Posted in another thread but need to share this b/c it still upsets me

by berylblue 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • berylblue

    Sorry for being so self indulgent...I've been meaning to post this but had reached my limit, so I put it in another thread.

    This still upsets me. I don't know why it should...perhaps because I am, as my ex-husband stated, self-absorbed and childish.

    But as part of my therapy, I present to you....

    The Car

    I don't drive and never have. As an incentive to get over my fear, my twin sister gave me an old red VW Beetle. It was sitting in my parking lot for a few weeks while I tried to summon up the courage to learn to drive.

    An elder told me that there was a really needy family in the congregation and that if I gave them the car, it would really help. The mother needed it to go to her part-time job. I didn't think about it, I just said, "sure, no problem", and proceeded to give the husband of the family the title, etc. My sister was really mad but calmed down when I assured her that this family was really in need.

    So, after a few weeks, I get invited to a party at this family's house. (Oh, by the way, while I did get a verbal thank you, I never got a note. Now, I was a little bothered by this, I think that if someone gives you a car, albeit an old one, you should sent a written thank you. But that was over with in a few minutes. Not everyone writes thank you notes all the time the way I do.)

    I was stunned by what I saw when I walked into this family's house.

    THIS FAMILY WAS BY NO MEANS POOR. NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. The house was huge and in a beautiful neighborhood.

    (Please keep in mind that I lived in a tiny apartment and barely made ends meet. Not that that was a problem, because I don't really need much; I would like to have nice things but if I don't, that's okay. I'd trash pick - a fine South Jersey tradition - and then spray paint everything I find with black lacquer and it always looked good. The point I am trying to make is that I didn't have much and these people did.)

    The house was stunning. Not my taste, but very elegantly appointed. The furniture was obviously expensive, and to top it all off, they had one of those huge screen TVs. And large portraits of the entire famiy. Crystal and Mikasa everywhere. Big yard.

    Still, I wasn't too bothered. A little puzzled, but I trusted the elder. Just because one has an expensive looking house doesn' t mean one has money on hand to buy a car.

    Well, in the ladies' room at the KH one Sunday, I asked the sister if the car was running all right. She said, "We sold it to Sister X's brother".

    I was flabbergasted. "YOU WHAT?"

    "Well, we didn't need it, so we sold it."


    "Why are you getting so upset?"

    "You sold the car to a man who needed a break. You sold something that was given free to you. I can't believe this."

    "He's not a Witness anyway. He's a Muslim."

    "What does that have to do with anything? "

    Now I'm really pissed. I could have given the car to the Muslim man had I known he needed it. The poor man just got out of prison and wants to go clean, and a Witness sells a car she got for free to this poor man. Was I wrong to be upset? Apparently so.

    The discussion went on and I finally got so upset that I left the ladies room in anger.

    The PO was right there, waiting.

    "What is the matter with you? You can be heard in the Main Hall. "

    I told him what had happened. I can't remember what he said to me. But it was bad enough that I ran out of the hall, crying. He did not see where I would be so upset.

    "You don't handle criticism well, do you?"

    "Why should I be criticized? What did I do wrong?" (Well, besides disrupting the meeting.)

    I can't remember what he said. I blocked it out almost immediately, which I tend to do when I get upset.

    Of course, that didn't stop me from going to the hall, good little Witness that I was.

    Am I wrong to still feel hurt?

    (Sidenote: The sister who sold the car did not get reprimanded for arguing in the KH. Only I did.)

    Oh, yeah. I provided, guided by what I thought was Jehovah's direction. Maybe it was.... maybe this family absolutely needed another 5 foot TV screen....


  • Ravyn

    hey Rose Marie,

    I was born and raised in South Jersey too.


  • Soledad

    that is some bullsh*t. witnesses are wonderful arent they?

    btw was or is there any possibility of a lawsuit?

  • LDH

    That is disgusting.

    'Nuff said.


  • SheilaM

    Beryl: I would have been loud hell you could have heard me in England what audacity what smugness what a BITCH she was. The Elder I would have slapped really I would have gone up to the elder that ball-faced lied to me and clocked him one. Just when I think I can't be shocked and appalled I get stuff like this DANG THEM ALLL

  • JamesThomas

    Rosemarie, Sometimes when I point this out to people they don't like it. It's not what they want to hear. They may not really want their suffering to end. But here goes... It seems that life often throws us these "surprising" situations which would piss-off the pope. People seldom do what we want or expect of them; and we get angry. Two things have helped me be more at peace (for some reason peace feels nicer than suffering to me). First, is to see that people are what they are, they are not under my control. So now I can relax a little. I don't expect them to perform to my script.....I mean, they're not going to anyway, so I might as well get real about it, and just accept them as they are. Second, is to see that almost always my suffering is due to continually playing the tape of a past "wrong", when others didn't do what I would have wanted them to do. In other words, it's my own thoughts that are causing me pain. It's my own non-acceptance of reality that is causing me pain. If I let go of the past, I feel at peace. If I hold on to it, I suffer. If we live in this moment, rather than memories of past, or fears and hopes of future, things can be pretty darn peaceful. People may look at you weird because your smiling when no one else is, but so what. JamesT escapee of the bitch and moan class (but not always)

  • goofy

    All I can say is you are much nicer than me!

  • berylblue
    f I let go of the past, I feel at peace. If I hold on to it, I suffer.

    Very true. Thank you for reminding me of that.

    Compared to what others have suffered in the Org, I have escaped relatively unscathed.


  • Francois

    I like James T's approach: When it rains, I let it.


  • bebu

    JamesT is right. Let it go. ...I think you have still come out miles ahead, if you are out of the org, and all that is in it.

    Similar, but different: My husband was treated unfairly by employers in the past, and he is a professional. What helped me out (with all the anger at the injustice) was to remember Jacob and Laban, and how God blessed Jacob regardless of how many times Laban cheated him. Today, we look back and see ourselves being led out safely to better situations, whereas those who were dishonest toward him suffered worse than we ever did.

    Another thing that has helped me a lot in frustrating situtations is meditating on Psalm 37.

    Keep smilin, Rosemarie! You'll be okay!


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