I need help in writing a letter to disassociate myself

by kelpie 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • kelpie

    Where do I start??

    I recieved a letter from mum in the mail yesterday telling me that the door will always be open etc etc but she has to put Jehovah first. She would do anything for me but nothing that would ruin her relationship with Jehovah.

    Of course I broke down and started crying. Rick being the wonderful man he is was there to support me. We sat and spoke about it for a long while and I have come to the desicion that I want to dissociate myself from the Dubs.

    My family has disowned me any way, so I want to make it final. I need closure. I need to move on. I only hope in time that they will realise what a cult they are in.

    I would like to put information in about all the child abuse issues but I don't know how to word it.

    Any help or suggestions would be fantastic as this is going to be a really difficult letter to write.

    Kim (who is in tears while writing this)

  • Joyzabel


    I'm sorry the JWs have such an effect on you. I hope that you will progress beyond them and their silly rules and realize that it is their rules, you don't have to live by them anymore. I recommend you don't do anything. Let them pronounce judgement because its their rules and their rules mean nothing to you. Love your family even if they are stuck on some silly men organization's rules, don't let it influence your love or your self-esteem. You are just fine the way your are. If they are treating you bad, you let them, just ignore it. I know it may be hard to do, but it is only in your mind.

    <hoping this makes some sense, if not, go get a bottle of Merlot and have some on me!>



  • kelpie

    Very good point joy... I will share that merlot with you.

    I am just hoping that a letter will help with closure..

    Thanks sphere for your hugs

  • Scully


    Perhaps the best thing - therapeutically speaking - would be to go ahead and write the letter. But don't send it. Get it all out on paper, just the way you want to say it. Tuck it away someplace safe. And when/if you ever get the urge to go back to the JWs, take it out and read it again.

    Getting all your emotions out and being able to compile your thoughts rationally is really good therapy. And it's still good closure, even if you don't send it, because you can always send it another time, IF you REALLY feel the need to do so.

    I tend to agree with Joy - a DA letter is giving them authority over you that they are no longer entitled to. You are your own person, and owe them nothing. They can only walk on you if you lay down on the ground first and let them. A DA letter is basically a statement to them permitting them to treat you badly. Don't give them that permission.

    Write the letter if you must, but I would urge you to keep it just for yourself.

    Love, Scully

  • DJ


    I agree w/ Scully totally. I wrote that letter myself but I never sent it. I felt better afterwards and I knew that if I sent it, I would only be fanning the flames. They are blinded and misled and you can only offer your love. This letter and DAing yourself will offer them fuel to hate you. I know that is very hard. ((((kelpie)))) believe me, I know. Just try not to do anything at all that will alienate them even further from you. Instead, write down your feelings and the reasons for your wanting to no longer be a jw and save it. I promise you that there will be a times when you are with your family down the road and you can plant a seed with the things that you know. Patience and love are key. Try your best to remember that they are victims, you are a victim's victim. Love, dj

  • kelpie

    sounds like a good one Sphere..

    Blondie.. I think i will do that.. thanks

  • nowisee

    reading the above just gave me another thought.....

    i think writing the letter and saying everything you have to say would be really good and healthy for you. then.....why not post it here? let us all see it and pronounce your da official. what are good friends for?

    you can always send it at a time of your choosing and when timing is absolutely right. but why make it harder on yourself than you need to?

    my best wishes, nowisee

  • kelpie

    That is an excellent idea nowisee.

    when I sit down and write my letter, I will post in on the board for all to see...

  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    I'd make it clear to her that it is you who has put God first because you will not support a lie or lies, whereas it is she that has accepted both past lies and facilitates the present ones, and has given her support to what you do not consider to be God or from God.

    As for the letter, I would not use their language. eg disassociate, etc - I would state emphatically that henceforth, you would prefer not to be called upon by their worldly organisation to do such any such thing as facilitating lies or lying, or to promote such a thing, particularly to children. It is by doing such that you have endeavoured to gain a percieved personal profit, but have only belittled yourself by marginalising your better God given nature. You could state that you would clearly prefer your yes to be yes and your no to be no, and that you firmly believe this to truly be the will of God for your wholeness and well-being.

    Just a suggestion.


  • kelpie

    Thanks everyone for your replies and support.

    I have started writing the letter but I doubt that I will send it. I will post it up here eventually for you all to read.. when I have finished it.

    I had lunch with a wonderful friend on friday, it was great to finally meet you and talk face to face and have the local support that I so need.

    Thanks all

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