken-hearted ones', I hope that any 'lurking' JW's who read your post will see the irony of this duplicitous statement, even through the spectacles of WTS conditioning.


  • anti-absolutist


    I honestly think that there is no such thing as being too nice, but then I read how you are willing to sit at the back and I have to remind myself of a few things that apply here.

    Your ex has cheated your daughter out of the opportunity to have a pleasant experience. This changes the law of relativity in the situation. It is up to you to make it more balanced again. If you make a sacrifice (by sitting at the back.. never mind that she may not come even if you do) your wife and daughter will think that SHE(ex) is right. She is NOT RIGHT. She has put an unfair condition on her daughter's experience.

    Your daughter should get UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from both of you. If your ex will not show it to her then you have to. I don't mean to sound preachy, but it seems as though you are making too many sacrifices.

    Everything in life is relative except for liars, cheaters and thieves. Your ex has upset the balance. You are likely the only one who can right it. Your daughter will understand what you are doing, I think.


  • Maverick

    I want to thank everyone for their comments and advice. I talked to my baby about this today and the things you all said really helped me. I told my daughter that the graduation was her day, not mine or her mothers but hers. She finished high school, she did the work and I was proud of her. And if we let her mother push us around what would happen when she got married or had her first child. It would never end! She seemed to like my comments, which are composites from what you all said. I will be there. My daughter said if her mother goes or not that is up to mom not us. And it is unfair to put in back on us. She sees how phony the religion is, her words. Thanks again! Maverick

  • anti-absolutist

    Good for you, Maverick!!!!!! Kids teach us so much, don't they.


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