I've always had flying dreams since I was a kid, used to dream a lot about volcanoes those were really cool in 1st and 2nd grade, and I was terrrified of fire. I have the needing to find a Bathroom dream a lot, either they don't have one, it's flooding, or it's in the middle of the store with no privacy and I spend the dream searching for a bathroom, to wake up to find I have the same pressing need. heheh this is not what I mean by reoccuring dreams.
Reoccurring dreams (these are dreams I had growing up, they occurred from early age like 6 and I had them growing up and they would change slightly with what was going on in my life and people that were in it at the time. But they were generally the same. And sometimes while I was dreaming, I would know this was a reocurring dream)
#1. This was a dream within a dream. In my dream in my dream I’m a JW happy lil jw going in service, to meetings everything like my normal life. Then I wake from the 2 nd dream and it was all just a dream, I’m not a JW there’s not really any such religion I’d dreamed it up and knew that those beliefs were not true and how crazy all that stuff was, and then at this point I would wake up. I would be covered in a cold sweat and terrified at how real it was that the JW’s were not the true religion. I would be terrified and feel so horribly guilty that I must have some doubts somewhere hidden. I would cry and pray to ‘Jah’ for forgiveness and pray for more faith and to do whatever it took to get rid of that doubt. I was too ashamed to tell anyone of this dream. I remember having it in grade school, and through high school. Not sure when I’d last had that dream.
#2 This started when I was very young I would be watching people like I was hovering above them. It was like watching my own funeral. The people were talking about how they would miss me, what a shame it was that I was gone. But I wasn’t dead, and I knew they knew that, but I couldn’t communicate with them. I sooo wanted to say hey, I’m ok, everything is ok. But they couldn’t see me or talk to me or hear me. My sister was crying as were a few others. And I remember hearing someone say what’s Courtney (my lil cousin) going to do without her cousin Bysh (my nickname, another story). Then as I got older a sister in our hall who’s kids I’d basically adopted said ‘what are my kids going to do without Bysh’ then more recently I heard that same sister say that but about My niece Ashley, ‘What is Ashley going to do without and Auntie Bysh). I would be watching this feeling my heart torn out of me, and not be able to console them, or understand what was happening. The closest thing I could think of would be my funeral or I was in a comma or something, I couldn’t imagine any other situation where I would be cut off from all family and friends and be devastated by that. I would wake up sobbing after this dream, in a cold sweat too scared to go back to sleep. (hence my insomnia)
#3 In this dream I was in an elders meeting. But I was not the one being counseled. We had some dirty CO’s come through that tried to stir up trouble and more then once they’d go after dad about something. Well I’m a very protective person and I used to day dream about what I would say if they asked me about certain situations. Well in this dream I’m with these elders and the CO and I’m setting them straight, I’m talking about whatever the current problem was and telling them what had really happened and what they should do about it. I was never the one being counseled and was always standing up to them and explaining things and defending those I felt were in the right, kind of like a witness for them and just going on an on and they elders didn’t know what to do. I’d wake up kinda freaked out by this and wondered what would happen if I was ever in that situation. I was never intimidated by the elders, my Dad had been PO and City Overseer as long as I could remember and it never occurred to me to fear the elders or be intimidated by them, I just viewed them as other people and the fathers of my friends. I guess this did help me to lose my fears and prepare me for my ‘Heresy Trial’
#4 I had a dream where I had liked some guy and we’d wanted to date or whatever but something kept stopping us, and then for some reason we were torn apart and could no longer be together, but it wasn’t really the fault of either one of us, something happened, like he died or something, but I knew he hadn’t, we were just separated and had to go on with our lives. I think this dream scared me from getting attached to anyone growing up. And it happened exactly like that we both just said ok this isn’t working now, and drifted apart, still friends
#5 This dream kreeps me out to talk about and I’m still not sure exactly where this fits in. I remember dreaming about having a cong picnic up at a big house in the woods. Well we’d all be playing and having fun. And then I’d walk around the back of the house and see a small group of people doing something rather secretive and ritual like. So I’d sneek through the bushes and saw them eating something, I got closer and saw they were eating babies, this still gives me horrible chills to even write, this dream I hated the worst and would have me soo upset I’d sometimes get sick and go throw up, it was soo real, I could even smell it. It was horrible I’d wake up from these dreams soo freaked out sometimes I’d go in my parents room or crawl in bed with my sister. I remember as I got older I wanted part of that movie the ‘naked pray’ and when they had that scene that they’re roasting the men I like had a total panic attack, even typing this now my breathings come short in my chest and my stomach is a ball of nerves. I don’t think I want to know what this one is about….. but it was like the others, somehow they had a different feel then my normal dreams. This is the reason I REFUSE to watch any of the Hanibal series because ahh I can't deal with that.
I also used to remember laying bed just about to fall asleep and see like giant sand dunes in front of me moving kind of like those 3D screen savers. And then I would hear a strong wind, and it would start howling painfully in my ears and yet I knew there was no sound, and I would hear it calling my name getting louder and louder, and it would scare me and I’d shake it off and wake up, then I’d be like what is that???? Soo I’d lay down and try to feel it again, but I couldn’t induce it. After a while I’d be like ohh this again and try to go along with it, but as soon as I became totally aware of it, it would stop and I’d find myself wide awake.
HAHAHHA and my mom wondered why I hated going to bed, and had trouble sleeping, and would crawl in on the floor in their room. I for a while thought maybe it was Demons and I’d pray soo hard, for safety and to have faith, even more then I already had. I can remember how stressful this was on me as a kid thinking that I had to control all this, that it was something wrong with me arrgggg those damn JW’s!!!!
#6 I also used to get kidnapped a lot in my dreams, felt a loss of control in. I never got hurt, and it was always by people I knew, and was well taken care of and I’d be like ok well if it’s going to be like this might as well make the best of it. So I’d cook and clean and fix up my lil place I was ‘imprisoned’ in, and made some friends among my captors…..good lil JW I was.
Ahhh well that’s all I can think of at the moment I’m a lil warn out after all that. I’ve only ever told a few people about this before, didn’t want people to think I was a freak or something, but I guess it’s too late to worry about that now ;) hehehhe
I hadn't had some of these for a while, and then when we got the call from the CO and the game was up we knew they knew, that morning I had all these flooding back to me and I was like OMG, it's happening, they're all happening omg................. and I haven't had one of these since......YAY