What Is She Thinking?

by thankyou 15 Replies latest social relationships

  • thankyou

    I'm a non-JW guy.

    Joined this forum 2 weeks ago to learn about JW.

    I enjoy the valuable intelligence, humor, and "community" it provides.


    It appears that a non-JW guy is "off limits" to a JW girl-gal. That any kind of time together, dating, relationship, etc. is a "no no".

    Once there is a de facto friendship/relationship, whether it's been 2 weeks or 2 years, and the girl calls it off/backs away/disappears-shuns etc., and assuming that the reason given is sincere, that it's because she is a JW, how is the girl likely thinking?

    I mean is she thinking that since the guy is in "the world" that, no matter how nice he has been, he must be inspired by satan or something? Has she likely consulted w/JW family members or JW friends who negatively influence her? Or, have her "brainwashed" beliefs just short-circuited her ability to think rationally? Does she likely experience "mixed emotions"?

    It's been happening to me and it seems has happened to other non-JW guys too.

    Any insight will be greatly appreciated!

  • JWdaughter

    She's running scared. She will be considered weak if she dates outside of the religion and lose respect. She might lose privileges (if she is pioneering or something). She knows that you have different expectations of dating than a JW does and she is not (openly) up to that. She may be in reality, but standing to lose her family or standing in her community flips her out. She is afraid that you will seduce her out of the organization.She probably would LOVE an excuse to leave it, but has a lot to lose inside of it, so shes backing off.

    Don't waste your time. She will blame you for losing her family unless she comes to that decision (to leave the org) herself. If she stays in with you, she will always be trying to convert you-or her family will. You will have a weird family life and your kids will think Santa is really Satan. Its just a bad idea.

    I'm female and raised JW. I would never have CONSIDERED dating or marrying outside of my religion. It just isn't done if you are a good JW.

  • prologos

    the universe is not old enough to consider all the possible happenings, take my take: The lady is a sincere female, believing in the deeper things deeper then wt doctrine, Evolution pushes her to find a father for her future offspring she is thinking marriage. recognized by her jw family in a kingdom hall ceremony. this is not going to happen if you are not baptized, She does not want you to become a shallow baptismal candidate, she sees you not moving into her mindset ( no man ever can)* and so, looking around to fulfill her ingrained need, she might already have seen a better candidate to date. after a year of unfulfillment it might be too late.

    * can men read a lady's mind? no, but even if they could, they still would not believe it.

  • WireRider

    If it's not too late - save yourself and walk away. I was involved for two years (we had both been divorced from terrible marriages) with a JW who assured me that she could have a relationship, even to some day get married. I have found, unfortunately, that JW seem to be able to lie without any regret or remorse. Most don't want to be be in the cult in the first place and just lie about it, and to them, without any problem at all to appear to be in good standing. Aloof, arrogant, and hypocritical. I was engaged for one day before her brother and the cult found out. It sounds like she spent the next two weeks strapped in a chair for "special" brainwashing.

  • clarity

    Well hello there Thank You..... you are right with what you say. You are a No No, In her mind you are a waste of time (unless she can convert you) because when Armageddon starts you will be killed...just like everybody else who is not a jw! Her head is messed up for sure. I know ...I was there too. Feels great to be free of it all.

    Do yourself a favour & find a mate who is not in a cult!


  • LisaRose
    I mean is she thinking that since the guy is in "the world" that, no matter how nice he has been, he must be inspired by satan or something?

    Not exactly, but he is considered "worldly", and that's not a good thing. JWs are discouraged from forming friendships outside the organization, and that goes double for romantic relationships. They do believe that Satan is always trying to mislead them, so she might see it as Satan tempting her.

    Has she likely consulted w/JW family members or JW friends who negatively influence her?

    It's very possible, or she might have kept the relationship secret, it's not something she could be open about.

    Or, have her "brainwashed" beliefs just short-circuited her ability to think rationally?


    Does she likely experience "mixed emotions"?

    Yes. There are more women than men in the organization, it makes it hard for women to find a suitable partner. She is probably quite attracted to you, but at the same time to marry outside the religion is socially unacceptable. They also are quite strict about sex outside of marriage, so that can create a lot of guilt, if that has happened between you, or if she has even thought about it.

    It's hard for a non cult member to get how much they manipulate their members. It is a religion of guilt. They disfellowship and shun people, for things most people consider normal. They use guilt, fear and obligation to keep people in line. She might sleep with you in a moment of weakness, then feel guilty and confess to the elders. This might lead to being privately counseled, what they call "reproof", or public reproof, or disfellowshiping, it depends on the elders. If disfellowshiped, her family and friends would shun her, it might be months, if not years before she would be allowed back. It's not a good thing to go through.

    I wish I could be more hopeful, but this is how it is. We have had a lot of people come here with similar stories, it doesn't usually end well, the deck is stacked against you.

  • thankyou

    JWdaughter..Thank you so much.

    The insight you have so kindly shared is enabling me to begin to make sense of this whole experience.

    I've been astounded at this gal's fortitude to "back away".

    I mean in a superficial material sense I've been a trial atty in Calif., and in Hollywood movies, financially sound, and blah blah blah.

    Although she doesn't know any of that, she does know that I love God just as much, or possibly more, than she does. And she is as poor as can be.

    Geez, JW has an extremely strong "control" over her thought processes.

    Thank you again, Sincerely !

  • thankyou

    WireRider Thank you.

    I'm real sorry to hear about the lousy experience you had to go through.

    Thank you for your valuable advice.

  • thankyou

    Prologos Thank you for your advice.

    I failed to mention that she is about 50yrs old so future offspring is not likely an issue.

    Thanks again for your "take" on this.

  • thankyou

    clarity thank you.

    Wow, the way you described the thinking is downright "scary".

    You've certainly been Blessed too have freed yourself from all that.

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