I finally went to the grave site, and it was a definate reality check......

by Jesika 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • TresHappy

    Go to a grave and talking to the dead has always been therapy for me. When I was 6 years old, my grandfather died of cancer. I was young, not many memories of the man. I knew he drank beer and like to pay the violin. Then another journey with him began three years ago. While doing my family history on genealogy.com, I came across a post from a person wanting information about a man with the same initials of my grandfather...weird I thought. To make a long story short, this person turned out to be my new aunt! My grandfather had an affair with her mother and produced this child. Sweet, wonderful lady that she is. To prove all this, my aunt did DNA testing with her and sure enough, my known aunt has a new 1/2 sister! I was so mad at my grandfather, I went to his grave and yelled at him. It has turned out good though, as my family has embraced my new aunt. She and I get together a few times a year, as we were friends for 2 years before DNA testing was done. I am so glad I had a part in something so positive, as my new aunt is a wonderful person. And not knowing who her family was always haunted her. She said she didn't feel complete until she got the DNA test results in the mail. Last Memorial Day, I took her to visit her grandmother's grave. This year, I will take her to visit her grandfather's grave. It's been a wonderful journey, and I love her!

  • cruzanheart

    Dear Jesika, I'm glad you went to see her grave, and I love what you took for her! That was very appropriate. She was indeed a lovely lady, very Southern in her manners. There was always a ton of food at her house and anyone who came was served a meal. I remember once when she was sick and we went to visit I offered to go to the store for her, if she needed anything. I ended up filling two grocery baskets! But I think she felt safe having a lot of food in the house -- that probably came from living through the Depression. She talked about her child a little bit to us once -- all those years ago and she was still grieving. I hope she is with her baby now.

    She was a treasure.


  • Shakita


    So very few people we meet in our life will make the impression that this wonderful woman has made on you. It is so great that she has left you with such heartwarming memories to cherish the rest of your life. That is what life is really, being the best we can be and sharing our best with others. Thanks for sharing your memories with us.

    Mrs. Shakita

  • nowisee

    dear jesika,

    that was such a lovely, beautiful tribute to oretha. i am so glad you had someone like her in your life...she surely was manifesting the love of a true Christian.

    it is touching that you still remember her with such fondness; it reminds me that "....love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things....love never fails." im sure she will be in your heart always.

    thank you so much for sharing.

    love, nowisee

  • Yizuman


    I don't know what to say Jes, but I hope a hug will make up for the words I cannot find in my heart to say.


  • mattnoel


    I am glad you did it. I wonder how many of her witness "friends" go and see her ?

    Personally I believe in the afterlife and believe she will have seen that YOU went and saw her grave and paid respect.

    Well done mate, I bet you feel so much better now you did it.

  • Robdar


    What a kind gesture to pay your respects even though it has been 7 years since your friend passed. I believe that we survive death and so I believe that your friend heard you. I am sure that she loves you still.


  • sandy


    Like you I am not sure if she is asleep or in heaven. But I am still glad you went and talked to her. I know you must feel better even though you are sad she is gone.

    It sounds like she was a wonderful woman. I wish I knew her. You are so fortunate to have known her.

    Such a kind lady, I am sure she always had a special place in her heart for you no matter what the JWs do or say to you.

    You are very sweet and your experience was so touching. Thank you for sharing it.


  • Sentinel

    Jes, I know what you mean by not being told about the passing away of friends and even family. My mother is especially notorious about it, and in the past when I confronted her about finding out a long time afterward, she would say that since I was no longer a JW, I wasn't privy to that information. I've long since learned that I cannot depend upon her to keep me advised. She never told me when my own grandfather died--her father!! He received my last letter to him on the day he died. I've had aunts, uncles, cousins,---and friends who have been seriously ill, had operations, etc., and I don't hear a word from her. These people are not even JW's. Relatives believe that she will pass along the information to her own children, but she does not. How can she, when she doesn't communicate. Even when we were communicating, she wasn't open to information. I would have to directly ask her about any individual in the family that I wished to know about. She was still evasive. And, she would not discuss the welfare of any of the JW's I had known for a long time. Her way of controling me--keeping me in the dark, I suppose. I've learned that I have to keep direct contact myself, or else I would never know. ...and sometimes this is difficult, because I don't know where everyone is, and reading a local newspaper wouldn't help.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Your friends sounds like a special human being, who really knew how to show love. The very thing we all need so much. Such ones will always be in our heart, and their memory will live on and on. Your loss was as if it had "just occured" for you, even though she passed in '96. I would have been upset as well. But, you have done a good thing to bring closure. ...and you know, you can go back and visit her as often as you like.

  • calamityjane

    (((((((Jesika)))))))))) Wiping tears from my eyes.

    I know where your coming from. A good friend of mine passed away a couple of weeks ago. Our mothers were in the hospital together giving birth to us. I lost touch with her when I left the borg. Thank god a kindhearted soul from my old congreation called me to tell me that she had passed away waiting for an organ transplant.

    Maybe I would have been better off not knowing because your words bring back a lot of pain and hurt.

    It is sad that we are robbed of saying goodbye to someone, in their final days. Just to say "I love you".

    Thats all I've got to say.



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