Feeling Alone. Need Emotional Support.

by Doubtfully Yours 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Ding

    I was never in your situation, so I don't think I should offer advice.

    I just wanted to assure you that you're not alone.

    You have many friends here who care about you.

    If it would help you at any time to PM me and talk things over, feel free.

  • Giordano

    Believe it or not Doubtfully Yours I read this quote this very morning and thought of you immediately as some one who has figured out how to get the best out of your situation.

    "if you cannot get rid of the family skeleton.....you may as well make it dance."

    George Bernard Shaw

    I remember you talking about the parties and happy people you know as a JW but if that is no longer working for you look into some other groups to join. Volunteering puts you in touch with the best people.

  • Finally Left
    Finally Left

    Hi DY, A saying we use often at our home is - this too will pass. A year from now things will be totally different. It is 99% of the time true. You either learn to deal with it or something changes.

    I truly believe the organization is in a downward spiral and they can't stop the momentum. I think it will spin out of control. Banned in Russia, took all their buildings, the ARC is not finished with them, can't wait to see what happens. Then you read the posts 48% capacity at the Kingdom Hall. The Kingdom Hall we left was 75% empty. Lawsuits, sending bethelites home, selling Kingdom Halls, begging for money, decreases in many countries last year....... Can they last?

    I like that idea about faking your time. Too bad I never thought of that!!! Maybe you can do a slow fade.

    Go find something you like to do and do it. Make good decisions and make some new friends. It is scary leaving but I am so glad I did. I am finally happy and I haven't been happy in a very long time.

  • dogisgod

    I am 65 and have been out for years. My job kept me pretty busy but now I am retired. I have found the Unitarian Universalist Church was a good fit for me as it does not force doctrines etc but rather is a very socially conscious group of people. Also, meet up.com is good for meeting people with like interests. Go slow. I didn't fade. There were a couple of momentous events that propelled me out of that snake pit. There is a local bar/restaurant in my neighborhood and I have made good friendships with my local community there at happy hour.....you don't need to drink. Just have some ice water and leave a tip. Having a good therapist who understands brain washing and PTSD is a life saver. Local community theatre is great. It's fun and you don't need to perform. There is a host of things to do for a production. I am also blessed to have such a wonderful K9 companion who allows me to train with her in doggie school...another good way to meet people. She's good company and would never judge or abandon you.

  • rebel8

    strong family/friends ties

    These can be replaced with new ones.

    plain fear of being abandoned in old age

    How would this be different if you left dubs? There are many threads on this forum of old, faithful jws being abandoned in nursing homes. Or imagine them making your medical or financial decisions for you when you're no longer able to make them for yourself. That, to me, is terrifying.

  • GrreatTeacher

    I'm sorry, DY.

    If you're an introvert, you slog through the loneliness, slowly rebuild a new life and after a year or two (or three) you recover and rebuild a new life.

    If you're an extrovert, I understand how daunting that might feel to give up the social activity that the congregation provides, not to mention the distressing possibility of losing family.

    There are no easy answers. I understand the fear of losing emotional and financial support of family.

    It seems like you're stuck with choosing the "least awful" alternative.

    Please use us for support. Though it's "virtual," it's no less real than real-life friendships. Lots of folks here are willing to meet up in real life, too. If you live near DC, you can PM me and I would love to meet up!

    We've been there. It's hard. No one is promising "easy." In fact, we can promise "hard," but it's the kind of "hard" that works like a trial by fire; you're stronger on the other side.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    Feel the fear and do it anyway. Every valiant person that ever lived has been afraid but what made them a hero, was their ability to get past their fears.

    Identify what it is you are afraid of and focus on the outcome you want , rather than spending your energy on worrying about what you don't want.

    Sometimes people are afraid of reaching their goals and or being successful because they are afraid of having to keep going. They believe they don't have what it takes to make it on their own and choose to continue on the same safe route, even though they are miserable. (think abused wife who chooses to be beaten rather than strike out on her own)

    Focus on the present moment and on whatever step, however tiny, that can be taken today to bring you closer to where you want to be.

    Get used to being uncomfortable. Most of us have figured out how to navigate our way through the world and avoid things that make us uncomfortable. If we want to grow, we need to experience discomfort and get past it. (someone who refused to do anything that made him sweaty or tired, for example,could never be a bodybuilder or a great athlete)

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    Thanks to you all for your great advice and understanding. At times, the cognitive dissonance is deafening and emotionally overwhelming.😟

    One thing that has improved is that I am making a new group of acquaintances through my workplace and non-JW relatives, missing meetings regularly, not as many hours in service either. Paving the road for a future fade.

    Quite the task when being indoctrinated from birth, and all important close friends and relatives are hardcore 'line, hook and sinker' JWs.

    The saga continues... 😔

    Thanks for all your support.


  • fukitol

    Just get out, quit the cult; and get a girlfriend/boyfriend as soon as poss; and get a life!

  • freddo

    Hobbies? Especially ones you can do alone or with others. Volunteer for the local charity shop?

    In England you sometimes get a free parish magazine or community newspaper delivered. They often list what's happening locally for the month ahead. For example in the one round here for June there is the following:

    4 Saturday Coffee mornings at the local community hall

    1st Monday evening - Free computer advice clinic - neighbouring village hall.

    1st Weds evening - Table tennis - beginners welcome at 7pm - experienced 8pm

    2nd Friday evening - Pub Quiz. Make a team of four or five or phone xyz678 if you'd like to be in one.

    Every other Thursday 7pm - gardening tips from "Old Grumpy Gardener" at the allotments. (Weather permitting)

    3rd Saturday afternoon - village tidy up - bring gardening gloves and plastic bag - meet at war memorial - 2pm.

    Last Tuesday evening - meet with the local police officer to discuss concerns/initiatives for the area - bring a packet of biscuits - tea and coffee provided.

    Movie Night - Saturday evening 25th June - £2.50 entry. 7pm "Dead Poet's Society" - Village Hall. Cold soft drink provided.

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