shunned in my own home (page 2)

wednesday

It's not the vicodin, DJ, actually i've only had 2 today. this has been an ongoing problem, i just have not discussed it.I've tried to keep some things private.

Yes i am glad he is willing to read Coc, but tonight he said he said that Bendict Arnold was considered a corageous man(referring to Ray Franz).

he just has as little to do with me as he can. I can only hope the therapist will help him to get a better perspective on this.

At least so far he is not reporting me, and selling me out. (the nazi reference).I know he could have, and actually is supposed to report me. But he admits it has affected his feelings for me, we don't share the same beliefs as before.

DJ

Wednesday,

I was trying to cheer you up. You have a start atleast w/ him. No one in my family would ever consider reading CoC. He may have a negative Benedict Arnold attitude but that book should shed some light on a lot of things for him. If it means anything to you, my husband is a bit bothered by the amount of time that i spend online......and it seems that you are just as bad as me lol. My hubby isn't a jw anymore but this computer can take away time that I should be spending with him. Maybe your hubby has 2 reasons to be angry.....hmmm, you left the dubs and you spend a lot of time on an APOSTATE site. What do you expect? Of course he feels betrayed. Try to befriend him while he reads CoC so you can discuss it with him. You have a great opportunity here. Look on the bright side will you? It's a start in the right direction. So many here want family to agree to reading something, anything that sheds light on the darktower. Have you ever read Franz other book, In Search of Christian Freedom? I recommend it.....love, dj

wednesday

DJ, yes he is going to read it, and for that i am grateful. It took quite a bit of convincing to get him there, but he's going to pony up. His view is i am gullible and will believe anything anyone says. hes' a very negative thought, saying that even if he never heard of jws, he'd know xmas and all that was wrong. He says i am trying to rob him of his rights to believe what he wants. and as far as the board, well he is such a sports fan, he does not care what i do , as long as i do not interfere with the game. he just hates the board b/c it is apostate.If it were a jw site, he'd be very happy.

So he has for a long time just cut off talking to me. Long before i found this board. B/c i was unhappy with jws for a long time. His contention is "I have changed the rules". Right now i am playing up to his ego and all, and saying "u examine this-you'll know if it is BS". it has taken several years to get to this point, he would have never read COC a couple years ago.

I appreciate your insights, and u are helpful.U are well grounded, dJ.

It just makes me feel sad that a religion has this much power..We are getting marriage counseling, so hopefully his therapist will show him that it is not ok to do this.

shera

((((Wednesday))))

ashitaka

I'm feeling very sad tonight. jws are truly a bunch of nazis.

-Man that pisses me off. Still, he could come around. I know how depressing it is to have family members who won't treat you like humans. My wife went through so much when her parents realised she was never coming to meetings again. They were horrible to her.

Still, be patient, good things can still happen.

(((wed)))

ash

wednesday

I am going to hang on until he makes it very clear that there is no reason not to. we have a life together, and surely that must mean something to him.On the other hand, i will not accept just tolerance. he does not have to change his beliefs, but he must treat me with respect.

Sara Annie

he is talking to me as little as possible and says "I have changed the rules'. wow, people change and grow in a marriage.The rules do change.

The rules do change, people change, and circumstances change. That's part of life.

However, I do have compassion for your husband. I do NOT condone his treatment of you, but I can understand how a shift in such a fundamental belief could greatly effect a marriage. To have a spouse reject that something that is such a large part of their lives, no matter how "good" the decision is, must be very difficult. I saw the identical (but flip-flopped) situation happen when my Aunt embraced witness theology after being married for nearly 20 years. Her husband felt exactly the same way--the rules had changed and my uncle suddenly didn't know how to handle this woman and her new beliefs.

I believe there are three "deal-breakers" when it comes to marriage: Handling of money, the desire to have/how to raise children, and religion. No matter what the views are, coming to a common decision about these issues is essential in whether a marriage can/will work. And when one partner dramatically changes their view of any of the big three issues, it can be terribly stressful for the other spouse. I have seen it happen with financial decisions and handling, I have seen it happen several times with couples who initially agreed not to have children where one spouse now desperately wants them, and I have absolutely seen it happen when religious beliefs change dramatically.

That said, the difficulty experienced does not mean that a marriage should be dissolved. I believe the vows taken at your wedding are binding, and that the most difficult of situations need to be dealt with. But it isn't easy, it can take a lot of time and hard work. The fact that your husband is willing to read COC is very encouraging, he must love you very much--I have heard so many stories relaying how spouses wouldn't agree to ANYTHING they deemed "forbidden". My wish is that you will be kind to each other during this difficult period, and come out of this period with a greater understanding of each other, having made united decisions that will ultimately make your marriage stronger. I will be thinking about you.

Makena1

(((((Wed))))))

Take heart! Even though mentally I was on my way out too, it was my wife Sabine who started doing the research. She started by reading various websites, ordered and read COC and ISOCF. The books sat on the coffee table weeks before I cracked them open. When I finally did, I could not put them down. What an eye - opener! Within a week - I was convinced that I had been in a cult all my life.

Best wishes that after reading COC your husband will come around too.

Mak

Makena1

Oh - just wanted to add that I although I was upset with my wife reading the forbidden material, I did not shun her.

If you knew my wife Sabine - you know that would have been very foolish and perhaps dangerous! LOL

(((hugs)))

Mak

OUTLAW

(((Wednesday))), JW`s will turn on family and friends in a heartbeat..They will even turn on each other..Thats how they`re trained..Good little Nazi`s...OUTLAW

shunned in my own home

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