Thank God , I mean Simon, for the edit feature, it has saved my butt many times.
I am so glad you all understand my need to keep to myself a little longer what I wrote. I am really glad that those who did read it and replied were all of you, because you all know exactly what I am going thru.
I am taking this road slowly, because I dont want to fall on my face......lol. I feel I almost did that,,,but really it is just my perception of exposing myself,,,,,,,,,it is not like the whole world would read it, but the fact that it was there,,,, I just didnt quite feel safe yet, to leave it there. Sometimes I am afraid some of the things I have written will be dug up and used agaisnt me, maybe something I wrote in a weakened state of mind and I would be just mortified ,ya know?
I know the things that happened are not my fault but I am just a bit of a perfectionist and have always wanted things to be just so,,,,,,,even my childhood, my homelife,,,,,,my outward self to the world. I can honestly say I am so different when it comes to my kids,,,,,,, I am raising them to be free as birds, open to new ideas, free to express themselves and lots of saying,,,,,,,, I understand , we will get thru this ,,,,,,,so different from the way I was raised. Now if only I can treat myself as I do my kids........and listen to my own words that I hear coming out of my body, yet they sound so inapplicable to myself. Well, I am working on that,,,,,,,,,,,lol......... thanks for all you responding with wisdom , love and gentleness......... it will never be forgotten..........hugs Dede